Confused at 30- stay or leave?
Hello, I am an almost 30 year old women that eloped two years ago to my awesome husband. I am also a stepmom to an 8 year old girl with whom I have a great relationship with. She calls me Mom (because she wants to) and we have her every other week. Yes, I know what I signed up for, and yes, I know it would’ve hard but I also thought it would get easier too. I’ve been with him for 3 1/2 years total and at first I didn’t really care if I had kids or not. After buying a house getting married and now almost 30, all I want is kids. I just CANT get over the fact that he had a child with a different woman then me and shared those experiences with someone else. His ex girlfriend is horrible and turned his whole family against him to the point where we don’t talk to his mom or his 3 sisters because they spend all the time with his ex. It’s gotten so bad this past year with me feeling like this that I can’t even watch movies with women going into labor or those diaper commercials with women who just give birth and they show them puttin the baby in the moms arms. The experience with his ex was a miserable one as he has told me many many times but I can’t get over it. It bothers me that he has done the baby thing with someone else already and it honestly has given me too many panic attacks to even count. We have tried couples therapy and therapy on our own. He already deals with anger issues and depression issues and this doesn’t help any. We also want to move out of state but now all the sudden he wants full custody and definitely don’t; plus from speaking with lawyer he told us full custody is most likey not going to happen. It’s now gotten to the point where I hired a divorce attorney because we can’t seem to come to a conclusion and I have let the child problem bother me too much. At this point I’m so scared that if I leave at 30 that I might now be able to find someone else and have kids. It scares me so much that I’m thinking of staying just so I can have kids which I know is not smart thinking. I want kids so bad and my mom has been putting pressure on me to stay for grandchildren while my dad has told me to leave and focus on being happy. Do you think I will be okay to leave at 30 and still have time to find someone else and have a child? Any advice is appreciated. Please be kind.