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BM sending child support to SS's account

newmommy05's picture

So our lawyer is drafting up an amendment to the current custody order because BM agrees to having SS14 live with us. She agreed to $100 in child support but says she will only deposit it into SS's account to spend as he chooses. What should we do?

hereiam's picture

Since when does a non-custodial get to "agree" to CS amount and dictate where the CS payment goes? NO.

Maxwell09's picture

Well I am biased since my DH doesn't recieve a cent for SS even though he is primary....but I would say "sure BM" It is just 100$ so it shouldn't make much of a difference in your household finances, and it will be a good way to teach your SS responsibility for "his" money. And there's an added bonus of BM losing the right to hold it over your DH every time it's time for y'all to split cost on medical or whatever. "Oh well BM you gave that money to SS and he spent it, you are still responsible for your half of the bill. You are more than welcome to make him pay you back if you think CS is what should be covering this cost but you took me out of the equation when you decided to give it to him directly" You should get your SS to start managing this money effectively as a teen which will be the best life lesson he could ever get from a parent. Have him start paying for his own gas or extras. 

Survivingstephell's picture

That is a good point, and might cause BM more headaches for herself in the long run.  Its always fun to watch them burn themselves when trying to remain in control.  This will come back on her.  

StepUltimate's picture

The money gets spent by the custodial parent, however they choose. In our case, we were fortunate to he able to put all the CS into a separate account to one day pay for college classes, then turn over to SS upon earning his certification. However, many families need to use the money for month-to-month living. That is fine - that's the point of CS, that the child doesn't go withhout. 

BM is just trying to work your energy. As others have said already, ignore the whore.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

When I was in high school a good friend of mine ended up living with us for over a year. Her mom was dating someone else with children and CPS became involved because of his ex. My friend got SSI benefits because from her father’s death and once it was understood that our home was her residency that check was sent to my mother. While the money was for the girl it wasn’t HER money, it was to take care of her. My mother did give part a large part to her and she was allowed to use that however she wished BECAUSE she was responsible enough to use it on things she needed like clothing, school expenses / supplies, and the like but my mom did keep the majority of it. She used to help pay the increase in bills. With one more growing teen in the home that meant more cost for food, water, electricity / gas, and even gas for the truck since my mom was transporting her outside of the normal transportation she already did.

My friend never once questioned and CPS themselves had no issue because that’s what the money was for. It’s for the care of the child and to give the complete amount to the kid is stupid. The money isn’t THEIR money. It’s money that follows them to provide for them. It’s not meant for them to buy everything they want. It’s meant to provide what they need. Yes it’s great if as they get older some of it goes to them for them to learn how to use it wisely but unless you can kick them out for not paying rent they don’t get the whole thing.

No judge in their right mind would support BM's wishes here because that's not what child support is for.

Survivingstephell's picture

Wouldn't it be something if the judge made her pay twice, because that check to SS everymonth was a considered a gift.  LOL  

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

She never paid child support. That money has to be given to BD and she has to prove she gave it to him. Giving it to the child doesn't equal child support paid.

newmommy05's picture

so BM ended up sending SS 200 and us 100. She told SS to use the use as he chooses. I was so shocked that she actually sent something.