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Clueless man? Or uncaring man? Opinions?

theoutsider's picture

I had surgery on my wrist Monday. The surgery DID NOT go as planned and took two hours instead of one and the doctor had to cut into my palm as well as across the bend in my wrist and down my arm. May whole right hand and up to my elbow is in a cast and cloth wrap. Can't lift more than a coffee cup by doctors orders or I could pop my stitches. Did not go to work all this week even though I have a desk job, because it is all computer and keyboard work. Today was the first day I'm cleared to do any driving.

So,...two things

1. Monday night before my boyfriend even sees me(my mother took me) BUT he knew the surgery was more complicated(took longer, had to cut more), less than 3 hours after the surgery, he calls and asks me to write out a list he needs of maybe 100 things for him. And I laugh at him on the phone, "uh, you know I just had surgery on my wrist today, remember?" "I was just asking, I didn't know if you could write" "No,...no I can't write with my right hand the day I had surgery on it." "Ok I'll do it when I get home."

2.This morning less than 5 full days after the surgery. First day I AM ALLOWED to drive. I just got a phone call from him while he was working at his parent's house. "How are you feeling?" "Well 12yogirl woke me up coming home from the slumber party and now she is doing chores so I guess I won't be going back to sleep" "Can you drive into (X-Town 20 miles away) and pick up 200lbs of grass seed and a spreader?" "Are you kidding me? I've JUST been cleared to drive TODAY and you want me to drive 20 miles on the highway one handed by myself as the first time to drive since the surgery?" "I was just asking if you could, I'll get someone else to do it."

---I'm thinking HOW insensitive! I JUST had surgery and will be in this cast thing without the use of my right hand for at least another week.

These are both things I would have done before the surgery, no question, BUT come on...

Is this a man's sheer obliviousness of what's going on?? Or does he really just still expect me to still do everything for him he is used to me doing???

Jays13's picture

Not all of us are clueless. This guy is just a selfish ass hole. AND/OR the biggest idiot in the world.

OP has this man shown concern since your surgery? Has he offered to help you out or ask how you're healing? If not then he likely doesn't care about you to the degree you deserve.

If he's giving you reason to question this much then I'd follow your instinct

Disneyfan's picture

Based on what you've posted about him in the past, I say it's just another example of him not caring about you.

SugarSpice's picture

if he cared, or cared to learn about your surgery, he would be concerned. its just not that important to him. you exist to do his chores.

draw the logic here. he does not care.

with Dh, anything to do with the skids and he is all worried and involved and sticking his nose to find out about it. with me anything I ask and he forgets.

sbm014's picture

^^This as well - I know several men who would have been there for anything minuet I know DH would if he was home and even when I have a cold restricts my household duties lol

I also agree about the fact he sucks as a boyfriend from what I've read.

amber3902's picture

I think we say "it's a guy thing" to make excuses for our BF/SO/husbands when they are jerks.

That way we can tell ourselves it's okay to accept this kind of treatment. I think we get it from the previous generation of women. Not long ago, when divorce was not as easy to come by as it is now, our mothers had no choice but to accept the treatment they received from their husbands. So they came up with excuses for their husbands when they treated them crappy.

Oh, he's just being a man. Men are clueless, he doesn't know I just got out of surgery and can't drive. He's clueless, he doesn't see that sink full of dishes that needs to done. He's a man, parenting just comes easier to us women.