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BM making them her little messangers.

QuailCreek's picture

You know the type- The one who is too chicken sh*t to put her big girl panties on and have an adult discussion regarding her kids?

In our case the "message" wasn't a request but a demand. This coming weekend is our weekend and we get an extra day because Monday is a holiday. My sd calls DH tonight saying she must be taken home on Monday by noon. WTF

First off. Lazy-cray needs to get off her stay at home arse and pick up her kid when its her time which would be only twice a month on Saturdays. Secondly, for her to have the audacity to demand time she doesn't have and making 11 year old sd express a demand to DH?

DH said flat out. "Your mom can't dictate my time and she needs to be the one to discuss it. Not you."

...and you know what? She won't. Even if he calls she'll ignore it until she conspires some whiny excuse and guilt trip the eff out of DH and Sd. This is not even to be with her --its to be with BM's sd who shares mutual hatred towards each other. She just want her daughter there to occupy her. I really hope my DH has the ability to keep his balls and stand his ground but I'm not hopeful. He'll cancel zipline plans and shelp sd 40 minutes back to BM for what. To sit on her arse all day. Plans will be evolved around BM AGAIN.

She should be so thankful I don't get involved with her. Women see right through her antics which is why she has no friends. I'd make her cry. HARD.

Orange County Ca's picture

To end this Daddy sends a written message through the mail, return receipt, and tells Mommy that messages will not be received from the children. Email, text and cell telephones are now available. Even on-line communication sites. If the child offers a verbal message s/he is cut off. If the child says "but you'll want to hear this" Daddy cuts the child off. "No I don't want to hear it, your mother knows how to send me a message". The only messages sent between the two are email, text, voice mail, in person, web site or phone.

YOU as the step parent stay completely out of it accepting only a message over the house phone for him to call back. No matter what or how simple the message is you're response is "I'll have him call back". Obvious exceptions are medical etc emergencies.

In my day, the 70s/80s I did accept a sealed note, carried by the child which I put aside and read when they were asleep. When the child was with me they, not their mother or her messages, were my priority. It didn't matter what she said it could wait. But BM didn't get it until I cut off a verbal message carried by a kid. Of course she was told by the kid I would not listen and that was the end of that.\

Daddy has to be tough to end this.

As for a short visitation day the court order is adhered to the minute. No minute is given or asked for. Only sickness is an excuse when a sick child should be in their bed at home. Daddy can include that in the note I mentioned above. Just a simple statement that the court order is just that, a order, not a suggestion. He should tell her that failure to adhere to the order will result in his asking for criminal sanctions.

QuailCreek's picture

I wish DH could be stronger with his convictions in dealing with her, I've expressed similar to what you're saying, text or email when things get stupid between them, but all that doesn't matter if he doesn't want to deal with her aftermath caters to her. Meanwhile all he's protraying is what a push over he is being. BM laps that what like any normal human being would so I don't blame her. I blame him.

I understand how diabolical the relationship between step-parent and bio parent can be. I stay the heck away from her. I point my frustrations at DH for not handling the situation better.

hereiam's picture

I did not involve myself with BM, but I sure as hell made sure my husband was aware of what she was really up to.

QuailCreek's picture

DITTO!

QuailCreek's picture

My ex does that. Claims ignorance. We text and if we talk I follow up with a text to confirm. He also knows if he doesn't respond to the text or email I get my way. Claiming ignorance on written messages is another trick they pull.

QuailCreek's picture

Not all stay at home moms sit on their arses--Sorry if I offended anyone. If you're doing the job right you're quite busy.

BM doesn't cook or clean. SD says she online shops, watches E entertainment, or reads magazines (trash mags like the US and ENquirer). She has an infant now so if it goes the way it did when she was with my DH, her house will implode with more dirty dishes, craft sh*t, and mounds of dirty laundry.

MarselleB's picture

I wouldn't have said that to the daughter. He should have just ignored it, and talked about him looking forward to seeing her. You don't want to involve the kids in that garbage.

However, he should send her (bm) a email that on his weekends the schedule will be adhered to unless there is an emergency. Otherwise, I don't see a reason to talk to bm. It's also up to you as the co-parent, not just dh.

Also, this child is getting older, from experience at some point they often don't want to visit as much because they will have friends and activities going on. That won't be bm's fault, it's a common occurrence, so your dh needs to be understanding, and it will give you guys more time to do things together.

QuailCreek's picture

The only involvement I have is ripping DH a new one when he's being an idiot about it (when no one is around of course). I probably need to eat my own words when it comes to disengaging with him. lol

BM knows she shouldn't talk to me. It would be pointless.

QueenBeau's picture

BM use to do this with stupid stuff. One day SD was at our house & I was getting her dressed. She was 5 at the time I think. She looked at me & said "My mommy says you guys have to put an undershirt on me."

I looked at her & said "You know Mimi (what she calls my mom)? She is my mom. BM is not my mom."

It was just BM being an idiot. We always put an undershirt on her when it's cold.

SD doesn't relay messages anymore.

QuailCreek's picture

I agree the kid should have an explanation of co-parenting as long as it's age appropriate.

To an extreme, my father didn't explain the rules of co-parenting when he should have so my mother wrecked havec in our lives with her PAS.