Cold and selfish? Or normaL?
Hi! I am new to this forum. I just got out of a 5 year relationship with my ex who has 2 children from his previous marriage. I have been in his kids' lives since they were very young (3 and 6, they are now 8 and 11). When I met him he was recently divorced and I heard all about how horrible his ex wife was from him and his mother. I was told she was a narcisssist,mcheater, not a good mother, abusive, self absorbed, etc. During this time I caught him exchanging very friendly texts with his ex. Odd behavior for someone who thinks that that person is a cheater, bad mother, narcissist, abusive, etc. Fast forward to several years later we began to have problems in our relationship. The first signs were his temper after the honeymoon stage was over. He would blow up at me over ridiculous things. Sometimes he was non reactive and fine, other times the same things would happen and he would get in my face and yell at me over seemingly nothing. One time he got so angry over me wanting to discuss his daughters behavior (she threw a heavy hard cover book at her sisters head full speed down the stairs) he got in my face yelled at me and told me to leave and that I was always complaining. I left. He retaliated by visiting a female friend and not inviting me I had never met who lived in another state whom he grew up with. I should've left then and not looked back but we got back together and I stuck around thinking he would change. Things improved for awhile and were great for several months only for him to blow up at me again because I suggested (while we were discussing moving in together) that he sell his house and downsize since he was behind on his payments and get something more affordable. He yelled at me telling me I made him feel very low and began to drive very fast down the highway and we were pulled over by the police and he got a ticket for which he blamed me for. He would not talk to me for the rest of the day after that. He would do the same to his kids and mother at times and blow up at them over conversations that needed to be had. He was not always like this. Sometimes he was very sweet, caring, romantic and charming. Over the past year things had gotten worse. I also noticed he became quite close to his ex whom his mother and him badmouthed when I had met him. He began to take some responsbility for the divorce and was hanging around and talking to his ex quite a bit. He also began pressuring me to move in again but I was never about his temper and the way he was hiding communication with his relationship with his ex from me. I also did not get invited to several work/social events that involved meeting his coworkers and friends and when I asked him why he blew up at me and accused me of being controlling and told me to leave. Fast forward to several weeks later and his youngest daughter, whom I adore but whom has been difficult, was being very mouthy with me the entire day. When I treid to address it he screamed at me and told me to pack my bags and leave. His mother was also there and told me I as wrong ad shouldn't bring the daughters behavioral issues up as it hurts her feelings. I felt ganged up on by him, his mother and his daughter.I did leave. Other problems I noticed he was having were financial problems, large debts, and utilities being shut off and put back on. Refinancing his hosue to pay off large credit card debts. HIm taking his mother to the car dealership to cosign for him (he is a 39 year old man) instead of asking me to go with him to help pick out cars like normal couples do. He would always tell me I am too independent. I ended things for the final time and left him for good after his last blow up involving me mentioning his daughters behavior and him and his mother ganging up on me. I have some regrets because I miss the good parts of the relationship. I also miss his kids immensely as they were a huge part of my life. I asked him if I could still be involved in their lives and he told me no unless we were going to be together then told me he missed me and wanted me back. I told him I had to think about it but a couple of weeks later I noticed he is already in a relationship with another woman and they are "engaged" (even though she lives over 800 miles away). Nail in coffin for our relationship. I am heart broken. BTW he accused me of being a narcissist because I stood up for myself yet he moves on this quickly? I do miss his kids and think it is so cold that I was a huge part of their lives for 5 years and he just cuts me out as if I did not exist. Do you think his kids ever ask about me and what do you think he tells his kids if they do? That I just disappeared? I think this is so cold. It is also cold that he moved on so quickly only a couple weeks after we split up and him trying to get me back. BTW his long distance "fiance" isn't anything to write home about. She's older, not attractive, not that it makes it any better but it owuld be worse if she was hot or younger. She also is an artist/hippie type with no kids(doesn't seem motherly but who knows) Very odd. Not bashing her but I don't understand it. I was always told I was too independent. I don't understand why he was so cold and heartless towards me either. He treated me as if I never existed now. Got rid of me on his facebook. Never calls nor texts. 5 years I was like a mom to his kids and now its like I never existed. It seems so unbelievably cold and callus. I guess everything I did for those poor kids was a big waste of time and energy and my mistake was getitng attached to them. I am incredibly depressed now and do not understand what happened. Can someone please give me some insight?