Christmas
As Christmas is coming I want to ask who pays for Xmas in your homes?
I have finished my Xmas shopping for my bios my partner paid £10 towards. I paid £50 for a present for each of his children and bought their Xmas pjs and a present each from my bios which is a lot less than I spent on my bios now I know Xmas day will come and bios will have a reasonable pile of presents each and skids will have around 3 gifts each. I have told my partner I'm doing no more now and it's all on him to buy his kids presents. Is that fair of me? He's pretty rubbish at gifts and his 2 are really difficult to buy for. The only thing they seem to do is play on electronics and they already have them. I wouldn't be bothered at all but they are here for Xmas day and I don't want any child to be upset on Xmas but if I buy all skids presents I won't have anything left to get bits if I want to get more for bios or Xmas food or decorations I want. Does that sound selfish?
You are asking if it's
You are asking if it's selfish to ask a father to pay for gifts for his own children? And you already paid more than he has for them? Why exactly would that be selfish?
Probabbly because HE makes
Probabbly because HE makes her feel like that, you know, because she should "love them like her own" or "it's not fair" or some such bs.
I think I'd be upfront with
I think I'd be upfront with him, and let him know that you're tapped out and let him know what you've gotten for his kids. Let him know also what you've gotten for your kids. That sounds like what you've done. If he's not good at purchasing gifts and you don't mind, offer to shop for his kids, but with HIS money. If he doesn't want to spend money on his kids, you can either let the chips fall as they may or give your kids some of their gifts when the skids aren't there. If these are Santa-age kids, I wouldn't do the latter. In no event would I spend more than I'm comfortable with on the skids, nor would I feel guilty or like I'm not being fair. If their father doesn't want to provide them with the equivalent of what you're providing to your kids, why should you?
My skids will be with BM for Christmas this year, so she'll be buying all the "Santa presents." DH and I have both bought presents for skids and our bio, but we haven't gone overboard on any of them - they'll each get a few. None of them really "need" anything, as we provide them with toys and experiences throughout the year.
Keep in mind, many kids get
Keep in mind, many kids get TWO Christmases each year so the presents they get at your home are only a percentage of the total haul of goodies.
I'm not a fan of doing the shopping for your SO, simply because it's a slippery slope and not your responsibility. Your SO is capable, so don't overcompensate for him. I do think communication is key, as is setting a budget for how much will be spent on each kid.
Keep it fair, stay in your lane, and hold your SO accountable: this is how we survive Christmas in stepland