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Christmas Shopping

StepDoormat's picture

Submitted by StepDoormat on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 10:50am

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General Discussion

DH and I keep most of our money separate. I can't deal with the thought of my money going to his greedy ex or his spoiled kids.

This is our first Christmas. I am having nightmares about it. Honestly. We have been through birthdays for all 3 of them. DH has been pretty modest in what he's purchased for him. The truth is, that even with his salary, we aren't in a super great financial situation because 35% of his takehome pay goes to CS & alimony and 25% to student loans.

According to the paperwork, he is supposed to have all 3 skids on Christmas. I have a feeling that this will NOT happen... actually I am secretly praying that it won't. SD16 and SD13 have not visited since July or talked to/returned his texts/pages since Sepetember. SS10 visits EOW and isn't *horrible* but he is very spoiled and misbehaved.

I don't want to spend much money on them. I'm sure their mom will go out of her way buying elaborate gifts... and then complain to DH that she can't pay any of her bills.

The last time we saw SDs was for SD16's birthday. We took all 3 skids out for a treat. SD16 text him while we were on the way and said: "I should have told you... but all I want for my birthday is money." Then, she made sure to tell us that BM gave her money AND bought her ALLLL these clothes. I felt like saying "NO - WEEEEEE bought them for you with the money we give her every month!!". Such a spoiled brat. The following week? BM text DH that she didn't have money for some other things the kids needed, including lunch money.

I know it's Christmas. But, why is that a reason to reward kids who are selfish, greedy, and hurtful? I think buying them each one gift (maybe 2) is sufficient. They don't get two smorgasboards of celebration, do they?

What do others do?

my.kids.mom's picture

Submitted by my.kids.mom on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 11:32am

I personally feel that kids should wake up Christmas morning in their primary residence. They can see the other parent the night before, Christmas afternoon, whatever... My bf had his kids Christmas morning and I just think it's weird when they live with their mom MOST of the time, especially when he pays for her to take care of them, and now has to buy them all these gifts that will stay at his home never being touched? Just stupid. Set a money amount that you can afford for each child. End of discussion. They get what they get, and if they don't like it, they can suck it!

P.S. Moms who get cs and don't realize that when they shop for Christmas, their ex is helping pay for those gifts are just ignorant. I can't stand my ex, but when I purchased my kids a bball goal last year I put his name on it, too. It's only fair.

Megh's picture

Submitted by Megh on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 11:41am

When we had the skids over for their birthday our first year together I was mortified by their lack of gracious behavior. I bought them clothes and things that they will need for their fathers house. They asked me where the toys were. I blamed it on poor upbringing by their BM based on the stories from my DH. After their birthday we send books and clothes. That is it. One outfit, a seasonal Jacket and one book. My son's Bf sends him one gift in the mail for his birthday and one for Christmas with a letter. I let my son open it and once it's open while the excitement is still there he calls his Dad to thank him so he can hear the excitement. After he winds down and has played with, read or worn whatever was sent we sit together and he writes a letter and draws a picture, we take a walk to the post office and he puts it in the mailbox. I am not your typical BM. One gift is fine.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 12:16pm

My DH is in charge of buying gifts for his skids. He's modest in his purchases as well, so it works out beautifully.

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 1:18pm

SD16 got a $75 Kindle Keyboard (bought on special on Black Friday) and stocking stuffers last year.

This year, she wants good luggage and/or a longboard (skater thing?). The latter would require a trip to a specialty shop, so we'll see. We'll also see what BM gets her.

DH and I have been hammering on the "less stuff, more experiences" button for a few years now, and I think it's working. We three went to DC and played tourist for a week. Like us, SD16's favorite part was going to the exotic ethnic restaurants - Ethiopian, Afghan, Brazilian-style steakhouse. When BM found out what we had done (monuments and tours during the day, "different" food in the evenings) her question was, "why didn't you just get souvenirs?

BM will never understand nor appreciate the love of new experiences we're trying to inculcate in SD15. I think THAT will take SD16 further than how much STUFF someone will buy her.

sbm014's picture

Submitted by sbm014 on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 3:41pm

SO is getting a big gift and I am getting SS a big gift. We will then share small gifts and then Santa will come and he will get something. I think SO's big gift will be the Santa gift this year and we will share - but I don't mind spending money on SS. He says thank you and he knows that his mom may get him more toys but it isn't for lack of caring but that we want to be able to not only provide him with nice clothes and a better lifestyle. He will randomly bring up that his mom gets him more but SO will remind him that isn't how daddy works and he shuts up for a couple months.

AngeLily's picture

Submitted by AngeLily on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 3:55pm

This is a MAJOR issue for me too. We will have SS7, BS12 and DD Christmas morning. SS14 will come that afternoon and BS15 I will see probably Christmas Eve. In my opinion, SS14, BS15, SS7 should get small amounts of things from my DH and I because they live with others primarily. It isn't about 'they don't get as much because we don't see them as much' it is that they will be getting a lot from the parent they live with. The older kids generally want more expensive things and it equals just a couple things. I DO NOT see why SS7 gets TWO LARGE Christmases and cannot justify spending so much money on something a child will use 4 days a month because he can't take things back and forth. Would I really want to be sending an ipad back and forth? No, but that is why I can't see buying one for this 7 year old either.
I have every intention of limiting what is purchased and including "boring" things like books and clothes and shoes. But all the kids get that stuff.

Sheridan1212's picture

Submitted by Sheridan1212 on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 12:08am

Christmas is a big event in all over the world for christmas everyone want get ready for shopping this is day of happiness and love everyone is happy on christmas. :jawdrop: