Dd17 bought girl scout cookies for herself
Girl scout cookies are like $5.00 a box of llike 16 cookies! She bought them for herself and her boyfriend to share for a days. She and him ate a few, then she left them in the fridge. SD came yesterday, and mysteriously there only 3 left this morning. Dd asked dd18 if she ate any cookies, dd was like like "who made cookies, I didn't know we had cookies", DD explained that there were girl scout cookies that she had bought.
I ask DH when he wakes up if he had eaten any of dds cookies, he said no, i told him that dd17 asked dd18, and that she didn't even know there were cookies. He responded with sd couldn't have eaten them, she never even went into the kitchen. He was outside working in the garage the whole time sd was here until dinner time, then shortly thereafter he took sd home, he has no idea where sd was.... I'm so fuming right now because he ALWAYS acts like dd18 is the one who sneak eats, he always is saying"it couldn't be sd) making it was dd18. Right now I'm debating leaving... SD is almost 18, she'll be gone, dds are almost in college, they'll be gone... i just don't know how much more i can take off any of this.
I am sorry
I am sorry
Two thoughts...
1) Would it do you any good to tell DH....look, I know you don't like it when SD is being corrected. You automatically come to her defense. But this ONE time, I need you to have my back. I need you to analyze the possibility that while you were in the garage not watching her, SD ate the cookies. And I need you to make it better. You need him to buy DD another box of cookies and let her know that HE is sorry that the cookies got eaten. (That is if you're positive that you're not wearing the same blinders that he's wearing. If you DD has a habit of sneaking food, and you're just taking her word over SDs word, you could be doing exactly what you think he's doing....in which case buy the cookies yourself (or her other fav treat) and let her know it sucks not to be able to leave things without others getting into them). You're both absolutely positive you know who the cookie thief is. There may be no way of knowing for sure, so maybe this isn't a hill worth getting upset on.
2) - if your marriage is otherwise great, let it go. Kids between the ages of 16 and 20 are a royal pain in the buttocks! I honestly wanted both my bios and my sks to hurry up and move out just so that they could stop being annoying!!! They're in that awkard stage of not quite child, not quite fully fledged, socially and metally aware adult. They do grow out of it, and (hard to believe) by the age of 22 or 23 mine all became people I love to be around!! So if you think it's something they will grow out of, or even something that will go away once they don't live together - I'd let it go. Make it right for DD if you can, but don't let teen age years ruin your marriage if it is otherwise in good shape.
Putting personal snacks in
Putting personal snacks in the fridge is asking for them to be eaten. Lesson learned, I hope. Personal accountability. Don't put your snacks in the fridge. Also, don't buy overpriced cookies.
GG's
Ah, they're overpriced, but for a cause. If she supported a cause she believes in and got some cookies in the deal, I wouldn't be discouraging that. But I'm sure she learned her lesson that putting cookies where anyone can get at them is inviting others to help themselves.
In our family though, if there's something odd in the fridge, people tend to ask. Just out of courtesy. I'm sure OP was hoping for the same behaviour.
I don't tell my kids who work
I don't tell my kids who work for their own money what they can and cannot buy. And no, if i buy something with MY money, i should be able to put it in the fridge. Crappy people should just not be crappy.
Fridge locker
Check out the fridge locker. $14.95 on Amazon. It protects your food from your family. Ha ha. But seriously, its fun to make a point sometimes and watch your family roll their eyes at you.
A different perspective here:
A different perspective here: no matter WHO took the cookies, how were they supposed to know not to? Isn't food in a common area, such as a household fridge or pantry, for everyone, unless marked or somehow defined?
That's also what my husband
That's also what my husband said, but i always tell everyone if you see something in the fridge that is not NORMALLY there to please ask. It may be someone's left overs, someone's special snack, or may be used in a recipe i have planned. If it's part of the regular line up (apples, oranges, strawberries, grapes, lunch meat, cheese, condiments, milk, butter, eggs, bread) have at it... but we don't usually have cookies at the house.
I have a fridge rule. You can
I have a fridge rule. You can eat anything in the fridge except for what I put into one of the drawers. Touch anything in there and your days are numbered ...
As infuriating as this is.
I'm a food is meant to be eaten guy. My DW will upon occasion buy something she wants for herself or a recipe. To avoid this problem we have a don't eat it drawer in the fridge and a don't eat it bin in the pantry.
There have been times when those things were eaten. Hence, the don't touch it spots..
It sounds like this is the cookie that broke the SM back
It sounds like there are a great many other issues that you are experiencing and this is just "that one thing" that is bringing all the emotions to the surface.
I agree, it's not so much
I agree, it's not so much about the cookies. That's not my him I'm trying to die on... it's annoying, sure. SD just takes any good she can see, that's annoying, but ultimately i could care less, that's not my issue... it's that DH will ALWAYS say, well it couldn't be sd, and when he says that, he ALWAYS is saying that it's dd, and my problem is that dd doesn't lie, she's seen what it does through sd. Sd DOES lie, she lies about the biggest things and the smallest things. You could ask sd if she left a pencil on the counter and she'll say no.... even though she did... like it makes no sense why she lies like that... but DH will believe EVERY word that comes out of her mouth.
But DH is always on DD18's case, he was talking (very loudly) about something in the same room as dd, and if dd responds to something DH says, he'll yell at dd for eavesdropping. It they were talking about a purchase she had made, which she was confused, thought DH made the purchase and took the money out of her account. And she kept repeating that(because that was the point she was trying to make) and he kept ignoring that, she repeated it another time with the emphasis on "I THOUGHT that you took the money out" he immediately yelled at her about getting loud with him... yet DH allows sd to talk to everyone any which way she wants. THESE are the issues I'm struggling with.
More than cookies...
Hon, I think that any reasonable person would suspect that the missing Girl Scout cookies were more likely to have been devoured by a 350 lb girl with an eating issue than by either of your ‘normal weight’ daughters. Talk about the elephant in the room!? However, vanished cookies are the least of the complications in your ‘blended’ family.
Like so many guilty Disney dads, your husband is intentionally oblivious to his daughter’s faults, preferring ‘deny, attack and reverse victim and offender’ to facing the uncomfortable truth; his colossal failure as a parent. I left my ex-husband because of his callousness towards my teen daughters. Every time that he corrected them, unjustly, when the same rules did not apply to his own son, I began to resent him more deeply. Finally, my resentment blossomed into a hatred that had me pondering the perfect murder.
Your husband needs the intercession of a third party to open his eyes, since he is blinded to the dysfunction in his own home. If you believe that your marriage is worth saving, get on the horn and arrange a consultation.
(((((HUGS)))))
Thank you, and thank you to
Thank you, and thank you to everyone who has given me advice... i do think that i should put forth the effort and seek marriage counseling. I think that would force us to see the truth, or own flaws, and work through it all. In all other aspects he's an ideal husband. And all of our kids are literally going to be out of the house in a year or so, so would it make sense for me to leave an outwise happy home?
I don't think an exit is
I don't think an exit is necessarily the issue at this point. Because, you aren't talking about a long term "in home" situation.. etc...
On the one hand... I can see someone partaking of "unmarked" goodies in the fridge.. since they were an opened package. A sealed package or package with a note is diffferent. whoever took those cookies (or maybe it was a couple people taking a couple? who knows).. didn't see food in the common area as off limits. When my mom would buy special stuff, we were specifically told to keep away from it...but I can see how that didn't happen here. BUT... your DH not wanting to consider his daughter as one of the first possibilities? That is a bit unfair to assume it was your child.. vs his kid. But.. then again.. you also assume it's his child not your own.. so while you may feel there is more potential motivation for his child vs yours? you both have your own biases...
But.. I don't think it has to be the end of your relationship unless he is truly treating your children poorly which isn't necessarily the case by preferring his child... because he isn't their parent? just like you prefer your own kids over his..
so, as long as he isn't putting your kids down.. treating them badly.. punishing them unreasonably.. I don't think you have to end things really.. especially so close to everyone moving out.
I apologize I fdont know your
I apologize I fdont know your background stor but wh can't ou ask SD directly if she ate them? As for food here - I had to buy 3 bins for the pantry - One for SD's snacks, cookies etc, one for DH's and one for mine. NOw keep n mind DH and I can eat anythng out of the 3 bins, It was really just to teach Sd to stay out of my food!