BM doesn’t want her 11yo son back.
BM has always been horrid. Super difficult to deal with. All hubby tries to do is make her meet halfway on pick up and drop off. He pays her a fortune in CS every week and is there for his son. He works damn hard and admittedly can’t always attend stuff but he tries to and is a great dad.
Today we were meeting at the pick up point for BM to collect SS. Half an hour passed, hubby text her and she didn’t reply. We desperately needed gas so we went and got some as we assumed she was refusing to meet us by not responding or showing up so we didn’t see an issue. Just as we got to the gas station she messaged and asked where we were that she was there. So hubby said to wait we were getting gas and she was late and didn’t reply. She lost it. Then said she was going home and to tell SS she’s not getting him. We were on the way back to the meeting spot and had told her we were coming back and she drove straight past us and went 30mins home. We pulled over expecting her to stop to get her son. He has school tomorrow.
She’s completely lost it. She’s refusing to get her son and just told us to tell him sorry. She’s blaming us for making it hard. Hubby told her we stopped and she kept going but she denies it.
To be honest I’m quiet annoyed because now I have to play babysitter when I had plans for our young son. Iv done 70 hours work this past week and 5 night shifts so tomorrow’s my only day to hang out with my son.
What a messed up situation and completely uncalled for!!!!! I thought maybe hubby had a go at her for being late or something but he didn’t. He just said we didn’t think she was coming because she was late and not replying and we needed gas so we would be back in 5mins and to wait.
Your DH must
Take off from work to take care of his DS, or find a babysitter for him. If you start babysitting for your DH it will never end. You should be able to have a fun day with your DS. And not let SS interfere with it
Soooooo... the kid is just
Soooooo... the kid is just going to miss school tomorrow? Are you taking him to school in the morning? If not, what happens after tomorrow? Is BM going to come get him? Meet at 1/2 point? Your dh is going to drive him all the way home? If you/dh is going to drive him home tomorrow...then why not tonight?
she lives an hour away. Hubby can’t take time off for something so trivial. We are going away next week for a memorial. I have always watched SS so yeah I’m used to it. But with my full on schedule I just really want to dedicate special time to my son.
I thought I could take him to school in the morning. It’s a hours drive but we can’t gaurantee that she will collect him from school. Her last message was “I can’t do this anymore, I can’t keep fighting you” but there was no fight. We were just getting gas. She is the one that attacks hubby and he always has to block her. Hubby has messaged her and said “look what is the plan with SS what is happening” and she never replied. I’m absolutely shocked at what’s happened. It was so random and uncalled for. Hubby can’t even take him all the way home because she’s not responding at all. We don’t know if she’s home. He starts work at 3am and I can’t drive I worked all night lastnight and only got 2 hours sleep today. We can’t sort anything If she’s not responding.
If she doesn't pick him up
If she doesn't pick him up from school, then CPS will be called. That's on her, if it is her day to have him. Drive him to school in the morning and let the chips fall where they will.
He is 11.
Hhe is 11. How much babysitting does he need? Can he stay by himself for a few hours? And how is he handling this? Surely he must be aware of the fact that his mother blew him off since he was in the car when all this went down. Have you considered "reverse psychology" and DH just telling her that he will be happy to switch custody and enroll him in school where you are since she is not interested in being a mother?
well me and hubby had an argument. He TOLD me I’d be looking after SS and he would be staying until the next night. I said no as per my last post I do not want to be left watching the child after the accusations last time. He Said to ignore them and that it’s just lies from his ex. I don’t care! I’m not putting myself in that position. I then asked hubby If we were going to speak to SS about it and he refused to. He said he might but he doesn’t want me involved in that conversation. Despite our therapist telling us it’s a must in theses situations. Hubby then spat the dummy and is now taking SS to school himself. I should be mad he refuses to sort this other drama but I’m actually glad SS is leaving so I can hang with our young son.
If that is not a conversation
If that is not a conversation he wants you involved in, then DO NOT watch that child. It’s all or nothing, asshole. Don’t be his babysitter if he is not going to involve you in difficult discussions. This shit isn’t ala carte.
i have always been guilted or walked over with this whole situation. Im finally standing on my feet and holding my ground. It ends up causing huge fights but I’m just in this mindset now of “don’t bite back, stay calm and just say sorry that’s how you feel” and not let him guilt me into shit or wind me up and upset me. I can’t get through to him so I just won’t bother trying anymore. Lastnight he got so mad over me not watching SS in the morning that he was going to drive after drinking and take SS home. I followed up with “ok what do I tell our son when you don’t come back home”. Then he got furious at me for that. But what does he expect, seriously. This relationship seems to have more negative than positive for me at the moment and with a new high paying job I’m seriously considering leaving now that I can afford to. In fact I wish he could just leave me. How can someone make someone feel so bad all the time and expect someone to feel ok to with being accused of stuff and then being expected to deal with it with no say. I could never do that to someone. Our therapist told hubby it’s a 100% team effort and everything must be fought together. He picks and chooses. He’s too scared to upset his precious son. Our therapist actually told me that if I were to give up and leave (how I was feeling at the time) that it would be the best thing for me, that I have given and sacrificed too much to this situation and dealt with enough of it with little to no thanks or respect. Sorry for the rant but I’m feeling a little lost and dead inside and I have no where else to go to talk.
Dealing with a stepkid and a
Dealing with a stepkid and a difficult BM is hard under the best of circumstances, but if your DH doesn't have your back, and expects you to take care of his kid, then it's impossible. He expects you to watch his son all day but isn't willing to take time off work to take him back to BM's.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and making sure you have an exit plan.
I would be really frustrated
I would be really frustrated with this, especially since your DH seems unwilling to compromise. Take care of YOU- no one gets married to be a babysitter with no say. It doesn’t sounds like your DH values you at all.
It sounds like you have a
It sounds like you have a good therapist. Stand your ground, make your exit plan. Until your husband has your back, I doubt this will get better.
So quit meeting half way.
So quit meeting half way. She is responsible for xporting the Skid to her location and DH is responsible for xporting the kid to his location.
If she fails to pick the kid up... that is on her. You nor DH nor the Skid have to deal with that crap. It is all on BM. That way ther is no way for her to leave you hanging. On xfer days at the stipulated xfer time plan on at home activity so that if she does show the kid can go with her. If she fails to be at her home when DH pics up the kid, make sure he has copies of the CO with him and he calls 911 and nails her toxic ass to the wall. She can explain it to the police and the Skid when she does arrive for the xfer.
Have fun nailing her ass to the wall.