Child of our own
My husband has 2 girls and they mostly live with their mom. We have together several years and for a while I wasn't sure about having children ourselves. Mostly because of money and no help with family as they all live far away but recently I got a job that pays ALOT more and we talked recently how if we can save in the next year and I have this job long term we could afford a child of our own. I know it may sound silly but for budget purposes I've looked into daycare prices and they literally are way more than what my husband makes! I was thinking if we are savvy enough he could be a stay home dad until he/she goes to school and I would pay his child support. Both of our cars will be paid off by next year. I am the type of person who needs to plan above and beyond because I've seen soo many of my friends struggle financially when they had children. Has anyone heard of a stepparent paying their spouses support? I would never not pay it but I feel this would be the only smary way to have a child together. I know as long as money comes in his ex is always very nice lol.
I think that overall this is
I think that overall this is a terrible idea. Not the having a child part but assuming the responsibility of supporting your DH's prior family part.
If you are going to do this then have the child, DH can keep working, you can work, and together you can raise your child together and figure out the day care thing.
IMHO of course.
The reason this idea of him
The reason this idea of him not working and staying home is because most goodday cares I looked into are way more than what he makes gross weekly. We would actually make negative the amount if he worked and our child would be raised by daycare professionals. This wouldn't be permanent maybe for a few years.
I am sorry but I am with
I am sorry but I am with Rags, this is just not a reasonable idea at all. If you start paying his support, you never know what may happen in the future and he could claim YOU paid his support and could easily prove it. With another child being born, he might claim he has no money, does not work and put you somehow in the crazy legal mix to pay your own child's support, or even spousal support- should you ever separate. And, skids complicate marriage. I recommend protecting yourself financially now and waiting until your are BOTH ready.
He needs to get on his feet financially too-- before you think about ever having a child with him.
All three of my kids are in
All three of my kids are in daycare. She does not raise them. I do. And good child care is not always found in the expensive centers. One of the best child care providers I ever had was a 16 year old boy that watched them this summer. He and his family treated them like they were family and I had zero complaints the entire summer.
"....and our child would be
"....and our child would be raised by daycare professionals."
If your husband stays home while you work, does that mean you will not be raising your child? Do parents stop raising their children when the kids are old enough to go to kindergarten?
Day care teachers are NOT raising the kids that are in their care. They are providing a service for the parents.
I have been a teacher for 24 years. I have TAUGHT hundreds of children. (3 years old-5th grade)However, I only RAISED one and that 1 was my son.
I think you took this way too
I think you took this way too personally. I just meant instead of putting a child in daycare 40 hours a week they could interact and be cared for and taught by their actual parent all day long. No it doesn't mean people who do daycare no longer raise their children I just thought for us specifically and financially him not working at all would benefit our wallets and more time with our child but with all these posts maybe him working part time would be more reasonable.
It is an unfortunate phrase
It is an unfortunate phrase that that has seeped into use that is usually either trying to justify someone wanting to stay home with thier kids or trying to put down someone who works and gets help with childcare from another source. Disney is just pointing out the fallacy of the phrase for you so that you do not get trapped into believing it too. Turning it around onto Disney by saying that she took it too personally is just another put down as if she had no other reason to offer you some good advice than her own personal neurosis. Do what you want but remember that childcare will not take the place of a parent.
Do not pay his CS. The last
Do not pay his CS. The last thing you need is for BM to take him to court and use your income to determine the amount of CS that he should be paying.
He could stay home with the baby during the day, then work nights to pay CS and contribute financially to the home
Ya I was thinking that too,
Ya I was thinking that too, that if they see me making the payments they will think he doesn't need to work because I could afford it all. I think maybe him going part time would be best. Call me selfish but I'd rather work more and have him around more to help then him working nights. We would have no other people helping
If you allow this, you are
If you allow this, you are setting yourself up for financial doom--legally, should he ever walk. He would have everything to gain by walking out on you.
Do not do this, this is a crazy idea kind lady. It will seriously backfire on you one day!
I am not a fan, these days,
I am not a fan, these days, of anyone giving up their careers. And the implications of the whole child support thing could come back and bite you. Day care costs go down as the baby ages, so that will help as well.
Look into nanny sharing, and see if that is a cheaper option the first year.
Do you really make that much
Do you really make that much more than he does? Why would he stay home and not you?
Please don't get into the Mom vs Dad argument, I think either parent can stay home. I ask because hopefully you'll get maternity leave or unemployment for the first year and then you can reassess where you are financially. You might even qualify for a subsidy.
Is he over paying CS, maybe you could check into that?
If you pay his CS you will eventually resent it, if you don't already. Your child will go without while you are paying for his first 2 to have everything they need and want.
And as someone else pointed out, what happens if things don't work out? Do you want to pay him alimony and CS because for 5 years he stayed home?
What happens if he doesn't want to go back at that time, or you have another child and he's home for 8 - 10 years?
What will his job skill set be at that time? What kind of job will he be able to get?
I understand that all these things can apply to Mom too but most employers these days understand Moms coming back into the work force. Not so much for Dads. Someday this might be different but not today.
With my new job yes I would
With my new job yes I would make 3x as he would in one day. This isn't very common in my field but I have a lot of experience and found a great position that I'm so excited about. And yes your right I don't think him quitting completely would be a good idea. His job is good and they are growing - I'd hate for him to loose any advances in career opportunities. It was basically an idea because it would save us money but maybe when it gets down to it I can look even more into daycares in homes. I know those are a lot less. I have a friend who told me she pays 850/week for 2 kids daycare in the summer. Woah! Prices are crazy right? So wish we had family or help. That's ok just thinking of what would work best and to not ever let cs go as it is super important. I think he may go nuts too lol
Yes we plan to budget
Yes we plan to budget accordingly. Both cas and credit cards will be paid off and I'm already done with cable lol. We are looking into buying a home which is actually way cheaper than rent! But idk if I could ever let go of amazon prime!!:( lol jk
Consider that all it takes is
Consider that all it takes is a car accident, a catastrophic illness, addiction or whatever and DH's two daughters will be living with you full-time. In the blink of an eye. Two girls that require care & feeding. Extracurricular activities, college tuition, braces, medical insurance ... Consider that your household finances are not just you and under-utilized DH, but that your family is currently a family of four. Plan accordingly.
Perhaps DH could consider returning to school to retool his skills and position himself into a more lucrative career?
NO no no... you will not pay
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: NO no no... you will not pay his CS, he will not stay at home...
it's not only CS to be paid, wake up lady, you are going to make a huge huge mistake if you go this way.
YOu started working, you make enough money, keep your money separate from DH's income, you only pay 50% of livery, and nothing more, safe your money till you can afford coping on your own.
If you are not financially strong enough to have children, then do not have children, it's that easy.
I actually said with my new
I actually said with my new job id have more than enough money to afford everything and if you also read the posts I said I agree going part time for my dh would be more ideal so he can pay his own support...not much "waking up" I have to do. This was only an idea..if it was a set decision I wouldn't be on here posting for advice. ..
Calm down woman...... I did
Calm down woman...... I did get it was only an idea from your side... that's why I said wake up....
the idea is a dream.....
Never go for shared finances, this you only do if you are newly weds with no children, but as soon as there's step children involved, keep the money matters separate..... so many people fall into the whole of supporting an Ex wife who sits at home, do nothing, go on long holidays, why the SM and DH work their butts off trying to live....
as soon as the BM finds out you are paying the CS she will milk you for more and more and more.....
If you can afford everything, get another idea....would you like to have a baby girl or a baby boy?
BOY. no question. hey OP,
BOY. no question.
hey OP, please dont get defensive, acratopotes gives wise advise. not everyone speaks the same as you, give her a little leeway
water off a duck's back
water off a duck's back Tuff...
I get how she feels, she feels like we are attacking and we are not, she just have to get use to us
Everyone here has been kind
Everyone here has been kind and are trying to keep you from making a mistake that may end up costing you big bucks.
Your responses are pretty darn sparky. If you have it all figured out, why bother asking for opinions? :?
****
****
I am the type of person who
I am the type of person who needs to plan above and beyond
If the above statement is true, you would see that having him stay home and you paying his child support is a bad, bad idea.
I agree it is sensible to
I agree it is sensible to plan a head when having children because they are expensive. But while you are planning on saving due to your new earnings, I would suggest he looks for a better paying job to help towards the costs.
He should be covering 50% of the costs for any children you have together.
If nothing else, his age
If nothing else, his age makes your scenario iffy. He's 38. Say you get pregnant a year from now. Baby arrive when he's a hair from 40. Takes off for five to six years or even whatever part time evening job he could find during those 5/6 years. That's going to find him at 45-46 years old out in the job market trying to complete for a 9-5 job with bunches of twentysomethings who are waving their new college degrees at potential employers.
If he's currently doing labor type job it also needs to be considered if he would stay fit enough staying at home for six years to go back to that wear and tear on his body.
I'm thinking this guy doesn't pay a whole lot in CS to begin with and has a rather low paying job. What happens if your new wonderful job bites the dust three years from now?