College... maybe
Okay, so it's been a while since I posted and things got a little better. I had the conversations with my SO and everything has settled down until now. My SD 17 has gotten accepted to a college and will be moving back with her BM in September to attend. Here is the issue, my SD won't do anything on her own, she had my SO fill out the paperwork, she won't call the college hell, were not even sure if she actually sent in the application after giving her our income info. Her BM wouldn't help her saying it was up to her. ( which I actually agree with...SURPRISE)! My Sd refuses to get a job cause she thinks her BM and my SO should pay for everything not covered. She refuses to actually follow up with college paperwork, cause it's too stressful and has already said " if college doesn't work I'll just move back". My SD is very dependent on everyone except herself. She won't feed herself, she won't get a job, she won't make a phone call, she won't follow through with anything, she won't even socialize with people , she has no friends ( she never has)How the hell is she suppose to go through college. What can I do to make my SO just let her do it. Make her stand on her own two feet. She refuses to work, refuses to get a license ( we live in a remote rural area and we are her taxi service).
Help please !
It's very sad that her
It's very sad that her parents have stunted her development by not teaching her independence. You can't "make" your DH do anything, but you can Stop making it easy for him to coddle her. Stop giving her rides and assisting the enabling in any other way.
Let her know point blank that if she thinks your home will be her "back up" plan to college that she will be working, paying rent, and buying and cooking her own food.
Disengage
You did not create a person who underdeveloped, and can not do anything for herself. She most likely not last long in college. Who is going to dress her ? There nothing you can do to undo what her BP did to her. All you can do is to make sure she does not move back into your home. Bio parents create this let them handle it.
Ban her from your home.
Ban her from your home.
She will not make it through
She will not make it through college unless she makes some MAJOR changes. Make sure your SO knows that you don't want adult children who fail to launch living with you.
How do they think she will
How do they think she will succeed in college if she can't even fill out the paperwork herself?
Stop being her taxi or doing anything else to help this continue.
Once she is out and off to
Once she is out and off to college... she stays out. Once she goes to school near BM, she is BM's problem.
Keep it simple.
What can I do to make my SO
What can I do to make my SO just let her do it. Make her stand on her own two feet. She refuses to work, refuses to get a license ( we live in a remote rural area and we are her taxi service).
This girl has been enabled her entire life so to try and "change" her would be useless. Your SO can't make her and she won't stand on her own two feet because its never been required from her parents. Why would she want to work, get her license and be independent when her parents do it ALL. What a great disservice to this child and to think that it's not going to get better because she continues to get cottled.
Disengage!
If you try to intervene at all, you will be blamed for everything by everyone.
Feral Forger - she is 20, and no drivers license and she relies on UBER and MOTHER for rides. She has gone no contact with DH, but before that as a kid at 15-18 when she was living partime with us - she could barely boil water. She did start a job, and tried taking summer classes at community college.
But I believe her parents enabled her to be disabled. I am always telling Munchkin SD13 in casual conversation that my hopes and dreams and wishes for her are for her to go out into the world and be an independant, happy person, who follows her dreams (has dreams and aspirations!) and follows them and are successful.
I try not to criticise her sister and say "dont be like your sister", because that puts it into her head the picture. I want to draw a picture in Munchkinds head of positive things. Possibilities. What she CAN do. Look at all the fun and wonderful things in life! All you need to attain that is X,Y Z.
With Feral Forger, it was too late and I didnt have as clear a vision as I do now. I think she was depressed and her mother just medicates her instead of looking at root causes. And has created a stunted feral creature who just whines and complains, plays victim.
I am very much focused on grooming Munchkin to think of her future, of goals, of college and travel, and GROWTH. I dont want her to go down the same pathway.
You must disengage - its too late for your influence to make much difference. She has parents - let DH enable her at his own expense, and time. Do not DO for her.