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Curious about BM stories

abugandabean's picture

I am curious about other peoples BM's stories. I've been perusing through the boards here and have seen some doozies. Around the holidays I am sure that we all have some good ones!

My holiday BM story isn't actually that bad, compared to her usual self.

BM sends gifts for SO, myself, and my 2 biological kids from SD. She and SO hadn't talked about this in advanced, she just did it. So in return I tell SO that I had some Bath and Body works stuff and a candle that if he wanted he could send back to her from SD (olive branch). BM is bat shit, so I am always skeptical of anything she does. So he decided that was the right thing to do. Not more than a few hours later he gets nasty texts saying that she didn't need my left over scrap and that was one of the worst things he's done to her yet regarding their relationship ending. It hurt her so much, how dare he, blah blah blah. I reminded him that you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig and all of her intentions thus far have been manipulative and she has always had something up her sleeve. I also told him next year even if she sends gifts we won't be sending anything back! My exH and I agreed to get each other gifts from our kids (2&5) so they'd feel good about giving us something. We set a $20 budget in advanced and let the kids pick out something. It worked really well because we talked about it and wasn't just sprung on us, plus our kids enjoyed giving us both the gifts they picked out.

StepKat's picture

On Christmas day when DH was suppose to get the kids, BM left her phone in the car so she was an hour late getting the kids to DH. BM had the boys in nice clothes (not a bad thing) with dress shirts and dress shoes but she didn't pack their regular sneakers or even their jackets. DH had to bring the boys out yesterday and get them some shoes they could wear and we can't afford jackets so they are stuck wearing their sweaters.

somedevilishbeauty's picture

DH was a fool and let BM know what all we got for them. Since BM doesnt work and DH has changed jobs CS has been paid just not gotten to BM yet they said it might be a few weeks to get straightened out. She was all jelsouse since we got them tablets and other things and she couldnt get them anything close to that. not our problem get a job if you feel this way.. ( i had been saving since october and black friday shopped)but She had the nerve to tell Skids to make sure they bring all there COOL Stuff home with them. NOPE THAT WAS THE FIRST RULE WE SET.... We bought them so kids had something to play at our house not hers. if they want to play with them more they are more than welcome to come over during the week. Skids wanted to come over last night and BM was all huffy with DH about it...... BOO HOO get over it. I think she just wants to have the tablets there so she can use them when they are not.

misSTEP's picture

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect gifts bought from one parent to stay at that parent's house. We made the mistake early on of allowing the skids to take things home from our house. We never saw it again or BM would confiscate it (not that she'd bother giving it BACK to us...).

somedevilishbeauty's picture

^^^^ THis^^^^ not a bribe at all DH has 50/50 and they live close to us that they drop by all the time to hang out so its no change since getting tablets. Every expensive gift we have bought that went home gets lost, or pawned ( i found one of her gifts that i had marked her initials on inside of battery lid at a pawn shop) and before SD DS went missing i went to put something on her DS and Found BMs facebook logged in.

kathc's picture

Sorry your BM is batshit. Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. Sad

I think it's great that you and your ex can do that for the kids.

abugandabean's picture

Thanks Kathc. After a long long long divorce process with a LOT of anger we are finally over it. Luckily we were both mature enough to never drag our kids into it, and they are well loved and taken care of by both sides. Of course we still have our spats now and then - but usually within a few days we rise above.

I wish BM could get the message! Don't think SO and BM will ever have a normal coparenting relationship but I've resigned to the fact that I signed up for it since she was crazy since I've known her which has been a lot longer than SO and I's relationship. We were friends for a good while before it turned romantic.

I am so happy I found this site though! Finally some impartial support and advice from people that actually understand! YAY!

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Let me understand this: BM sent Xmas gifts to your boy-friend, to you, and your kids - with him? You said with SD - did you mean with SO? That's big... So she did something very classy x 4, and you responded in the same vein - sent something to her. Lovely. Merry Xmas, let peace rein on earth. Great! She did not like the gift, though, and let your BF know it. Fine. This is not classy, but it should have ended there and then - with him deleting the texts and never telling you about them. She would have been ashamed of those texts the next day. Why are you letting them - impulsive words on the screen - outshine a very generous and mature gesture made towards you AND your children? The woman tried to do the right thing. She did the right, nice thing. Then she did not. Hmm.. ok.

Next year you are really going to teach her about class: if she sends gifts, we will send nothing back!
Bravo! What a victory for SMs everywhere!

abugandabean's picture

You'd be correct. She sent my bio children (not with him) gifts, me and my bf from my SD.

I guess if the background of her was written in that you might understand a bit better. This woman harassed me repeatedly, by stalking me, texting me, calling me, sending me threatening letters, threatening me via my BF, making fake FB profiles to harass me, breaking into my BF's FB page to harass me, accusing me of sexually abusing her child, etc it was to the point the police had to be involved and the police issued a no contact order so she is no longer permitted to contact me.

My first initial reaction to the gifts was it was an olive branch and I was receptive but leery. She provided nice gifts for my children but the gifts to my BF was a picture of her, him, and their daughter together and a few other things. Very immature and not classy at all. She wouldn't have been ashamed the next day, she's not like that. She lets the fury build up in her until she can't take it anymore then explodes. She's still bitching about it to him 2 days later.

This woman doesn't know the meaning of class.

I am not going to send her gifts next year if she's going to cause drama and bitch at him for it. It's not worth it. If he is to ignore and delete her texts, frantic phone calls, etc then I think we should ignore these things as well unless it's discussed ahead of time. I am not running around on Christmas day to try to find things for her. We also sent back a gift for her biological child that she had from a previous relationship. We did the mature thing and tried to be polite and nice and she like with everything else in the world finds fault. She'll never let it go.

mannin's picture

Last year BM got SS a leapster with no batteries. I had just bought a new set of rechargeable batteries and let him borrow them. When I wasn't home, DH let SS take the leapster over to BM's. Never saw the batteries again till this Christmas. She bought SS a cheap game computer and inside were my batteries. I let it go, it's the little things like this that she does to stir the pot. I've disengaged from dealing with her completely and it pisses her off.

She's a 31 year old teenager and tries to tell SS to bring stuff to her place so he doesn't get bored. Again, when I wasn't home when DH and SS left for her place - SS took two of his favorite books. We've never seen them since. My SS asked if I would buy new versions and I said nope. Now, my DH finally gets that I wasn't being a jerk- I was being firm with rules. Things have never come back, including clothes. I buy ss's clothes in the right sizes and weather appropriate. She'll send him back to us in her pjs, clothes that I bought him over a year ago that no longer fit, or his sister's clothes.

We let SS buy his siblings gifts, but not her unless it's out of his allowance.

girlmeetsworld714's picture

Last year, BM bought me and SO gifts "from SD." At this point, it had been 7 months since BM had stopped letting SO see their daughter (the gifts were mailed via certified mail) and she was telling people she wanted both of us out of her and their daughter's life and that SO was only a "sperm donor" and not SD's "daddy." BM had changed her phone number and cut off all communication with SO at that point. SO's gift was addressed to "daddy" so I'm still not sure what her intentions were with those gifts except maybe to show her friends and family that she "makes an attempt" and SO "just doesn't care." I don't know.