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DD18 is coming home for Thanksgiving!!!

Someoneelse's picture

DD18 is coming home for Thanksgiving. I haven't seen her in a while, she moved almost over 200 miles (almost 300) away for college. This is our first Thanksgiving since she's moved. SD is supposed to be at her mom's for Thanksgiving, but is coming here for 1/2 the week. I am not thrilled as I DO dispise her. I haven't spoken to her, but I would LOVE to tell her what I think about her coming.... Her reasoning is that she ALSO misses DD, and since she has a car, she can PRETTY MUCH do what ever she wants... The week of Thanksgiving, I want to be about DD and how much I am excited to see her... but now it's going to be about SD making sure that she got to see her too, you know, since she CHOSE to come see her even though she's supposed to be at her mom's... *insert eye roll* she'll be saying that the WHOLE time she's here... I don't want her here. I want to spend time with my daughter, not SD and my daughter. The last time DD came, we watched a movie cuddled up on the couch, because SD was here that week too, SD left the morning before DD left, and so that night me and DD watched a movie and cuddled.

CajunMom's picture

There is nothing wrong in wanting to spend time with your DD. And withOUT SD. Schedule some events with just you and DD. Be clear with get to spend time with DH and SD all the time. You do not have that luxury with DD and you WILL be taking advantage of your time. Any rational human being would understand that. And if they don't, tough. Do it anyway. Plan a few events, a few dinners out at special places your DD likes, take a few walks and have a day of shopping (if your DD likes that). Your SD can see DD when she's home. Not sure of the relationship between the two girls, but they can figure that out. If your SD is SO interested in seeing your DD, let HER make some plans or visiting time. Not just "winging" visits. 

Best to you.

Winterglow's picture

Plan tons of things (especially ones with tickets) for just you and your daughter and tell your DH to do the same with his ... Lay it on thick that she's there mainly to spend quality time with him (despite what she says).

CajunMom's picture

Love that take on the matter!! Let your DH spend some "quality" time with HIS kid!

Elea's picture

This is exactly why I encourage my DD to be civil to SDiablas but not to become too close to them.

When DD was younger the SD's would make mean girl comments like "We're not going if THEY are going." (DD and I) and did everything they could to make sure my DD knew they didn't want her around. My DD was hurt by their rejections but in the end it has turned out for the best.

I am glad she doesn't spend time with condescending, passive-aggressive, rude, snarky SD's that treat older adults as peers. They set a terrible example. Fortunately my SDiabals have each other so they keep their dysfunction all in the family between the 2 of them, plus sometimes BM.

SD's have finally backed off on the mean girl moves  and I could probably orchestrate more connections between them and DD but I chose not to.

My DD has grown to be a warm, kind, smart and beautiful young woman. SD's are book smart but that's it. 

Shieldmaiden's picture

I would plan an outing with DD that is just you two, your SD is not invited. Don't tell SD about it, just leave and go out to lunch, or shopping, or whatever. If SD tries to invite herself, tell her that you and DD planned to have some one-on-one time, and that SD can visit with her later. 

Then lock the car doors and drive off. Smile