Custody challenges and pressure on relationship
I am a childless stepmother to SS10. I am not married, but I have been in a committed relationship for almost 4 years. My boyfriend has joint custody of his son, so he lives with us two weeks a month. We are a family and we love and respect each other.
My relationship with SS10 is absolutely fantastic. At times he is more fond of me than his BM and at times I feel like I am his mother. Unfortunately, I am not, and I will never try and take his BM's place. This comes with its own challenges, since I would love to have a child with my boyfriend one day (which will come with it's own challenges, I'm sure).
The bomb dropped this weekend, when SS10 refused to go to his BM. He gets spoiled rotten when he is with her, but says he prefers being with us, because he feels loved and wanted here. This has been building up over the last few months, but has come to point where it needed to be addressed.
When my boyfriend discussed the issue with his ex, she reacted as expected - she was angry and emotional, understandably so.
They are now trying to find a way to address his unhappiness with his mother through a child psychologist. If that does not work, he will have to come and live with us full-time.
Here is where I need advice...
1.) I care for SS10's wellbeing and I want him to live a normal and happy life, but I also feel he needs his BM in his life. Yes, he will have a more stable day-to-day life living with us, but what about his relationship with his BM?
2.) As mentioned before, I am a childless stepmother. I received the instant family. I chose this and I accepted that it will come with challenges, sometimes more difficult that anticipated. I crave alone time with my boyfriend, but will have to give that up when SS10 lives with us full-time. SS10 tends to me quite emotionally demanding of his BD, so much so at times that I have to step aside. My boyfriend is an excellent father and will always give his son the attention and love he needs, even if I have to sacrifice for it. I'm concerned that having SS10 live with us full-time might put more pressure on Me and my boyfriend's relationship. Am I being selfish and irrational/unfair in my thinking?