You are here

BM won the battle as we prepare for the war....

towanda72's picture

DF (fiance) has asked repeatedly for his court ordered summer parenting time. Each and every time, he is told by BM that he can't have the time since she already has things scheduled for SS9. We have already missed a week that we had asked for. Each time, we ask in writing, as per the parenting agreement.

Finally I convinced DF to get an attorney and now the ball is in his court. Again, we have asked for our week of CO summer parenting time, starting today. The ONLY way she will compromise is to give us this weekend, but we have to give up the other weekend (the requested parenting time was for 10 days, CO allows for 14).

We have family activities planned for both weekends, but since we haven't told SS9 about tomorrow's activity, and he knows about the other weekend, we opted to keep the last weekend.

BM's other plans (that couldn't possibly be interrupted tomorrow?) She signed SS9 up for his FIRST EVER 5k run. Of course, we haven't been told when/where this is, so we are not allowed to participate (another violation of the parenting agreement). This 9 year old is in no physical shape to run or walk more than three miles.

The attorney assures us that all her scheming will backfire as he is preparing an affidavit for this coming week. DF is going for full custody.

Meanwhile, we have asked to have SS9 on a Friday/Saturday in November, for our wedding, and BM said no because she already has plans. Yes, I know, things should be scheduled on OUR weekends to avoid this. But the parenting agreement says that the parents are to make EVERY POSSIBLE sacrifice to make sure SS9 participates in major family events.

At this point, we are considering cancelling the wedding. DF has no balls to stand up to her.

Rant, vent, piss, moan. It's going to be a long rest of the year.

HungryEyes's picture

"At this point, we are considering cancelling the wedding. DF has no balls to stand up to her."

If you're considering cancelling the wedding because your Fiance won't stick up to his ex - I'd say that's a damn good idea. Move on with your life.

If he has no balls now - he won't grow the balls. They rarely grow new balls. It will just get harder once your married. Good luck!

AllySkoo's picture

" They rarely grow new balls. It will just get harder once your married."

Maybe it's because it's late on a Friday afternoon, maybe I haven't had enough sleep, or maybe I'm just depraved, but I read that as "THEY will just get harder once you're married" and my eyebrows shot up a mile. }:)

towanda72's picture

I appreciate the blunt comment. Dirty or not. Sometimes I need harsh truths.

HungryEyes's picture

Also if it's court ordered parenting time, it's not 'court ordered when BM says it's okay' It means submit your written notice and you take the kid on that 10 days. It's not 'it's court ordered and work around BM's schedule.' as long as you give the requested notice - I don't see the problem. She has WAY too much say in your lives. Time for boundaries.

towanda72's picture

That's what I thought Hungry. But the attorney says that to get in to a pissing match with her will just make us look bad. Better to let her win this battle, because it is fuel to the fire to win the war.

Putting a lot of faith in this high-dollar suit (the attorney). Thanks for your feedback.

Orange County Ca's picture

That same attorney, working for the BM, would be making the same assurances to her that the attorney will have no problems getting your claims tossed out of court. The primary purpose of these hearings is to earn attorneys money never forget that. Don't be lulled into thinking you don't need to do your homework.

Yes you should schedule things on Daddy's weekends. Why create a reason for a fight and another several thousand dollar attorney bill? Change it if you can.

Your DF will not get full custody unless he can prove she's a crack whore. Courts just don't give children under age 14 or so to their fathers custody. Although that unofficial policy is changing its by no means gone from the system and he'll have to prove the boy is better off with him. These court order infractions aren't good enough for custody change although if proved, not alleged but proven, it should result in a verbal admonishment from the judge. "Don't do that again".

At this point in time I would drop the hearing and have DF's attorney send her a letter telling her she either abides by the court visitation order or the attorney will prepare a request that the court find in her in criminal violation of the courts order. Then DF carefully documents his summer visitation request and has a witness go with him when he tried to pick-up the boy on the chosen date.

As a matter of broad policy never ask for or give any variations to the visitation order.

towanda72's picture

I wish I understood what is her reasoning.

My ex and I work together wonderfully well for our DD7. She is an amazing, well adjusted child. We have a CO for parenting time, but we don't follow it. He travels quite a bit, according to the parenting plan, if he misses his parenting time for anything other than an illness, he loses that time. If I held him to that, he'd never see her. His wife, it took me forever to say this without choking, is AMAZING. She is sweet, noninvasive, helpful and thoughtful. My DD7 is LUCKY to have a bonus mom like her.

This site, your stories, and my own nightmare with BM make me want to send them a gift certificate for a fancy dinner out on me. It makes me question my motives for everything I do. If it's not for DD7, then I'm wrong. My ego aside, it has to be what's best for her.

My DD7 asked how long she gets to stay with daddy when he's back in town and my answer "as long as you want". I will miss the first day of school, if I choose to, or we will go as a family.

I don't GET parents like our BM. Using her child like a weapon, she's no better than the terrorists.

towanda72's picture

BM's attorney states that DF can "have" 7 days this month, and that if you add those 7 days he will have had a SUBSTANTIAL amount of the days in August. If I add the 7 days you are GIVING us....we will have had SS9 for a total of 11 days.

Who's doing the math here? 11 days out of a 31 one calendar day month isn't HALF (they have 50/50) it's not SUBSTANTIAL.

sub┬Ěstan┬Ětial
adjective
1.
of considerable importance, size, or worth.

I'm no attorney.....but I can do the SIMPLE math. I didn't even have to count on my fingers!

Rags's picture

Oh no. Do not postpone the wedding. Use BMs withholding of the Skid to shred her toxic ass in court. Document, document, document and absolutely destroy BM for her toxic PASing crap.