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Broke it off with Handsome Henry

bonesbugy's picture

I posted something a few weeks ago about being in love with a lovely man who has one major problem: A daughter who has so many psychological problems she can barely function. She is 19, living alone in a house her father pays for, trying to finish high school but dealing with OCD, bipolar disorder and perhaps Asperger's syndrome. Her father is not dealing with it well and her BM has completely checked out. This girl is prone to melting down, screaming and crying and at one point was very violent and has thrown and stabbed both of her parents with knives. She will probably never launch and I think her father is disillusioned about this. He's not realistic and I think I would find this frustrating. I actually think he enables her and is part of the problem.

When I met this guy I wondered how such a handsome, charming man could be available and now I know. I wanted to be honest with him and tell him how I felt about it but  this seems like too big of a problem to even talk through. I also didn't want to make him feel bad about his situation, being hopeless. I told him I didn't see this working out long-term and cited the fact that I want to move back to my home-city as a reason (although I probably have no intention of moving). I'm just feeling very sad and disappointed but I think now was a good time to do this before we grow closer and it gets harder for me to leave. 

I just hope I did the right thing. I've had my own demons to slay. I kind of don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I wish I could be more compassionate for people who struggle but I'm just done. I'm going to look for the happy guy with happy, or no kids!

bonesbugy's picture

Thanks. This is why I posted an update. I left it with: if you decide what you really want and if you get your daughter settled in a healthy, sustainable way, let me know. I hope for his sake that he does this but it won't be with me.

JRI's picture

I am so happy for you!  I am also happy there is a Steptalk in this world where people can sort out their decisions with input from many wise Stephell veterans.   You will get over this, its hard, but you will.  Congratulations!

bonesbugy's picture

This was the best advice I got about what to do. I got more perspectives here than anywhere. Stuff I never thought about. 

 

nappisan's picture

its really good to hear all this on step talk and glad you got out of a potentially shitty situation.  I said the same thing when i met exDH, how could a handsome charming man be available in this day and age ,,, well we know why ,, his demon child 13!  though unlike you , i kept telling myself its only a kid and things will straighten out ......8 yrs later ,,,,nope just got worse!  thanks to steptalk im free of that almost a year now and daddy is still dealing with a bigger version of his troubled kid 

Rags's picture

Extricating from a toxic relationship is hard.  Those with the courage to do it succesfully are rare.

You should be proud of yourself.

Enjoy your new life adventure.