This used to really bother me too. SD7 would show up in clothes that are so not appropriate. We would not send her back in new clothes to try to avoid the bad feelings. Now that SD7 is older we tell her that if she doesn't bring the clothes back she won't have them here to wear. That has been working OK.

I guess you could buy second hand clothes that are in good shape to send her back?

Send her back in what she came in no matter how silly it looks.

How does she get to your house? If her dad picks her up, then he should make her go back and change if she's wearing something crazy.

Thats is exactly what my BM does. My SO buys name brand which I think is silly since all the boys are under the age of ten and they wont fit in these clothes in a year but whatever. So we send them in brand names and we get them back in whatever she bought them that day for example a walmart plain t shirt on sale for a dollar or a dollar store t shirt. So I started getting mad at my ss7 and ss9 because they are more then capable of bringing back their clothes. My SO doesnt think its a big deal but to me its huge. They dont spend the night there ever so why would they need clothes there? If she wants to buy clothes thats fine but why arent they bring back the clothes they wore there? If you figure out how to stop it please let me know!

Slightly from the opposite side, but what is with BMs that think that infants need name brand clothing?!?! Adorable? Maybe, but child is growing at an exponential rate (or at least seems to be), why waste the money on something that you'll get on him once? And then if they get ruined (earth to BM, he is a CHILD and will ruin clothes, it's what they do), then you've wasted money. I say cheap stuff until they're older. Not because I'm cheap, but because it's practical. So sorry he spat up of his Ralph Lauren Bioterror, but he's a baby.

I'm of those who would buy name brands for my son. I love nice clothes and shoes. We all have things we splurge on.

My SD17's perfect bio-daddy does this all the time. DW makes an effort to send her over there is older clothes (we have custody, perfect bio-daddy gets her 18 days during the entire school year). However, lots of stuff still ends up over there. He gives it to his new step-daughters, apparently. I pleaded with DW to let me pick out a few outfits at the Salvation Army, and only send her to perfect bio-daddy's in them, but DW didn't want to stoop to "his level." As long as she pays for the clothes, I guess that's her call, but I think it is silly to waste money on clothes that go to SD17's step-sisters.

We sent our Ss11 home in the same clothes he came in every Friday.

But stupid BM accused us of making him wear the same clothes all week! LOL

We just send SS7 home in what he came in, most times I don't even wash the clothes.

REALLY! Yep, I do. I have absolutely zero guilt about it too. I make sure that he has clean socks, underwear and has had a shower then he goes home in what he came in. Don't get me wrong, if they are visibly soiled, disgusting, I'll send him home in our clothes and wash and keep what he came in. Other than that, I'm not wasting my time doing a load of laundry because BM can't figure out how to send clothes back to us. I don't think that's all that outrageous.

I used to do all the skids laundry too til they got mad b/c they ahd to put it away. :O So They decided to bring their clothes from bm's and if they forget anything that is their problem!

But before that bm tried her best to send them in clothes that were way too little and gross so dh wouldn't expect clothes from her. He then bought them clothes for here and put them back in their clothes from bm's to go home in.

This may not work for everyone but I make my skids change into decent clothes when they get here. Then if I have time or the inclination I wash the clothes they came in. Just before it's time to go back to BM's they go back into the clothes they came in (clean or not). I have been known to take the clothes with us on outings and change them in the back of the SUV while BM's waited at the pick up point. I will not have people thinking they are my kids dressed like THAT in public.

I always try to make sure he goes back in her clothes but sometimes DH misses the outfit I lay out and well, he doesn't know the difference between clothes so some things go missing. And no, we never see them again. BM will send SS4 in clothes that are the size of DS1. She thinks it doesn't matter that we pay child support, we don't do anything for him. SHe expects us to buy his clothes, get his hair cut and buy him shoes. The one and only battle I won with DH about that crazy lady is we will NOT continue to pay for those things. It is her job, not ours and we our house and son to worry about also. So either send her back looking silly or buy clothes from the Goodwill or some place like that so you won't miss them when they are gone

The bm in our situation does the same thing if putting sd5 in clothes not appropriate for anyone. Pajamas at 2 in the afternoon, stained up clothes, mismatched clothes, you name it. She also leaves her hair a rat's nest, and her body dirty... My dh and I agree she often looks homeless when bm drops her off. We got smart and leave a case in the car with a full set of clothes, wipes, hairbrush and ponies. If we have to stop someplace we change her clothes and clean her up. Whatever trash she sent us I was up and she gets sent back in. We have her most of the time so I spent a lot of money making sure she had nice clothes.... And plenty of them.

One time the trashy bm accused us of keeping a pair of sd underwear... We replied that no she was sent back in them... Long story short stupid bm complained undies were expensive. Thankfully my dh manned up and told her he pays cs on a kid we have full time bm can Damn well buy underwear for her house. Bm kept complaining about the Damn cost of underwear (for a kid she sees MAYBE twice a month) until I blew up and said fine I bought plenty I'll give you a handful of the pairs I bought for sd. Bm flipped gears, well uh, just make sure you don't keep my sh*t. And maybe I need more cs to buy her personal needs. Hello you rat faced turd. You got your Damn cs, you got your Damn sd undies, and I'll be damned if I let your contaminated crap sit in my sd drawer. A few hundred a month in cs for a child you hardly see should be more than enough to buy a few 5 dollar packs of bloomers. And while I'm complaining, calling us asking to pay cs early so you can pay your cell is bull. No wonder why you have troubles meeting the needs of a 5 year old.... You're too busy spending her money on your lazy butt. Oh yeah, and dropping her off at 9pm without feeding her so you didn't have to pay for her meal is crap too.

Bm does not bathe her, does nor clean her, and she stinks like hell when sd comes home. I do NOT want that filth in my house. Sd gets a bath the minute she gets home, and bms clothes go straight in the wash.

Mil feels since my dh is extremely picky about how sd looks and is dressed that bm is trying to get us to send a pile of our clothes to her house.
Oh boy. I rambled a little. Ok, maybe a lot. But the clothes issue is a hot button for me, because it entails so much more.

I say send her in exactly what she had on, if it's embarrassing have her put something on to cover up (jacket in the winter etc) or dress her nice, and change her clothes at a rest stop/or in the car before going to bm house.