Constant schedule changes
Forums:
Anyone else deal with this?
DH and BM's time share schedule is clearly spelled out in their CO. However, for the umpteenth time, BM's work schedule has changed. DH has worked the same job for years, and it is consistent. BM is insisting that DH give up his time with the kids so she doesn't miss out on "her" time with them. BM is the one with the schedule conflict. (Should mention, there's a GAL involved). BM is threatening to go to the GAL and get them to address the judge on a schedule change (third one in less than a year).
What would you do? How would you proceed?
Let her. Judges don't like
Let her. Judges don't like being bugged for stupid petty crap constantly. She is the one with a schedule change. If she keeps bringing changes up in court as soon as she does, a judge will lock the case down for a certain amount of years where their will be no changes unless it is for something serious.
The GAL will make you work
The GAL will make you work with the BM's schedule unless you come up with your own that pleases both parents. It sucks I know it's hard on everyone, but each parent deserves their time.
She refuses to do that
She refuses to do that schedule.
They do know, and they are frustrated by the constant changes.
Not sure the state you live
Not sure the state you live in, but in mine they will change the scedule as needed to ensure the parents get equal time. That means she can't just take time from him either. IS she asking him to give up all weekends or something?
He has weeks, she has
He has weeks, she has weekends. Her schedule is changing again. His is not. If she takes time from him, he loses time. His job will not allow him to reconfigure his schedule at all.
We have helped her every time. She hasn't had to pay for a sitter, as we have always picked up the slack. It's just getting old to change it every two-three months. She doesn't communicate well; it's often last minute and incomplete so we have to guess what she needs. For our state, 50/50 is standard. However, I don't see how 50/50 is going to work at this point. For the last three years, we have had the kids 70/30. I don't know why she's so set on 50/50 now.
He isn't losing time, he has
He isn't losing time, he has more than 50/50 as it is. She has the right to her time.
Really? She gives up her time
Really? She gives up her time (when I help out because DH is working--he doesn't get to spend more time with them.) And yet, because we help her, DH should have to spend less time with his kids? That doesn't seem fair. If it's 50/50, and she gives up 20-25% of her time, then he should be willing to give up time?
Not in the six years they have been divorced has he ever given up 1 day with his kids. Now, because of her schedule change yet again, he should go to being a dad just 2 days a week?
You lost me right there when
You lost me right there when you said BM and work in the same sentence. I would be thrilled if our BM had any type of skill to be employable
It's not fair you or the kids have to have your schedule go completely out of whack due to her though. Anyhow, if it's out of her control I'm sure they will end up working on a plan that creates equal time. There must be some type of alternative that is equal for both parents. In my situation, BM has the kids in football and DH loses weekend time with them, so he tells her he wants more time with them in the summer to make up for it, and they plan it that way.
I know. We don't have it as
I know. We don't have it as bad as some people on this board!
DH has always been primary. She told him when the kids were young they were "his" kids, and she didn't want to do anything with them that required her to parent. That's how it's been since I've been in the picture, except, she pretended to be a parent for a while, as she was threatened by me. She continues to talk a good game, but she doesn't follow through.
If she was a reasonable BM, perhaps we could make an arrangement. However, she wants what she wants and it constantly changes. She uses the kids and work as her excuses, but when it comes down to it, she's fickle. She doesn't care about anyone else but herself.
She wants two of DH's days to
She wants two of DH's days to make up for two days she has to give up due to her work schedule. We have helped, and the kids have been in our home; not with DH, but with me. It saved $$ and the kids knew what was going on. However, she's now using the 'help' against DH, saying that if they are with me, it should be his time, and she should get more time.
I'm about to back out of helping them all together.
If she was wanting the days
If she was wanting the days that were outlined in the CO as hers, there would be no issue. However, she wants time that is specifically stated in the CO as DH's time.
we are going through this
we are going through this right now. stick to the CO 100%.
We have it documented for at
We have it documented for at least three years, possibly four. We aren't going to go for court, as it's too expensive. If she pushes, she will have to spend the money first (something she never seems to have, although she makes more than DH and I combined.)
Recent studies are showing
Recent studies are showing that children of 50/50 feel homeless in a way. Can't put down roots, don't have neighborhood friends, just doesn't make for a good home feeling because they're really isn't one.
Might consider the children first. My generic advise is always stick to the court order when one partner is being unreasonable. To the minute. Negotiate with the GAL and let her go to court if she has the money.