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Coming back to haunt

SweetMom's picture

My husband has a daughter 14. Her half sister, which is DH ex step kid is now 17 and a drop out of high school was on the phone last night with her half sister. This girl ( the ex step kid) came over with her sister on and off from her age of 10 to 13. She was very rude to me and always causing arguments between DH and self. She would influence DH biological daughter to hate us. One day after I misscarried a baby, she said that baby didn’t even exist. DH was in vehicle when she smirked and said it. He stopped her from coming along. 3 christmases ago she came out to car and cried to him so he came home to me and I said let her come. She came and left with a car load of guys her mother approved of and came in late with make-up all smeared. She broke our curfew and rules so he stopped her coming. Also, she told his biological daughter she was not ever coming because he was not her dad. She also attached herself to the bm husband’s calling them daddy as well. Last night I heard DH walk into my step daughters room while she was FaceTiming her half sister and I heard ,” HEY DADEEE” then he shut the door and things went to whispers. Then he came in here and got a text and called his daughter to living room. He said her sister was crying hard to her mother becaus she asked to go over to his mothers with us for Christmas. I said hold up. Why after not coming over or speaking to us for 2 years does she want to come. His daughter said she has burned all her bridges and has screwed her luce up and wants to make amends. Now keep in mind lately the in laws have been very distant towards me, along with DH friends. I said I don’t mind letting someone in my life that wants to be apart of us as a family unit. If she wants to go to his parents then she can go without us. DH wants her to go with us so I said she needs to come here and we need to have a come to Jesus meet. He called her back and crying on the phone she said he broke her heart and she didn’t want to come here but wanted to go over there. After he confronted her of what she said to me she denied it and lied. He said he was right there and heard her say it too. She agreed to come here the day of us going over there. I really don’t want her around me or my son. I could care less if I ever see any of the In laws. But I am giving in. Am I doing the right thing? What does a 17 year old that has wrecked her life and probably pregnant want with us? I told DH he wasn’t married to their mother long or lived in that same house long so why allow someone to call you daddy.. fake fake! I knew this shit would come back to haunt us. He just kept on let things go with the flow to please everyone. I’m so uncomfortable with these people

Ninji's picture

I have a lot of the same issues with my DH's ex step kids. The girl calls him "Daddy" (his own daughter that is six years younger doesn't even call him that). She was rude to DH over social media from the time I met him when she was 12 until he blocked her this year and she's now 20.

She would say rude things to him online and then call and ask for help. He even set it up so that she lived with his parents her senior year of high school (I was not happy with that). We both put up with far to much from her because "she's just a kid and doesn't know better" (DH's words). Now that she is an adult, that excuse doesn't fly anymore.

She was in town for Thanksgiving and BM had her pick SS up from our house for BM's visitation time. I told DH she was NOT welcome in my home. If he wanted to chat with someone that was a bitch to him over and over, he could do it outside our home. I'm done with her.

He talked to her maybe two minutes. I was surprised it was so short. I never understood the need he had to hang on to the relationship with her. Especially when it was crystal clear she was just using him.

I've been with my stepkids much longer than he was a part of the girl exskid's life. I would have no problem walking away from a relationship with them if DH and I divorced and they started treating me like crap.

In your situation, I would tell the 17 yr old that she is old enough to continue a relationship with DH's parents on her own. She doesn't need DH to hold her hand and DH shouldn't expect you to put up with someone that is so toxic to your marriage.

SweetMom's picture

Thank you for response. I have been nervous the last few days. I told my husband to tell her that if she wanted to go over there then go that he didn’t need to hold her hand. Instead, she called him earlier today and said she wasn’t coming that she didn’t want it to be awkward to me. I went out of my way this morning to buy extra Christmas gifts for her and really put thought into something she may like. My husband so upset at her. I told him he needs to take some responsibility for all this mess. He shouldn’t push people. All these years he has pushed me to try with her and her to with us and it was all wrong but I did to please him. He was trying to keep the peace and make it all one big happy ordeal and it’s not. You can’t bring ex step kids into a new marriage and expect them all to mingle. She thinks she can come over here and act like my son and I dont exist and it’s just her, her sister and him. She even said one time he was whipped. I hope my marriage can move forward now.