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Computer for SD's 9th bday?

Step-Volgirl's picture

For Christmas, DS (11) got a laptop. SD wanted one too, but ultimately decided on an ipod. DH was hesitant to get her one, thinking she was too young. Two weekends ago, SD was grounded from her ipod (talking back to BM and disobeying BM). Thursday school let out early and was canceled Friday due to the weather. BM's house lost power so she HAD to spend the night with the new boyfriend and (even though DH & I offered to pick up SD) HAD to take SD with her...ugh...that's another vent. Anyway, the new boyfriend decided not to allow SD to bring her ipod, so she was without it from Thursday evening - Monday evening (Mon was a school holiday so she was with us). I'm thinking that's one of the reasons why she's insisting on laptop for our place. I offered, instead, to get a "family" laptop that she can use whenever she's with us, but SD still wants her "own" laptop. I also said that I wasn't comfortable with getting her a gift that she "had" to leave at our place, and that constantly transporting a laptop (for her) wasn't a great idea. SD still has DH carry all her things in from the car, so I don't worry about her dropping the laptop. Since Christmas, SD has left the charger for her ipod at BM's that we just purchased another one for our place. Also, there's the concern that BM will take over SD's laptop (DS's initial concern with getting SD the ipod)....

I am partly irritated that DH and I agreed (less than a month ago!!) that she was too young, but now she's getting one because she wants one. I don't want this to become an ongoing battle. How do I stop this?

sunbeam0901's picture

We don't send anything to BM's that we buy either, for the same reasons you've listed and also because she would just pawn/sell it for cash. I don't even trust her enough to send a pair of socks home with SS8.

sandy1234's picture

I like the family laptop idea. I grew up in a home where my parents made very little and we just knew that asking for such things(or candy at the grocery store, for that matter) would make our parents feel bad for not being able to afford the object. My whole life I only ever borrowed $20 from my Dad-and I gave it right back to him the next day. I think it is crazy that kids have things like laptops at such young ages(Sorry, I know your house your rules so no offense) especially when I know how it was to not even have the option. And the fact that she is not okay with a family laptop and wants her own makes me mad. That is selfish and greedy. She should be lucky to get the iPod. The first one I got was for my 16th bday and I paid for half of it with $ from my JOB. I'm twenty one now so its not like it was "back in the old days" its just some people are not as fortunate enough to have the opportunity to have even a family laptop so, again, just selfish and greedy that she is insisting on her own instead of simply sharing. Plus, a fmaily one would be a reason for her not to take it to BMs without it being a gift she "had" to leave. The reason wouldn't have to do with BM(to SD) it would be because it was a shared laptop and it would not be fair for her to take it all weekend(or however long)

Una's picture

Personally I think 9 is too young to have a laptop, but that is my opinion. Like Sandy1234, I grew up knowing that finances were hard for my parents and I watched them struggle to provide for us, while they went without. I have never asked my parents for anything, I detest taking money from them, even now, when they are comfortable financially. I think kids nowadays are too entitled, and don't value anything. My SO told me yesterday that he is going over this afternoon to setup the laptop he has brought, with BM, for SD12. She already has a computer in her bedroom and now she has a laptop. When I questioned it, he said she needed one for when she goes away so she can do stuff and watch films???? I didn't say anything, or else an argument would've started. It was only 3 weeks ago we were talking about how children need to learn the value of money and shouldn't get everything they want, and now she has a laptop and a computer at the grand age of 12!! I feel sorry for my kids, if i have any, they will never have as much as other kids do now, and I'm sure they will be bullied, but I just don't understand why kids have to have so much at such a young age. Sorry, rant over.

unbelieveable's picture

Why does a 9 year old need their OWN laptop? If you don't have a laptop at your house get one for the FAMILY. And it STAYS at your house. Christ...sd10 got a tablet for xmas and it was broken one week after...they have 3ds's here - which STAY here...sd10 also bought this "thing" for $25 with her bday money..GONE a week later...someone "stole it." I don't know how your step is...but mine are SO irresponsible.

Step-Volgirl's picture

Kids were out of school on Friday, so I spent the whole day with them alone. SD told me, "You have to think of a new present for me for my birthday. I don't want the laptop anymore." She wanted the laptop to play a game with her mom and mom's mom, but found out she can download it to her ipod.
So she won't be getting a laptop for her birthday, but only because she no longer wants it.... *sigh*

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

I would get her a cheap one for less than $300. I personally don't see a problem with it. If your husband wants to buy her one and he has the money then I don't see the issue.

runfaster's picture

For what it's worth, both of my stepkids have iPads that do not leave their father's and my house. It hasn't been an area of conflict at all. When we presented them to the kids as holiday gifts, we made it crystal clear that they were to stay on the premises at all times, period. I think it's totally possible to enforce a rule like this as long as it's clearly presented and you don't bend the rule ever.

Our rationale: since the kids often go straight to school from one house and then straight home from school to the other house, they'd have the iPads in backpacks at school all day, vulnerable to theft, breakage, etc. We made it equally clear that, should they get broken or stolen, we would not be replacing them.

We haven't gotten any arguments at all.

silver ring's picture

My stepson received a LeapPad from his biological mother's family. He is only 6. He does not play with it when he misbehaves in school or at home. We bought a charge for him as the pad did not have a charger. The pad travels with him, but not the charger. If they need one, they should buy one. He also got a portable DVD player from his biological mother. He has a lot of kids movies. He cut the cord from the DVD because he was not supervised at his biological mother's house. We bought another one, but he does not take it with him when he visits with her. Also, he gets to take only the movies she bought for him. We will not let him watch the movies we bought at her house. We will not allow him to damage them and waste all the money.He can watch them at home. We also send only the clothes and shoes that she bought. She does not have any respect for anything and tries to teach my stepson not to value anything.Things that we bought with our money and she did not contribute with anything.
9 years old for a real laptop is kind of young. Maybe 11 or 12 years old.That is my thinking.