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BM Playing Games?

mommyof2stepof2's picture

I'm new here, I've 'lurked' for some time and now I feel its time to ask for some advice. I have kids, my husband has 2 kids (my stepkids). Their mom has 'sole' custody, we get the kids 2 nights a week until 7:30pm and every other weekend, during the school year. During the summer, we get them 2 nights a week overnight and every/other weekend.
BM has signed one of the kids up in a sport that is VERY time consuming and could last all year round. One of the 'practice' days lands on our night. We will not have time to do homework or eat supper, which isnt fair to the other kids. And my DH and I both work full time. So, we asked BM if we could switch nights. She does not work. She is set and will not budge. We've been to mediation countless times in the past and nothing ever gets resolved... SO- where do we go from here? How do we STOP her game playing? This has went on for over 8 years now. Any advice would be appreciated!

seeingitfrombothsides's picture

I'm torn, I understand that she signed him up and doesn't work, but really isn't schlepping kids to practice part of being a parent and part of being a family? I get that it is tough when you work full-time and have other kids, as I too work full time and have more than one kid (we have two and also foster). Sometimes we are not all at home together at the same time. Sometimes I am at one practice and DH is at another. Sorry, I really do understand your upset.

Still Have Hope's picture

Not all parents choose to schlep their kids to practice if it doesn't fit into the family's schedule. She didn't decide this for her skids. Why should she have to run around to get skids to practice? If it was important enough for BM to sign them up, she can do the schlepping.

overit2's picture

I feel your pain, bm signed sd up for a sport-and then proceeds on the FIRST practice to call bf's parents -knew better then to call him, plus he has school in take sd to practice because she had to work till late.

OK, wtf-you KNOW when practice is-and you tell your job you can't stay late-BS she had to work...of course bf's dad ran to her bidding. UGHHHHH

I take time off when my kids need to go do something-but she has the golden uterus.

You can refuse to take her to practice I suppose.

Still Have Hope's picture

Your night - your decision. If she wants skids to go to practice she will trade nights with you. If she doesn't trade nights, skids miss that practice. It is that simple. How old are these kids? Seriously, this is not the Super Bowl, World Series or US Open we are talking about here.

CalgonTakeMeAway's picture

I HATE when our BM schedules things on DH's parenting time without consulting him first, especially when the time is so limited to begin with. BM has SD most of the time, yet she won't give on one day. :? I'm very frustrated with BMs this week!

The problem you have is that if you don't take SD to practice, she's the one that suffers. She will probably resent you and be miserable to be around. One thing that has helped a little in our situation is that we now have a Parenting Time Coordinator in place. It hasn't totally solved the problem, but it makes BM slightly more accountable. Of course she's very entitled and always right, so she pretty much does what she wants anyway.

I wonder if there's a way to make your BM think it would benefit her to switch days. Good luck..I know I wasn't any help, but I feel your pain!

HadEnoughx5's picture

In my opinion, if you and BF are unable to squeeze this practice in and BM did the signing up with out consulting BF, then I would not do it.

As far as the skid. You can say you spoke with BM and she was not willing to switch your days. So this is what we have to do now. Put the ball back into BM's court. Maybe the skid will ask her "what's the problem?" :?

unwillingparticipant's picture

Unfortunately, she doesn't have to accomodate your schedule and she knows that. You're going to have to work around it if you want this kid to play the sport. Honestly, we do this all the time to BM just to fuck with her, sorry. That's how it goes when one parent has sole custody.

CrazyCubanStepMOM's picture

My SD10 does Ballet. We pay for it and take her to ballet 4 times a week. She is part of the preprofessional group at her ballet school and does performances with the Ballet COmpany that the school is a part of. We have sole custody and take her to ballet each time, but one of the practices lands on saturdays. So BM has two choices either she takes her to practice or she picks her up Saturday afternoon. I realize that Ballet is not important to BM, but it is to SD. We didnt pick the schedule, the ballet school does. Is it possible for BM to pick the skid and drop him/her off? Perhaps you can pick up afterward? Just a suggestion. I know it sucks cause you didn't sign them up. THese are the options we gave BM.

mommyof2stepof2's picture

Thank you ALL for the response! I'm glad I found this place! A little more 'back story'... My step-daughters are twins.. A couple of years ago, she agreed to switching nights to another night because she signed them up for Girl Scouts.. Since then, we signed one of the girls up last winter for a volleyball program that had practices one day a week and a total of 3 tournaments. IF the practices landed on 'her' time, she would not allow DH to pick the SD up (it only lasted 2 hours) and drop off.. AND never brought her to the 2 tournaments that were on "her" time.. AND never attended the tournament we brought SD to on our time.. Both of the kids have said for YEARS that they want to stay a week with us and a week with her OR stay the nights during the week with us.. We've been to mediation about this and BM will not budge.. The kids went to a counselor with her and the counselor bribed them into only agreeing to one of the nights during the week. We live in the same small town and DH and I live closer to the school.. I am just at a loss, we want what is best for the kids and do not know how else to do anything except take it to court to re-write the court order. DH and BM share 'legal' custody.. Any advice would be helpful!!

DoingItAgain's picture

I understand your pain. Unfortunately, I can't be real sympathetic. I'm the BM that put her kids in sports. I am ALWAYS there. But one of the 2 practices every week and a game every other weekend will fall on Bio-dads time. Too bad so sad. This is life. Kids will be in some sport or another or some activity throughout their life. Unfortunately, he could choose not to take him.. and actually threatened but BS told him he wanted to play so BD caved and takes him.

SS and BS are on two different teams in the same league so DH takes SS and I take BS and two nights a week we don't see each other along with the games often end up around the same time so we don't see . We both work full time so dinner time is very quick/easy on those nights (and we usually have to feed them again when they get home cuz they are starving!).

If you have other kids, I don't see why they have to suffer... DH can take his kids to practice and you stay home with the others... or, plan a quick/easy meal for all and take the kids with to watch their older siblings play. This is how it would be in any nuclear family as well.