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Dead beat mothers.

Mandy45's picture

Just interested to know how some are dealing with there step kid dead beat mothers. My step kids live with me and my hubby because children servies took them off her. She had no where for them to live and couldnt provide for them. Like we have a civil relationship. For the kids. But she annoys the crap out of me. She never been able to provide for her kids. She doesnt even buy them xmas or birthday gifts. When they where younger and they go over to her place for the weekend. She wouldnt have them over unless my husband bought food. She always claim she had no money and no food. Never paid child support. 

Never helps when theres a issue with the kids she just brushes it off says ingore it. Which is easy to do when you dont have to face whatever the problem is 24/7. All she got to say is well there father wanted custody of them so he just has to deal with it. When it was her fault they got taken away in the first place. What was he supposed to do leave them in foster care. (Although i sometimes wish this did happen). 

Then has the hide to whinge her kids got taken off her but at the same time doesnt really do anything for them. Or made a effort to make her life better so she could have them back. Now their older and get their own money. Every pay day shes rises from her slumber and she the worlds greatest mother. while she holds her hand out. 

Like i know some of you maybe have it worse but it unbelievable the hide she has. 

 

 

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Funny, if she were a man, she'd be in a cell for not paying child support - for being in contempt of court.

If you have the money to do so, you could file a suit for discrimination against the judge who isn't putting her ass away when she obviously isn't meeting her court orders, granted that the judge ordered warrants against men for the same crime.

If you're trying to get her totally out of the picture, I mean.

advice.only2's picture

We had sole legal and physical custody and Meth Mouth never paid a dime of CS, the courts even admonished DH not to seek CS, since Meth Mouth was a wothless junkie who couldn't get a job.  We raised Spawn on what we had and got the joy of being told how we were awful people who never did crap for her, while Meth Mouth would have her mom spend money on Spawn so that Spawn thought she did everything for her.  

Rags's picture

This is why CS should always be sought.  Let the arrears build so when the Skids or anyone else get lippy the can get smacked in the face with the facts.

Harry's picture

Stop talking to her.  She is on drugs and talking will do no good.  Just cut her and her drama off.  
until she cleans up, if ever.  Don't let the kids have contact with her.  If she goes for visitation then it's all on her. Picks up if clean, drops off,  all expenses with visitation 

NotSoStepStepmom's picture

I feel your pain... my SD's BM is a worthless piece of trash. She left when SD was a baby and hasn't even given us $1 to help. I already do WAY MORE than any SM should have to do... so yeah, it pisses me off. Her BM literally doesn't do ANYTHING for her. When she does see SD (for a total of 42 non-consecutive days a year), psycho grandma pays for everything and takes care of SD. Useless BM has another child that she also does NOTHING for. He lives with psycho grandma in another state. She's the most disgusting creature I've ever encountered.

CLove's picture

I often wish that she wasnt there as much as she is.

We have 5days on/off, and whenever Munchkin SD13 is with us she seems lighter and much happier. It does take her a day to "'de tox".

Toxic Troll BM doesnt really take her anywhere and now the SD20 is living with her and beinga  jacka$$ because she can. I buy Munchkin her things and take her places. I try to teach her things about life that are positive and get her to be independant and take care of herself more, instead of always relying on our help for EVERYTHING.

BMs way is to rely on everyone else. So she will use the kids to manipulate and control DH. Over the years with me this has lessened but it used to make me really upset. Watching him jump through hoops for her, and leave bags of groceries for her because she would cry poor and that there was no food, just ramen and water. Now, keeping in mind that this person is 5'3" and 220 lbs, she is certainly NOT starving! He doesnt do this anymore, thank goodness.

Ive had to help DH establish boundaries and enforce them.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

If the powers that be ever decide to reform Family Court (ha ha, I know), the FIRST people they seek insight from should be step parents, particularly SMs. It's just like that GOT tag line - We drink, and we know things. WE are the ones propping up many of these failed First Families, WE see the gender bias and disparity and discrimination, and WE recognize that the current antiquated system isn't serving anyone (except the legal industry) particularly well. Check out my blog post on Therapeutic Family Court - there IS a better way to go about things.

Imagine the waste of potential and loss of productivity caused by allowing these BMs to sit on their butts. They certainly aren't living their best lives, and they're setting a poor example for their kids. Holding women accountable financially for their reproductive choices would help everyone, and in many cases motivate women to get their poo together.

SusieCue's picture

My SD's BM is a heroin addict, in and out of jail and never gets her daughters gifts for anything but throws butthurt fits when they forget her birthday or mother's day. Her kids were taken from her and were at risk of being separated from each other if we didn't take them. She constantly pesters us to talk to her kids when she knows we are at work or they are at school (neither SD has a phone right now and we don't give BM our home number because she will call at all hours of the day if we did) and when we respond to her and tell her they are about to call her, she doesn't pick up.