No way in hell.Seriously? That is jacked up. You have seen her in action and know her MO. It just should not happen-period!

Your DH should tell her to send everything in an email and he will respond to it. If he insists on going on a date with her, tell him you will be getting your own date. }:)

He also needs to shut down ALL non skid related discussions/texts. It shounds like he is still in a relationship with her.

My BM was doing this kind of stuff about 4 years or so ago.

I finally sent her a txt asking why she needed to contact her EX, my Fiance x amount of times as month. When she claimed it was about the skids, I replied that NO, I have seen the txts and they aren't always about the skids, what does a love chain have to do with kids? or directions to a state park?

Her knowing I knew what was in the txts caused her to back way off.

If your DH has put his foot down on his end, sometimes the woman speaking up can stop it. Now, if you DH encourages her, it may make it worse.

Why is a SM taking a SD to the restroom when the BM is there?

From Day 1, our BM tended to act like "If only I can get him ALONE....". The part she fought most when he took her to court to enforce his parental rights? The "No Contact" order. She couldn't call up and scream at him any chance she got. She couldn't try to cajole him to come inside her house EOWe when she would NEVER have the skids ready on time (before he put his foot down and said the skids were old enough to walk from the door to the car without him having to go the 20 feet to get them!)

Then about 5 years or so after he got that order, she decided to call him up and request a "face to face" meeting with him.

My DH didn't even have to discuss it with me or anything, he just said "NO. Any concerns you have can be dealt with the way we have been doing it for years." I love that man.

Ew, op! Ew, ew, ew! Sorry you have to witness that. Bleeeecccchhhhhh!!!

For awhile, a few months after our wedding, BM wanted BOTH of us to have dinner or something with her. That was bad enough. She kept asking, we kept balking. She apparently wanted to talk to us about "how to parent" SDthen13. No way in hell were we taking parenting advice from her. No way in hell were we spending any hour of our lives in a social setting with her. No effin' way. We were unanimous in that. And that seems a whole lot less icky than what you are faced with!

I think I am confused, is he going? If so then there is your answer. Bm tried to do the same thing to DH when we first started dating and I threw a fit. Needles to say he didn't go. I honestly don't know what I would do if he did. We still have to battle her tactics. For instance booking a plane ticket excluding me from escorting as to the gate. That won't happen again. We are new to the air travel, but we will book the tickets from now on. Whole other story. As for your situation, you are with him and she is not. Period! There is no need to go on a "date" per se. A simple call or email will do. At the very least it is inappropriate. Taking you and dh and bm out of the equation, who knows what sd will think when she hears that mommy and daddy went to dinner. Children hold on to that fairytale of parents getting back together. It's natural. No need to feed into it.

This is totally a DH problem. Not a BM problem.

She's only doing what she can get away with.

GROSS! NO Way would I be ok with that! There is a reason they got divorced - They don't get along! No dinner or drink is going to change that!

Glassslipper, I would suggest setting the boundries important to you and standing your ground. Once a boundry is crossed and becomes considered as acceptable it will be difficult to stop the expectation of continuing . Once the boundry is crossed, step by step the boundry gets pushed farther.

I am dealing with a simular problem. Dh and I have been married 16 years. He has had the freedom to visit his adult children and granchildren on his own. One of the daughter's that he visits lives side by side in a duplex with the ex . Although dh drives 3 hours out of state to visit a few times each year, the ex has continued to make herself a presence for the short time dh is visiting. No one says " mom, go home"

The last visit dh invited the ex to join sd and him to go out to dinner. For me, this was a dealbreaker. Totally crossed a boundry big time. We are in our 60's. He has defended his right to take the ex to dinner and his right to do so in the future. "I wasn't doing anything wrong " " my daughter was with her" " I did it with a pure heart" " she is the mother of my children" " Im a grown man, and you don't tell me what I can or can't do"

For me, dining out with a single ex sexual partner is not acceptable. The daughter is not my friend, not my relative and she would not be concerned if my marriage goes down the tubes. There is nothing dh needs to discuss with the ex. I may very well get burned in this situation but for me it is a situation that has advanced too far past boundries. This is disrespectful to me. Dh has some decisions to make, if not being told what to do or dining out with the ex for any reason is important enough to leave a marriage and split assets then it will be. The ex has a history of not knowing him when she is in a relationship yet being very in his face when not. Dh encourages the behavior of crossing boundries just as much as the ex. The word" no" seems to be lacking

Agree with all posters on here who are saying "NO WAY!!". It's up to your DH to stop her shit and only he can do that. Just so friggin' baffled over how these "men" seem to not only lose their logical minds but their balls when it comes to their ex leeches.

Honestly, if my SO even considered going to meet BM for dinner for ANY reasons, it would be a one way trip out the door. And yes, I would also throw his clothes on the front lawn and light one helluva bon fire.

All I can say is that you aren't the only one who's gone through this and you don't deserve this shit! No one does. He sounds abusive and controlling.

BM wants to take DH out to dinner and drinks to talk

Sounds very similar to a date.