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Changing My Past SM Ways is Starting to Pay Off

ClutterMusings's picture

Being naive & compassionate really blew up in my face. Thanks to disengaging and focusing on myself for once in my marriage is finally starting to pay off so I just wanted to share.

1. I have started on focusing on eating healthy and have lost weight. Stress and anxiety was causing mindless eating, lack of sleep, irritability and feeling frumpy. Now, I can fit in my old clothes and take the time to look my best and feel my best. With focusing on what is important to me and not slaving and sacrificing my sanity and health for H & BM drama with my skid, I feel SO MUCH BETTER!

2. I no longer spend my money on my skid. H is now fully responsible for that. I used to buy her new clothes, food she loves, and surprises. My bank account is much happier, I am no longer resentful for not being appreciated, and I don't feel obligated to put money toward a kid that's not mine. It may sound harsh...but I want you to know H hasn't even mentioned it and SD hasn't missed a beat. I was putting myself in a bind for no reason. This makes me happy.

3. BM is no longer allowed to ruin my plans or family plans. I could care less, and if her pawning or keeping SD longer than we planned means that SD is not going to make our family outing, oh well. I will not miss out on MINE AND MY BD1's life and plans because BM tries to ruin it. I also don't let H ruin my plans if he decides to do whatever BM wants. I continue on my life without them.

4. Taking care of SD basics is no longer my responsibility. H has to get her up, make her shower, take care of tooth brushing, lunches, and dinner, etc. This relieves stress I was putting on MYSELF trying to be really involved. Again, the world didn't fall apart when I stopped. What stopped was extra stress and anxiety ON ME.

5. I have given up guilt and pity. I no longer feel sorry for H or SD based on their past with BM/ex. It's not my fault and H is responsible for protecting US. Giving up guilt (especially) has been the most freeing feeling I have experienced in years. I don't know WHY I felt guilty, I just did. Like maybe I could "do" more. Maybe I could "understand" more, maybe I could "be" more. None of that served me, and now a weight has been lifted.

There is more than this that I am changing but these stick out in my mind. I am still a work in progress. It feels strange giving up some of the things I was doing and putting up with as far as H, SD, and BM are concerned, but SO worth it. I plan on continuing in this direction and I WILL NEVER EVER EVER LOOK BACK.

momandmore's picture

Good for you!!

I recently had some health issues come up and all fingers point to stepHell. I just started working on it this weekend and hope I can soon say the same.

Awesome job!

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Congrats! Now if I could just nail #5, Id be better off! And things are being done that have an impact on my house, so I can't be fully disengaged, but I'm trying!

Good job!

~ Moon