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Break up talks

caitlinj's picture

We were discussing breaking up and going our own ways. My SO tells me he's excited about new friends he has met and he's working on meeting more friends and spending time with them. He also was telling me how he is planning on taking a solo vacation soon too  once school starts and he has some time. Here is what is weird. When we were together (for several years) I never met one of his friends. Not one. He met several of my friends and I tried my best to include him in the things we would all do together and we did do many tings together yet I never got to meet one friend of his the entire time we were together. He has a couple of friends (not close) he spent time with rarely but I never got to meet them and he managed to keep me out of their lives completely. Also about the vacation he plans to take. He is broke and doesn't have the money to be taking a trip. His ultilties were switched off this sumemr for not being paid. I funded several vacations of ours and we went dutch on others but in the past year money was so tight on his end he couldnt go to the bahamas with me for my best friends wedding which would have meant a lot. I went alone. So why all of sudden does he have the money to take a vacation? Odd. Very odd. And all of a sudden he is meeting all these friends? Weird.

caitlinj's picture

Not really. I didnt use to think it was intentional but who knows. He cuts me out of his kids lives regularly at any moment he feels like it so it might be a control thing. And about the trips I find it odd he never had any money to fund a vacation with me when we were together but suddenly has it all of a sudden.

Rainydaze777's picture

He probably doesn't have the money to anywhere and he's gaslighting you, making you think he doesn't need you and he's going to have this great and exciting life without you--- he sounds really emotionally manipulative.

Im sorry ( hug)

SteppedOut's picture

You can do better. Next try... go for one with no baggage! (Give yourself time to heal from this manipulative relationship first!)

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Does he have a woman on the side who is willing to pay for his 'solo' vacation?

I'm going to echo Cover. WHY are you still with him??? You seem SO unhappy.

notarelative's picture

He just not that into you. The red flags are there. You have to open your eyes wide and see them.

Guys who are into you put you first. You deserve someone who puts you first.

Areyou's picture

He’s trying to make you jealous. Don’t believe him. He’s not that awesome that suddenly he has all those friends. He’s making it up. Just laugh and say oh ok good for you. And if he is actually making new friends tell him you are happy for him. 

ndc's picture

Why does it matter how he suddenly has money or friends? Just get on with the breakup so you can move on without him. This guy is not good for you.  Do yourself a huge favor and get it over with.

still learning's picture

"SO tells me he's excited about new friends he has met... and spending time with them. He also was telling me how he is planning on taking a solo vacation soon."

Translation: He's met someone online and he's going to visit her soon.  

newwtostepguy's picture

It is possible. It seems awfully quick. It is also possible he is bs ing. Also whomever he met online will have to put up with his selfishness, his financial problems, his lack of compromise, his bratty kids and overbearing mother. Sure it'll all be great in the beginning until they realize what he is about.

ESMOD's picture

I wonder if in your relationship that you were toting an unreasonable amount of the financial burden... because he was broke.

I'm guessing that lately you have become more of a pain to him than a benefit.  I don't mean that you are doing anything wrong.. I'm saying that he likely has been using you... and for whatever reason.. now your usefulness is being outweighed because you are trying to stand up for yourself... and he doesn't like it.

So.. he is going to make you feel bad because he has "such a great life" and yours sucks.

My advice?  Tell him "I'm so pleased for you.. I am moving out at the end of the month" and don't look back.

 

georgina29's picture

Let him meet someone else. They will realize what he is all about eventually. He will treat them the same way once some time has passed. They can be stuck bailing him out of his financial mess and deal with his selfishness, coldness, and poorly behaved spoiled kids.. Be done. Move on. You deserve better. One day you will look back thinking thank God you got out. He has way too much baggage and not enough good to offer in return. He is bad for your self esteem.