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BM wins....SO and I are separated.

iamleann's picture

It sounds small, but it all came to a head two weeks before Xmas. For one, I've been working my a$$ off running two companies during the busiest time of the year. SO owns one company with me, and he opted to go out of Town our busiest weekend to go to some conference for some NEW business he's thinking of getting into. I was left to handle all the pre-holiday business stuff alone, plus run my other business that is my main source of income. We managed to carve out time to pick out a Christmas Tree when he got back, and BM refused to let SS8 come decorate with us.
She pulls this EVERY year for the past 3 years....the last TWO years she has made comments about how I don't "deserve a Tree" because I'm "not family" and how SS can not spend Xmas at my house, so the Tree can't be there.....blah blah....one year she sat outside my house and watched us decorate the tree while she mad text SO crazy stuff. Which then prompted me to get a restraining order on her.
Every Xmas SS spends Xmas Eve with us, and we do our presents that night and have dinner. He then goes to BM's to spend the night and do Xmas AM gift opening with his half sisters.
This year....BM started sending texts and emails about "there will be NO tree at HER house this year" and "you need to get your own Tree if you want SS8 to spend Xmas with you". Well, as usual, we got our Tree, and like I mentioned she would not let SS8 come decorate. The VERY last pre-holiday event I had to do for our company, I went to SO's apt (this is another thing BM got a court order that SS8 can't spend the night at my house until they are 6 mos divorced ?? so SO now has a separate apt for custody nights. Mind you we've been together 3 years, and they've been separated 3.5)
Anyway, so I walk in and there is a Tree !! Apparently, BM went and bought SO a Tree and put it up in his apt !! And worse, SO allowed it. Then told me that whatever BM wanted was what was important because of their son. Really ?? BM doesn't work...never has....I work my ASS off, and feed and clean up after his kid, and he tells me that he is going to do whatever BM wants ?? That it's a priority because she is the BM and her kids are SS's "sisters" !?!??!!
I said that since SS spends Xmas with his mother, the Tree should go back to her house and he can keep it in his room. NOPE. SO refused to get rid of BM's tree. Then after all this "priority" shit.....BM didn't let SO have SS for Christmas Eve after all. So, SO spent all of Xmas Eve day with the police and filing papers in court before they closed for the holiday.
I said to SO "WE are a couple, WE have been a couple for 3 years, WE have a business and are trying to build a new house, and you let BM put up a Christmas Tree ??" he saw nothing wrong with this !!!

When he refused to get rid of the Tree, I packed his stuff, dumped it on the lawn, and she has won. I'm tired of BM, I'm tired of court, I'm tired of the BS, I'm tired of the Golden Child, and BM's Golden Uterus. They have been in court every month since the day I met him, and are now legally divorced, and still going to court....... it's exhausting. I'm done. And he's not sorry, nor does he care. Not even a phone call Xmas Day.

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

BRAVO!

You did the right thing. You are in for a life of misery with a man who always puts BM and their golden child first. Trust me I know!

Now you are free to go find an amazing (preferably without children) man who will cherish you and put you first, like you deserve to be.

Cry, feel sad for a day or two and then move on and never look back!

mannin's picture

I think you're the one who actually wins, not her.

You get your life back and she's now left with only her exDH to torture - and he deserves it.

You won't ever have to deal with her again.

iamleann's picture

I was actually HAPPY at Christmas...no drama, no BM constantly texting, I spent the day with MY family, then took a nap and went back to see my family for dinner. A drama free day, without SO in a bad mood, and with no BM and no cranky spoiled Golden Child fussing !! Not sure about the biz...I don't think we'll be working side by side, he'll be doing what he's done the last 2 mos....making something else a priority. But he is CFO and does handle all the finances for the company. I made the mistake of feeling sad on Xmas Eve, so I called SO...all I heard was Waaa, Waaaa BM wouldn't give him Golden child..waaa waaaa.... It made me very happy to get in bed alone and watch Christmas movies. I had high hopes that once the divorce was legally final, and BM went and threw herself a 5K divorce party, we were on our way to a better place. Apparently, it's just ME that's on my way to a better place, they're in the same ol' rut !

Amber Miller's picture

She threw herself a 5K divorce party? What a buffoon.
I have just recently been cruising the general discussion boards. Usually I am on the adult stepchildren boards as I have a pain in the a$$ SD30. So I apologize but I don't know your backstory. Have a good day Smile

simifan's picture

IT hurts not to be the priority & you deserve so much more. The important thing to remember is that women grieve as the relationship ends... me grieve 6-8 weeks later when they realize what they lost. Be strong & Best of luck.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

grow-a-nut's picture

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What everyone said!!

I am out 1 year 14 days 19 hours. Believe me, it gets easier. I was instantly happier. And drama free. I totally disengaged that day and have only ever spoken to him once last February for ten minutes. It was about car insurance and nothing else.

I have a beautiful apartment. My stuff is exactly where I left it every day with no fear of it being stolen. My job is one block from my home. My life is beautiful.

I don't date but I do have a special friend whom I've just started "seeing" (for lack of a better term)

Good luck to you. I promise you, you will LOVE your new life.

grow-a-nut's picture

Awe TK. Life is what it should be now. Drama free except for my work and I can kick them out too. Yours will be fantastic!!

Orange County Ca's picture

Now you're back to where you should never have left. Learn from this experience and never get involved with a man who has underage children and the same goes for your children if you have any. I.e. wait until they're grown before living with a guy.

Frankly from what you've described you've been poorly used by this guy anyway primarily being a underpaid employee and babysitter.

luchay's picture

OMG

Just wow, what the fuck is wrong with these men?

And yes, now I truly do think ours are one and the same.

Jesus - HOW did she get in to his apt in the first place, does she have the fucking key????

just OMG

You are better without him, count your blessings - you are so lucky to be in a financial position to do this - I wish I was.

I am working on it.

IAMGOOD's picture

Never think about the BM as winning or losing. I fall into this mind set a LOT. It is about whether or not this situation is best for you! Sounds like dad is letting her walk all over him and as a result she is walking all over you. I can't believe the psycho sat out front and watched the tree get decorated.

You did the right thing. Get out if he can't fix it. You can't do it alone and don't want to. It's not your job to manage her and it's called a "no win" situation.

Good point about the financial position. A lot of us stay with the same becuz of money reasons and it can really suck. You are free, free, freeeee now.

You are going to be all right! Such a go getter you are and you need simpler men. AND if you meet a guy with kids - you will KNOW The signs and see whether boundaries have been drawn up correctly. You will KNOW.

Amber Miller's picture

Only a person who is severely mentally disturbed would sit out in front of someone's house and watch them decorate a tree. This is scary behavior (really scary). She seems fixated on this tree business. Why can't you have a tree? She sounds totally out of control. I could care less what my ex does let alone how he decorates the house. She has total control over her kids father. I'm sad for you that you had to go through all of this but you sound like a strong person. I'm glad you were able to enjoy your holiday despite all of this.

IAMGOOD's picture

I had BM that sat out in front of my house cause she still used the same bus stop for the kids but chose to park in front of my bedroom window and would arrive 15 minutes before bus did. It is called passive aggressive harassment.

She did it for over 1.5 years until my husband said "no" to it and then she told the neighbors I was an evil bitch.

She also sat out front of the house when we tried to enforce the custody arrangement and tell her the kids and her just couldn't show up at this house whenever they wanted. I had no privacy when I moved here. BM could show anytime and plop the kids by to get stuff.

These BM's want their cake and eat it to. My BM left DH for her best friend's husband and had an affair for 4 months before DH found out - and then got had the equity and refused to move out before she got he check handed to her - half his pension and then wanted to use the house after as a dumping ground for her kids. On HER 50% TIME she was coming by here and on OUR 50% time she was finding reasons to come by her.

Fat WHORE! I am jealous you got out while you can. I had to grin and bear it and work thru it and FINALLY we got my SS out and it has taken 3.5 years to get my privacy back and my life. She used the kids as a tool to inflict discomfort on us.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I read this post and was like "da fuq...?"

What a spineless douchenozzle. Glad you dodged a bullet on that one!

Part of me feels like there should be a website out there that profiles disney dads and dad with their balls still in BM's hands so that we could warn potential daters of just what they're getting into.

christinen's picture

Wth.. She seriously sat our front of your house & watched you decorate your Christmas tree? That is some insanely psychotic behavior. I am happy for you getting out of that doomed relationship! Your ex sounds like a spineless idiot!

Amber Miller's picture

I would've had fantasies about taking the tree into the yard and lighting it on fire; ornaments and all. Then you bring the ashes to her house and put them on her doorstep. I know, I sound like a crazed arsonist and I'd never do it in real life but its fun to have fantasies like this in my mind. This BM is crazy.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

hugs, I know you feel most likely hurt and confused.I remember the pain when I had to break up with ExSO because I knew it was the right thing.The point is that the sadness you most likely experience is not going to last forever whereas if you stayed you would have set yourslf up for a lifetime of suffering and pain.Keep that in mind plus write yourself a list of all the bad things you experienced with SO. This can help if you go through the unavoidable stage of missing your partner and remembering only the good things.
The fact is, you can do much better than this and you know it.You have done an amazing step to regain happiness and freedom for yourself.You have set healthy boundaries of what you want to accept in your life and what not.You have increased also your chances to find down the track a much better and suitable life partner as you have shown you will stand up for yourself.Congratulation!!