Dating a Dad.....help!
OK, where do i begin? I met and fell for a man I work with. He is seperated, lives alone, and has two kids ages 5 & 8. We have been dating now for almost 4 years. I have only started spending time with the kids over the last couple of weeks. He is a great guy!! Successful, generous, caring, sensitive and hands down the most loving hands-on father I've ever met.
I am 35 years old. Never married. No kids. He is 42 and is still working on getting divorced after having been married for about 10 years.
Here is my dilema.
I've never met his parents b/c they are "holy rollers" who aren't ok with the fact that he is getting divorced. They are against it. (Not for nothing but they divorced each other years ago and remarried each other after being apart for a couple of years) But they still feel he should just stay with the wife he's been miserable with and figure out how to make it work. So in 4 years I've never met them. Which means on Holidays, I'm often alone because my BF takes his kids and goes to his parents house. He tries to make it fair by spending the day with the kids and his family and then coming to see me at night but I feel completely shut out and alone. Next issue, I always thought that divorced parents have some kind of schedule where they take their kids once or twice a week and alternate weekends. Well, his work schedule is unpredictable so he takes them whenever he can, which actually is very often. I know that's a great thing, but very difficult when you feel like you are being squeezed into his schedule which consists mostly of time with his kids. He has the kids once to twice a week and usually 2 days of the weekend, so he'll have them Friday and Sunday and will see me Saturday. Or he'll take them Friday & Saturday and I'll see him Sunday. Usually I will see him once or twice during the week and one day during the weekend.
It took me 2 years of pleading with him to give me one full weekend A MONTH, just ONCE a month, where it's just me and him the whole weekend. Just ONCE a month...b/c i always felt if he wants to spend that much time with his kids then who am I to take him away from them. But at the same time, I'm trying to have a relationship with this man and that requires a little time too. So finally after 2 years of asking, I got my one weekend last month. We spent an entire saturday and sunday together.
Dating a man who has a family who doesnt want to let me be part of their family, a man who after 4 years is just starting to let me into the childrens lives and a man who after 2 years of asking FINALLY gave me a weekend has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel alone alot. I feel left out alot. I feel like he's living his life and I'm just tagging along and he makes me a part of it when he can.
How do you date a man who has a family who wants nothing to do with you and kids that he spends most of his time with. This isn't a question of who is the priority, the kids are and i know that. But how do you deal with feeling left out?
He has said to me on that its tough for me to understand because I dont have kids....well yesterday I needed a favor and he couldn't because he had the kids again.... (after having had them EVERY OTHER DAY for the past 8 days) so I got upset and said "I may not understand what it's like to have kids, but you will never understand how difficult it is sometimes for me to deal with forever coming in 3rd place to the man I love"
I know I should not have said that. But I was just upset that I had only seen him once that week and he had the kids (and I'm not over exaggerating) EVERY other day for over a week. I dont mean he spent a few hours with them. I mean he each of those visits means they spend the night. I will be honest and say this week was more than usual but I just feel like I'm alone....alot.
It breaks my heart. Please help.