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BM takes SS out of country

Lori0465's picture

So, now we know why they've been so quiet. They're in Puerto Vallarta for the weekend. Turns out DH knew NOTHING about this. We're waiting to hear back from our attorney, but does anyone know if she can be held in Contempt or something if it specifically states that she HAS to provide contact information and get DH's permission to take him?

I don't know too much about this end. Sounds like she's done it SEVERAL times behind DH's back. No wonder the kid never wants to talk! He's afraid of spilling any beans!

Totalybogus's picture

Yes it is contempt if the CO says she has to give contact information and permission. However, you will wind up spending a whole heck of a lot of money prosecuting it and she will get nothing more than a slap on the wrist. I think you guys probably need to decide if the end result is worth the financial burden and if you will ever recover the money you spent.

In this case, I would continue to document until you have a substantial amount of evidence that she consistently violates the CO and how that is affecting the relationship between father and kid.

Anon2009's picture

Yes. I agree with all of this. Instead of bringing BM to court right now, document this. Ask your attorney if you can print off pictures of her and SS in the foreign country if she puts them on Facebook or anywhere else on the internet.

Unless she is physically and/or verbally abusing SS, this might be your best option. Build a good paperwork trail on her for awhile, then take her to court. Save every email and text to and from her and print them off. Keep them filed together in a folder specifically designated for this paper trail. Once you've built a very substantial paperwork trail on her, then haul her to court.

paul_in_utah's picture

Yep, it won't be worth it to file contempt charges on this. The other people are right - BM will get a slap on the wrist, if that. More likely, she'll counter-sue your DH for more child support in an attempt to intimidate you. Like the others said, document this is a special file. You may be able to use it for leverage with BM down the road. My DW and I got her ex-husband on tape saying some very unflattering things about DW, but we did not file Contempt charges at the time. Later on down the road, ex-husband actually sued US for Contempt, and we were able to use the tape as leverage in the new case (which he lost, incidentally).

overit2's picture

What is the problem with them going...I mean truly, what part of it bothers your husband? So many times I see this come up and I fail to see where the control freaks issues lie...whether it's the custodial OR non custodial traveling with THEIR child.

I know, CO says..blah blah...if it didn't say what? What's the reason he's upset about it?
As if being half of that childs dna doesn't give the parent a right to travel on vacation w/their own flesh and blood??? WHY?
What is frustrating about that?

What a waste of courts time and waste of money raging wars between parents about stupid shit like vacations. WHy not spend that money from court wars and time and YOU guys go do something with the kid for fun, vacation, etc.

What IS odd to me is that Mexico (when I went some years ago) DID require a notarized signed note from the other parent to travel outside the country (and my exh happily signed w/no interference). I would think they still require that?

marissamae88's picture

I think Lori and her husband are more upset abut the principle of it. They signed an agreement and she breaks it which is not what they agreed to. Why wouldnt BM just give him a heads up and let him know she is taking his kid to a different country and here is the contact info or I will have our child contact you when we land. If something happened to the BM or the child how would her husband know about it? He wouldnt because she didnt inform him of what was going on. Communication goes both ways. I agree document it if it bothers you and if you dont care then its all good.

overit2's picture

Principle?? We're going to consider a court cost and war on 'principle'? Isn't everythign about divorce/remarriage/stepparenting screw with principal anyways?

If anything happened...I hate that line used. They are divorced, the dad will not know where the kid is when it's with bm and viceversa, they shouldn't HAVE to notify the other parent where they are, even if it IS in the CO's. You can't live w/what ifs....

What if kid gets hurt at amusement park in town and dad doesn't know where she is... I really think that's just stupid and indicative of some serious control issues. I really cannot wrap my head around it being anything other then a control issue in either case of bm or sd getting so upset about this to consider a court case.

marissamae88's picture

Okay I dont why your are getting this upset if you dont care and if this isnt about your child overit all I said was I think thats why Lori and her husband were upset thats all I said. I do not have bio children but I think if I did I would like to know if they were going to be somewhere pretty far from me and I think you would also like the same respect from your ex. Can you honestly tell me that if your child went away on a vacation and you knew nothing of it you would be happy as a clam? I really dont think you would. I cant imagine a parent being ok with not knowing where their child is. I am not okay with not knowing where my skids are and they aren't even mine. I think its just being a responsible parent and I am not saying that you need to tell them every five min I am going to the grocery store now or I am going to the movies now but I mean leaving the country is a big deal.

purpledaisies's picture

I agree with marissamae88 here, it is not about telling the ex everything that you do but going out of the country is a BIG deal! It's not like going to the movies or to another state if you live on the border. It is going to another country is scary in itself and SOMEONE like the other parent NEEDS to know period! You just never know what will happen in another country with a different government it is just scary to think that they COULD just not return the child if they don't have a parent to return the child too. It's not about thinking the worst as it is making sure everything is set up to protect the child just in case. So anyone that doesn't make sure the other parent knows where their child is is effect not thinking of their child but themselves.

overit2's picture

Ok-maybe because I grew up in another country-and have traveled extensively overseas-my exh is from another country so I don't see traveling overseas as big, scary etc. What could I do to ensure everything was set up to protect the child "just in case". I understand it's a being considerate thing-and likely I would notify my ex and him me...and again I'm surprised the notarized notification wasn't required from Mexican authorities? I'm sure something had to be signed for the child to obtain a passport, so maybe a permission letter was signed from the dad to travel already?

I might be surprised but not enough to consider court cost/time involved to "fight it". I guess what upsets me is the fact that so many people spend all this money in courts, attorneys, putting the kids in the middle for things that though a nuisance are really not beneficial to anyone to get upset/fight over AFTER a divorce.

I remember during the first couple years of my divorce, I traveled to an island with a girl co-worker of mine/partially for work-my kids were with my exh. The crazy thing is I ran into his then gf at the same island also for work lol-we were both shocked, what are the odds?? ....he then got pissed and yelled at me for not telling him I would be out of state even though I didn't have the kids-as if it was HIS bsns what I do on my own time?? But then again he had crazy control issues.

Disneyfan's picture

I can understand a parent being upset about not knowing about the vacation. I wouldn't dream of wasting my money or the courts time over it. The only parents who I think would run to court over something so petty, are those who may not be able to afford to tke the kid on international vacations themselves.