BM's selfishness is almost impressive.
DH and I are seriously livid right now.
As I've described in earlier posts, we recently switched our days with BM, so that DH and I now keep SD7 M-F, and BM has her on the weekends. This is the first weekend BM is going to keep her.
[They actually haven't seen each other in 4 weeks because SD went on vacation with us and then stayed with DH's family for a little while. Next weekend and the one after, BM has already told us she has "weddings to go to" and can only keep SD Friday night and is then dropping her back with us both Saturday afternoons.]
But THIS weekend she's going to have her through Monday. She's been texting DH all week saying "Tell SD7 I can't wait to see her Friday night!" (but never once called to talk to SD...) and in all our correspondence she said she'd be picking her up Friday night.
All of a sudden, just now, she's decided she wants to pick SD up from school at 2:15 to "beat the traffic." DH and I have several problems with that:
1) School doesn't get out until 3:05. We're not about to set the precedent that it's OK for SD7 to miss an hour of school because her mom doesn't want to sit in traffic.
2) Every article of clothing on that child's body today was purchased by yours truly. I just said to DH this morning that her outfit - a striped dress, a cardigan, and Mary Janes - is my favorite thing to see her in. Had I known BM was planning on picking her up from school, I would have dressed her in the leggings and t-shirts BM sends her to us wearing.
3) How come she gets special allowances for traffic? When we had SD on weekends, we drove in the 5:00 slog to BM's house and back - Friday and Sunday. And how come she can suddenly get off work early when it's convenient for her, but that time SD got sick at school, DH had to leave a meeting to get her?
So now DH has agreed to drop her off at BM's tonight. While I applaud him for putting his foot down about not letting BM take SD out of school early, I worry that we're now going to do all the driving... just like we did last time. The agreement was that SD would live with us, we'd pay for everything during the week (her lunch money, her insurance, schoolclothes, food, etc. etc.) and BM didn't have to pay us anything... as long as she picked SD up and dropped her off. Now we're dropping her off.
DH says he told her that she could come get SD later on Friday nights to miss the traffic from now on. While it'll be nice to spend more time with SD - seriously, what the hell? Does her mom's aversion to sitting in traffic truly outweigh her desire to be with her kid? Does she really not care what's best for her kid, like y'know, BEING IN SCHOOL??
This lady is such a princess; I just want to pelt her with a bunch of frogs.
Our BM is the same way.
Our BM is the same way. Skids were enrolled in a summer camp this summer that had field trips every Friday. Since BM got skids EOWE, she'd pick them up from camp literally 15 mins after we dropped them off. Out of 10 field trips, skids got to go on 4 because of BM's aversion to sitting in traffic.
I get that camp is not the same as school; but the skids were REALLY looking forward to those trips. The camp/day care teachers talk them up all week so the kids are all super excited by the end of the week. Instead, skids got to go sit at BM's house and watch TV. Sometimes she took them to the pool.
While camp might not be the
While camp might not be the same (legally) as school, it's still an important experience for kids. Not only is missing out disappointing for them, but they probably felt alienated from their peers. And for what? BM's princess antics. I don't understand people who prize their own convenience above their children's growth.
I think the kicker is that we
I think the kicker is that we dropped the skids off at camp prepared for the field trips. BM would very rarely confirm what time she'd pick them up, so we didn't want to send the kids unprepared in the event she came later in the day.
So they'd sit at camp for 15-30 minutes hoping they could get on the bus and leave before mommy showed up to ruin their day. Talk about a roller coaster of emotions for them. They do love their mom and they do like spending time with her, but they like their social field trips too.
It got to the point by the end of the summer that SD5 would burst into tears when she realized BM was picking them up. Nothing we said to BM mattered .. we couldn't legally refuse to allow her to pick them up and that's all that mattered to her.
I would be highly irritated
I would be highly irritated too - however today I don't feel like I have room to talk as DH just informed that he is about to pick SS5 from school for the day to spend time with him, and to help us avoid traffic going to my brother's tonight....in my DH's defense he normally does not ever pick SS up early - but he was stuck on the boat a extra day normally we would have got SS but instead I wasn't picking DH up at the airport until 11:50PM and we don't get any extra time home, and to me it irritates me a little but more justifiable than you BM.
Agreed! We just don't want
Agreed! We just don't want this becoming a habit.
I will say DH knows it can't
I will say DH knows it can't be a habit and I think a lot of it goes back to just feeling bad he didn't get home on time - but typically we don't pull SS out or anything - last year in Pre-K he missed 5 days with us 3 he was sick 1 he had a dr appointment mid-day out of town, and then one DH just let him skip with no tardies - he had 15 absents with BM some of which was because SHE was sick, SS would refuse to put on his shoes, she missed him and DH had just went to work (We get him a week at a time)...so he is good about it but it still irritates me as this isn't a good example.
Why would she want her kid
Why would she want her kid home with her when she was sick? That sounds horrible...
Supposibly she was to sick to
Supposibly she was to sick to take them - mind you her mom doesn't work and lives with her part of the time ... my true assumptions she didn't feel good and didn't want to wake up early to get the kids up so just let everyone sleep in
Yup! We live in the DC area,
Yup! We live in the DC area, so getting to her at lunch can be a little tricky. For instance, I take the metro to work...
But we definitely offered to let BM pick her up at dismissal time, as long as she promised to return the school clothes. She wasn't having it. Either 2:15 or we drive... to Virginia. Sigh.
What is with this?! Way to
What is with this?! Way to take your sense of entitlementwaaayyy to far. Our BM recently insisted on going to see SD on her lunch break becauae SD had a rough night the night prior. This was on SOs time. It was before our CO so we didnt want to sat anything but who do these women think they are?!
Trust me, I know. We
Trust me, I know.
We begrudgingly drove SD through afternoon traffic. BM then had the nerve to ask why we were taking so long. We asked if she would meet us at a mall near her house (as I needed to get somethings anyway) and she said she couldn't because she was "cooking."
It was 4:30!! I would bet a million dollars that was a lie.
BM in our case demands what
BM in our case demands what time we pick them up and drop them off. (BM does neither of these) Some weekends the skids will want to go home early, BM is informed and she'll start spouting off the CO. Really??? DH always responds with something the CO states that she doesn't follow, like she is to be doing 50% of the driving. Childish, yes, but a taste of her own medicine.
BM has started to text early morning on Sundays letting DH know that skids can't come home early, she is working (HA!) and BF/Fiancé won't be home until 6pm so we can't drop them off early. BM sets her schedule so she doesn't work on the weekends the skids are with us, the skids told us that.
They can be liars liars pants
They can be liars liars pants on fire, no?!
BM couldn't leave work early when SD was sick, but she somehow could leave work REALLY early when she herself wanted to miss traffic.
BM also keeps telling us (and SD) that SD will have her own room "soon." She currently sleeps in a toddler bed in the corner of the room where BM sleeps with her BF. They live in a friend's basement. BM has been saying for months that they'd be moving upstairs and SD would get her own room... still hasn't happened.
I don't know where her money goes, and I don't care. But seriously?! Get the kid out of your room.
So start making her pick them
So start making her pick them up... if she doesnt she doesnt get this kids. She only does those things because she knows she can get away with it..
We don't have a court order.
We don't have a court order. They just have "joint custody," to be determined by them.
It's good sometimes, because we can be flexible. But in cases like this, it's bad.
I guess WE could pay a lawyer to have one drawn up, but we can't really spare that expense with a baby on the way. Plus, a judge would likely find in favor of BM just because she's BM.
We don't have a court order.
We don't have a court order. They just have "joint custody," to be determined by them.
It's good sometimes, because we can be flexible. But in cases like this, it's bad.
I guess WE could pay a lawyer to have one drawn up, but we can't really spare that expense with a baby on the way. Plus, a judge would likely find in favor of BM just because she's BM.
I would think the school
I would think the school district would put a stop to the every Friday out at 2:15pm bit. It would be considered unexcused (except for maybe the rare time or two). Over the course of the average school year 4hrs a months x 9 1/2 months adds up to multi days absences. If the child actually got sick and missed school on top of the weekly early out, it could be large enough absences to be serious concern.
BM only has her child willingly (no CO) Friday after school until Sunday evening (? not sure when or if you stated drop-offs), and goes several weekends waving her visits (weddings and whatnot). I'd think DH would be within reasonable rights to suggest BM either wait until after rush hour when BM picks up if she desires her visit, or Saturday morning. On the other hand, if Dad readily agrees and does all the running at BM's snap, well that's DH's problem in allowing it.
As far as clothing. I'd dress child in clothing BM returns child to you in on the Fridays she is to be picking child up back up (assuming it's not something like pjs or totally inappropriate for a day at school).
Yes to all of this. From here
Yes to all of this.
From here on out, DH has told BM he can get SD later on Friday nights so she misses traffic. We're thinking about talking to the school, just to make sure they call him if/when BM ever tries to pull the early pickup thing again.
In her twisted mind, SD getting unexcused absences would be our fault somehow, because we're the ones responsible for her while she's in school.
That's the main reason DH caved and drove SD yesterday... BM is soooooo twisted, she turns everything around on him and says things to make him feel like a bad father. In her crazy view, DH not doing everything BM's way is being a bad father.
We're just not about stooping to her level. For instance, when SD was with us on the weekends and her mom on the weekdays, BM would put off getting her daughter back for as long as possible. On Mother's Day, she didn't see her all day until she finally agreed to come pick her up at what ended up being bedtime. She then had the nerve to text DH, saying, "Make sure she's eaten and had a bath." As much as we'd love to give her a taste of her own medicine, we won't.
In our view, it's better for SD to get into the groove of an upcoming schoolday in the home where she'll be sleeping. That means getting to our house at a reasonable time, having dinner with us if her mom hasn't already fed her, taking a bath here, and having some time to wind down before bed. BM is more of the get-her-home-and-throw-her-in-bed camp.
Oh well.