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Can I pick SS up from visitation?

sarasugar's picture

My boyfriend and I have had full custody of his 2 year old for 8 months now and he hasn't seen BM during this time. He was taken by CPS because someone beat him in the face, either BM or her boyfriend and now her charges have been dropped and her visitation can begin. She gets to see him for 5 hours one Sunday a month. My boyfriend and I moved 3 hours away from her in January and so it is really inconvenient for us to drive 6 hours total for a 5 hour visit. The first one is taking place this weekend and it would be easiest for us if SS and I stay in town with my mother and she gets her May visit on the 6th. I am scared though that she will refuse to give him back to me because my boyfriend will not be there for this visit and I am not his legal guardian. This boy IS my son, I do everything for him and he calls me Mommy. His father and I do plan on getting married. Can she refuse to give him to me? Can I call the police on her if she does since she does not have custody? Should we just suck it up at spend 12+ hours in the car for two visits?

sarasugar's picture

I was unclear, I am talking about the second visit that will take place on the 6th, the first visit is 3 days from now and he and I will both be there to drop SS off. I wanted to just stay a week at my mom's and go home after the visit in the 6th instead of getting up at 7:30 on the morning of the 6th to get to the arranged McDonald's by 11.

EveryStepITake's picture

Have Daddy tell BM what the plan is. He can gauge her reaction. Maybe she won't spaz out.

I agree with Ripley. But also, BM has to tread very lightly for a while considering the situation.

MOST states allow for either parent to designate anyone licensed/insured to do transportation for them unless the court order specifically says otherwise. Good luck.

sarasugar's picture

BM's boyfriend has just plead guilty to child abuse and BM is pregnant with his child, due at the end of May. It's a terrible situation. SS was in foster care for a few weeks last spring because BM accused my boyfriend of being the one to hurt him (which was impossible because she didn't let him see the little boy the weekend it happened) but the court usually sides with the mother so my boyfriend spent all summer meeting with the guardian ad litem and took a lie detector test and a parenting class to gain full custody. SS was so confused in the beginning that he called anyone female "Mommy".

It's not impossible, but very inconvenient, but I guess it's safer if we suffer a little inconvenience.

PeanutandSons's picture

You could always stay with your mom and do the drop off and SO meet you for pick up on the sixth? Then atleast he wouldn't have to get up early for the drop off.

sarasugar's picture

Baha, I didn't even think of that Blum 3 it's still a 6 hour drive but at least SO won't need to be up early

overworkedmom's picture

If it is not in the order for you to pick him up I think she can refuse. I would have him do it until you are actually married and it is in the order that you can do pick ups. I know my exH would throw a fit if my SO tried to pick up my kids without me. It doesn't matter how long we have been together and the fact that we live together. It is a power trip that many BM's (I throw my exH in with psycho BMs) will pull.

sarasugar's picture

We only have to bring him to see her for 6 months thank God and then it is her responsibility to file for visitation and provide transportation. 5 hours for 6 months! I wish we could just let her have him for 30 hours straight and be done.

overworkedmom's picture

Why do you have to do the transpo? Why can't she come to you every other month and spend the day around town with him? There has to be a zoo, chuck e cheese, or whatever she can do with him for 6 hours....

sarasugar's picture

She has no car or licence. She can come visit him where we live if she can get transportation but she has to give us 24 hours notice and only within the 6 months.

sarasugar's picture

She was out on bond, she has never had a job. We just had our first visit yesterday and SS was hysterical when he realized she was taking him. I had to pry his fingers off of me and his Dad had to hold him down and put him in the car seat while he screamed Mommy. Then we both cried. After seeing his reaction I have decided that I don't want to ever give him to her by myself because it's just too hard and I'll be tempted to just take him and run. It is court ordered visitation, and my SO is ordered to provide transportation.

She showed up in dirty sweatpants and greasy hair. Come to find out via fb creeping that she was at a party till 2 am, she is 7 months pregnant by the guy who pleaded guilty to child abuse of my SS.