You are here

Comic Relief

Goonies24's picture

Submitted by Goonies24 on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 6:51pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

Ok people...Still reeling after a particularly bad weekend with my stepkids, I could use some comic relief. Anybody have one (or several) of those complete "WTF?!?!?!" moments with the bio-parent? Or, does anyone have any good jokes to share? lol

I'll start with mine. It may not be all that funny, but it's just so ridiculous, all I can do is laugh.

A few weeks ago, I bought some Flintstones gummy vitamins (the Vitamin C kind). I thought we could all use a good C boost since cold season is upon us. The skids came over that evening and SD8 saw the bottle on the bathroom counter. She asked me what they were and I told her that they were vitamins. I asked DH if she could have some and he said "sure." So, I gave her the proper dose, and SS5 his dose. Well, of course, they loved them (they are quite tasty, for gummy vitamins Smile ).

The next day, they both took their vitamins again.

Not an hour after DH dropped them off with BM that evening, he gets a text from her. It went a little something like this:

"If you are giving the kids vitamins, STOP! They are growing at a fast rate and I'm trying to put a stop to it. Vitamins defeat this."

He didn't respond. I think he was shocked at the stupidity of it. I guess him not responding pissed her off, because a few minutes later, she called, screaming at him. I could hear the entire conversation across the room. She was afraid that freakin' Flintstones were going to turn her kids into giants. She was DEAD SERIOUS. SMH

My mom gave my brother and I Flintstones throughout our entire childhood. I'm 5'4 and my brother is 5'10. Not giants by a long-shot. Now, I could understand her argument if the kids had some kind of condition where taking too much of one particular vitamin could harm them, but, no. They are perfectly healthy, normal kids for their ages. With her, it's something like this, all. the. time.

Ugggghhhhh! LOL

StepDoormat's picture

Submitted by StepDoormat on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 7:21pm

Ok... how about this:

SS10 came over last weekend. He brought his math homework with him. He has ADHD, which makes helping him with homework extremely frustrating. Half-way through it, while he was complaining about being booooored, I told him "Well, maybe you should do your homework on Friday after school with your mom, so that you can play when you're here". I know -- not the most mature comment, but I was frustrated.
He said: "I tried... but BM said you have to help me because this math is too hard for her". Mind you... it was F-ing LONG DIVISION. I have an MBA, but that by no means makes me some long-division champion. I just paid attention in the 4th grade.

Ok... whatever. DH asked SS10 how he was doing in school and what his grades were like the past couple weeks (no report cards yet). He said "Oh, they're better than SISTER1 and SISTER2".
DH: "Oh, yeah? What's wrong with their grades?"
SS10: "SISTER1 got a D. Mom told SISTER1 and SISTER2 that they better stay pretty so they can marry someone with a lot of money, like a doctor. But, BM told me that I am a boy so I have to do good in school".

OMFG. See? This is what BM brags about to people ALL the time. She got knocked up (not that DH isnt equally responsible) while he was in med school. She brags - even to the SDs that she was smart enough to have someone's baby that would make good money! And she has told the girls repeatedly that you have to marry a doctor or a lawyer... because even if you get divorced, you will get to keep a lot of money! <<< She told them that in front of DH after her affair, while they were in marriage counseling!!!

She also told the girls that even if someone is ugly and you don't want to kiss them, make sure you have at least a couple of babies with them so that you'll get money. She felt like that every time she had to look at the hair on DHs back. << SD13 told me this on vacation this summer. DH confronted her about it, since they've talked about (on multiple occasions) talking badly about each other to the kids. Her response: "Well, I don't have to pretend that I am attracted to you. It's obvious that I married you for money".

Yeah... DH is an athlete - has a killer body, I practically have to bitch stare every woman who comes across him at the supermarket! lol. She just says these things to hurt him. Luckily, I don't even think it phases him anymore.

^^^^ This is the same woman who requested the dishwasher. Which, although I support him keeping his word... is why I hate this B and don't want her to have another dime of mine.

Goonies24's picture

Submitted by Goonies24 on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 7:28pm

Oh. My. God. Encouraging your teenage daughters to get knocked up? That's good advice there, mother-of-the-year! Wow! And, talking about their father like that in front of them is just... gross. Blum 3

Goonies24's picture

Submitted by Goonies24 on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 11:46am

LOL! Puppy food! Funny stuff. Why can't I ever come up with something like that in the moment? I'm usually left flabbergasted and with my jaw on the floor.

I'm trying to imagine my dad (or any father figure) babbling like that, and it makes me laugh. Good luck with that, my dear Smile

Goonies24's picture

Submitted by Goonies24 on Sat, 10/27/2012 - 8:29pm

LOL! creepers are the best. It always feels good when you run into the BM when you're having a good hair day, look cute, and are having fun. You can just feel the daggers coming from her direction!