You are here

Can you hate your step daughter so much to a point that you want to kill her?

Ashleystepmom's picture

This is a shocking video I found on youtube.

I want you to watch it and let me know if this woman has any justification to feel the way she does.

Is the simple name calling of "evil woman" really the answer of this story?

What are you thoughts?

Ashleystepmom's picture

The problems I have with Dr. Phil are the following,

a. He said to the man, "You are a father first, a husband second, it is not even a close call.."

b. "The child did not ask to be in this situation." I don't agree.
Her birth mother told her own daughter that this woman is evil, that is why it is her birth mother's fault to teach her daughter to be hateful.

What are your thoughts?'s picture

I was wondering the same thing??? Shouldn't your relationship come first, so you are a united front with your children???

I understand this situation is different and it is tough but I think this lady needs some counseling. I don't blame her for hating the child but she should not put her hands on her esp if she doesn''t have self control. And I do think she should be a little more compassionate, This little girl is confused, lost her mom and feels as though she lost her dad. She should have gotten some help before it got to this point.

Also, if my FDH said he would kill my child, I would probley kill him first!!!!

Anon2009's picture

I can honestly say I've never hated someone to the point of wanting to kill them. Not even bm.

I like Dr. Phil but don't agree with everything he says (but then again, I don't agree with John Rosemond on everything either).

I agree the child didn't ask to be born into this. But I often disagree with how Dr. Phil handles BMs and I disagree with how he handled this kid's bm.

And I don't agree that the kids should always come first. There will be times when they have to come first and times when the spouse has to come first. I don't think these situations are so black and white that one could say, "spouses always come first" or "the kids always come first." There's a way to make it so that everyone feels important.'s picture


doll faced sm's picture

"I Pray for You" was my BM theme song for a bit. But about a child, any child, no way.

doll faced sm's picture

I answered this without viewing the video, but with all the comments, I went back to watch it. Disgusting. Both of them are absolutely dispicable people.

jojo68's picture

Family should come first not one part in that means sometimes kids come first and sometimes spouse come first. Dr Phil is wrong on this one in my opinion.

Anon2009's picture

My heart especially aches for the little girl. She's essentially lost her mom. I hope she is receiving counseling and with people who love her.

StickAFork's picture

There's a special hot spot in hell for this woman, imo.

And the DH/BD? Someone needs to mail that man a set of balls.
First, what could possibly be attractive about a man who divorces his vegetative wife...shortly after she became that way?
Second, WHY would he marry such an evil, awful woman and have her around his daughter?

This makes me sick.
Men like that should be neutered. No more babies if you've fucked up the one you've got!!

Ashleystepmom's picture


Not_what_I_wanted's picture

I have to side with Dr. Phil this time. That father is pitiful. They had an affair, the BM found out, then was hurt in an accident and is in a vegetative state and the poor little girl is obviously in turmoil. Of course she hates the SM, why wouldn't she? She needs her father now more than ever, that is all she has left. If the SM cant handle her, she needs to move on.

He needs to be a parent to that child. I dont understand how that SM could possibly think it was ok to act how she is acting. She knew he had a child when she started messing around with him but now that she has him to herself, she wants to get rid of the kid? Grow up already. Seeing her attitude it seems pretty obvious she has not ever liked the child, regardless of how she was treated.

She needs to leave, he needs to throw her out.

red flags's picture

WOW! Now don't get me wrong, I do think that a 6 year old has the capacity to drive a step mom bonkers, but it amazes me that these two numbskulls haven't sought professional help yet! Do you really need a talk show host to tell you to seek counseling?!? Pathetic. The lady may be off her rocker, but you have to admire her honesty. It takes a really screwed up situation to admit that you hate a 6 year old child on national television. I hope they ALL get help!

Ashleystepmom's picture

Absolutely! I too admire this lady's honesty. I think this lady is the only one who has been honest here.
They all need help, especially the poor little girl and the ball-less man. In term of the lady, she should just leave the situation.

IronRose's picture

I just cannot understand how two adults cannot find a solution to stop a 6y/o from peeing in the car.

1) Take her to the bathroom, watch her pee.
2) Put her in a pull-up after she's pee'd and off the toilet.

Once she stops wetting in the car, try without a pull-up, but still follow #1.

This isn't rocket science.

Lalena75's picture

I couldn't even watch the whole thing I was so disgusted with these people wtf wa dad thinking moving his 4 yr old out of a hospital after a tragic accident losing her mom right to a home with another woman! To top it off he never let or helped this child heal before thrusting her into a situation she had no control over no mom and a woman whi admits to abusing her, hating her and truely wants her dead! Who would want to be with someone like that. Cps I'm sure will be involved and this poor kid is gonna spend the rest of her life screwed up because daddy just couldn't wait to give her a new mommy two traumas back to back and dad doesn't give two shits selfish pos both of them I hope their community tears them to bits after this aired. I'm furious for this kid she doesn't even have a parent defending her from further harm SM is in this situation creating her worst fear that this kid may someday cause her harm I would if I were the kid.

Rags's picture

Coming from a man who puts his marriage above all else I find Dr. Phil'ss comment about parent first and husband a distant second to be a major flip in his perspective.

There has to be some extenuating fact applicable to the specific guests situation that is influencing Dr. Phil.

I am surprised by his flip flop in perspective.

If he is serious, he is WRONG!!!

hereiam's picture

I have not watched the video so I am just commenting based on others' comments but it seems in this situation, because of the tragedy this little girl has gone through, Dr. Phil means that this man should have (and still be) focused on his daughter's well being before a relationship with this woman. This man should not even be a husband at this point (or at least it seems from the comments). He really needs to be taking care of his child. This is not the step situation most of us are familiar with.

I agree with the poster who said the little girl should be placed with a real family because these people obviously don't care about her at all.

TASHA1983's picture

I am a firm believer...

Marriage = #1 Priority
Being a parent = #1 Responsibility

I am honest with my BF that I do not like his S11. He accepts and repsects my feelings and his pov is that as long as I dont abuse his son in any way or treat him horribly he understands my feelings and we are on the same page about his kid and how to handle/deal with him.

I honestly wish my BF was kidless and that skid & bm were out of the picture, because skid and bm bring nothing but stress & drama when they are in the picture. But, unfortunately, it is what it is. I love my BF and we try to make the best of a not so great situation as best we can.

But if I had feelings to the point where I wanted to physically harm skid or want to kill him then its safe to say that I or my BF should leave. It would suck because I would want to be with him but oh well...time to find a kidless man at that point.

WTHDISUF's picture

Only in this case since the child doesn't have a Mom, do I agree that he's Dad first. The complications here are the fact that they started as an Affair so BM may have already told child enough to make her dislike SM and now Mom is not available. Dad is spineless so she's acting out terribly with the urinating and such. Right now is a very fragile time in the kids life and it has to take precedent to get it resolved or at least managed. Something is going on with her that needs more help than she's getting right now.

Dr. Phil is not the best option in this case. I believe he's responding with feelings and he does not like this SM for her actions or feelings so he's telling the Dad to put the kid first, not because that's what he believes (as he's often said just the opposite) but because he has an ax to grind. It's probably a good idea for SM to take a backseat now and work WITH her Husband to help the girl vs trying to challenge the situation and be first. If her feelings are too bitter, she should probably leave the marriage b/c she's unable to move forward.

If I ever felt like Killing anyone (never have) or even beating them silly (could do that to the BM in a heartbeat) I would opt to stay away from them (which I do). I would not hit SS8 but I have wanted to slap the fluff out of his face sometimes; he's so f*cking annoying. BUT I am not going to do that and I'd make sure to remove myself from his presence if I ever did feel close to doing it. Hitting in Anger is unacceptable.

Jsmom's picture

The dad screwed up and needs to rectify it. He needs to move out and raise his child ALONE. This woman has been villified for speaking the truth that a child has pushed her over the edge. My SD pushed and pushed and she was older and knew what she was doing. DH was right in letting her go. But, this kid is 6 years old and needs someone to take care of her.

What a screwed up dad....He had an affair and now needs to man up....

unbelieveable's picture

Dr.Phil doesn't know JACKshit when it comes to step parenting. We all think we NEED to come first - if we are happy and always fighting obviously we arent setting a good example for steps...we should be like the coaches leading a team - Dr. Phil thinks one coach and the team should control the other coach...he's ridiculous

And yes - his wife comes first...Wonder what he would do if he was a step? hmm...

*Didnt watch the youtube video - just giving my opinion on Dr. Phil

TASHA1983's picture

I agree with you on the part where he could keep his GF BUT if she doesnt like his kid that much, then she would either have to avoid the kid altogether or leave.

I dont like my BF's son one bit...and when he has him EOWE I do my own thing and avoid his kid altogether. He is not there to see me or spend time with me anyways. He has two parents and they are responsible for watching him, spending time with him, loving him, etc. NOT ME. So it can work out if they want to be together BUT obviously the relationship will not be a normal relationship.

GwenythSoto's picture

I Believe that in most cases, whether it be a step family, or traditional family, the spouse/marriage is the priority, above the children. The step parent needs to feel respected, but the childrens basic needs comes before the adult needs. By basic needs I mean, food, shelter, comforting, exct. and when they are children. As the step kids become older, they need more freedom, and will ache for more freedom, and thats when the bio parents needs to learn to let go. When they are children, they need support and guidance, not just financial support, but emotional support.
This case is the exception. I side with the child, she is a victim, completely 100%! The father is weak and needs to stand up for his daughter!
My husband and I went to the movies with his entire family one afternoon, shortly after meeting his daughter. I insisted he sit next to her. He usually sits with me and we share popcorn. On this occasion I felt that she was acting very jealous. She only sees him two or three times a year and lives in Puertorico. I volunteered to take the back seat because I understand the need to feel that her Dad is by her side. He made sure that I was ok, and sat with her on the other end of the isle.
Does my step daughter like me? probably not, despite the fact that i had nothing to do with the divorce and I met him ten years after the divorce. Her mother cheated on my husband and got pregnant with a married man's child. His relatives often mention this in her presence, so she knows. But I know better, and I respect the relationship that my Step daughter has with my Husband. I don't necesarily respect her (she has an attitude problem) but I respect her relationship with my husband.

SKareTrash's picture

Honestly I think all stepchildren should have never been born in the first place. They don't do anything but demand and get in the way of people's happiness. In this case, the husband should abandon his first daughter because she is nothing but a mistake and a burden.

Rags's picture

While I am a deciated adherant to the perspective that the marriage is the first  unequivocal priorty for both of the people in it.... children are the top marital responsibility. Regardless of the biology involved in the kid's existance.