Confused and hurt
I am 24 years and I have been dating my boyfriend for six months now. He has a beautiful 4 year old little girl. I love and care for her as if she were my own. I will call her my SD for this post. My SD and I have a great relationship, in my opinion, although I can see that it could be better. I say it can be better because I can see that she is still adjusting to the 50/50 custody between her parents and sometimes gets sad and misses mom. My bf and his BM split up when she was 1 yr old. I can see that it is still very early that she is still adjusting to everything and myself. I really care about her and have been taking things slow with her. I let him do all the disciplining. I am not too forward with my affection and praise when appropriate. I play with her, cook for her, get her ready, do her hw with her, read her a bedtime story, chat with her, set up fun events for her for every holiday, etc. I am not trying to brag that I do a lot for her, but just so you can see how involved I am. I currently live an hour away because of where I work. I see her every weekend at my bf house.
This past sunday she had a very unexpected outburst. I was in the bathroom putting my makeup on and she was standing behind me. I started singing the song "Mother knows best" from the movie tangled. She stomped her foot and loudly said "You aee not my mother!!." My bf was in another room and did not hear this. I looked at her in shock and said "Hey, I know im not your number 1 mom or your mom. " I could tell she was still upset and I said "Well u know I take care of you as if you were my own." She repeated it louder and said, "You are not my mom! You are my sister mama" (what she calls me sometimes). At this point I didnt know what to say so I said "Yea haha and you are my sister daughter." This is kind of an inside joke of what we call each other. She then stomped her feet again and loudly said "No, nevermind you are not my sister mama, you arent anything!" She stormed out of the bathroom and went out into the room. I was then pretty quiet and very hurt. We were having such a nice morning and it seemed unexpected. An hour later, we were all driving and she said to her Dad "Daddy, I have the most perfect Mom and Dad" she smirked at me and I was just quiet. Last week my bf was ill and he admitted he was being a bit distant and snappy with her. He thinks that its because she is jealous because he is being disatant and she is projecting her anger towards me. It could also be because up until last week she was sleeping in the bed with us, but now my bf is trying to break this habit.
Im so hurt and confused and dont know what to do! I am not sure if I should slow things down and maybe try going up every other weekend? Should I give them two some space? He said he will talk to her, but what can I do?