You are here

BM cancelled therapy for skids

SMof2Girls's picture

This is the third appointment DH has tried to take them to. BM agreed to therapy, agreed on the therapist, but argues with every single date/time DH makes an appointment. She has provided a list of 3 days she's available over the next 4 weeks. DH works every single one .. and with taking off work for 2 mediation sessions, a court appearance, and a pulmonologist appt for the skids, his own personal doctor appointment, he just can't afford to request more time.

He showed up at the therapist's office this morning. BM called and cancelled the appointment, again, without telling him. He's trying to see if they can still see the skids since it had to be a very recent cancellation (they called DH to confirm the appt yesterday around 3pm).

It's just so annoying .. and of course skids keep asking what's going on ..

ej'scrazy's picture

She may get charged for this appointment, as most places charge for cancellation less than 24 hrs in advance. I'm wondering why she's doing this right before court? She wants your DH to go to counseling, but won't let the kids? Personally, I'd see if he could get a print out from the place to use in court.

Also, is it a possibility to just take them on his weekend? I don't normally condone that kind of manipulation, but if there's something going on with the kids, it's about them, not her power trip. Still notify her, but have it at a time where she can't cancel. Speak with counseling place, say, "The skids will be with me on X weekend. If anyone else calls to cancel the appointment, please do not allow it. I plan on bringing them in." Still notify BM, and when she calls to cancel, they can still go? I mean, if she's already agreed to counseling, and she's agreed to the counselor--what's the big deal? Is it really about control?

BM has taken the kids to her counselor for years. Despite DH's protests, it was added to the CO that "kids see X counselor until X counselor says that they no longer need to see her." Counselor said this past year, "all good" and guess what? BM is still taking them to see her. What I don't think she realizes is that they are talking about their issues with BM (skid confided in me about the issues, and mentioned it; otherwise, I wouldn't know she was going)--which I think makes it a total conflict of interest, but I have no say since I'm just the step parent.

SMof2Girls's picture

Skids were able to attend. DH showed up anyway and waited. Therapist was able to get them in since she cancelled so last minute, they didn't fill the slot.

He has notified BM of the appointments. They all occur on his time. She cancels because she can't attend. She also doesn't try to contact the therapist via phone or email either. What works for her, doesn't work for him .. and she knows that.

She's okay if he doesn't attend, but if he takes them without her, she considers it a violation of their custody agreement.

Like I said, she agreed to the therapist, to therapy in general, and it's all covered 100% by insurance. Tog nailed in that I think she's really just pissed she can't get her claws into the therapist.

DH is calling the therapist first thing tomorrow morning to let them know that the appointments have been scheduled on his custody time, to offer a copy of the agreement, and to not cancel the appointments unless he personally calls to do so. He has joint custody; that does not mean she has veto power to say "no" to beneficial therapy.

SMof2Girls's picture

Well she has completely lost her shit over this. Went so far as to say that therapy is just a tactic DH is using for court purposes to win more custody (which he's not asking for) .. which is pretty hilarious considering it was HER who suggested therapy in October AFTER SHE filed with the courts to take more time away from him. It was also HER who suggested therapy for the two of them to attend together just a couple weeks ago.

So who's putting on the show for the court? Funny how her accusations are so misdirected ...

SMof2Girls's picture

She called and switched therapists, so now skids start over (again) with a new therapist. She is convinced that DH spent the full hour bashing her and making her look back.

Paranoid much? Lol

SMof2Girls's picture

Correction. She cancelled the last therapist and signed them all up for group therapy.

Good thing DH called to confirm with the office.

They go to court at the end of the month for scheduling of their custody battle .. which seems to have spurred BM into action to suddenly be "involved" in therapy for the girls. She's likely terrified that the girls will say something negative about her.

Patsy's picture

Will the court allow the therapist's opinion to be submitted? Talk to the therapist and the court to make sure it is admissible. We thought years ago when the therapist felt that Dh was the target of BM's PAS it would be, but it wasn't. The funny thing is she was even court appointed! :sick:

SMof2Girls's picture

I'm not sure .. DH plans to ask.

BM seems very convinced that the skids do not need therapy, that only BM and DH need therapy .. together.

I think having a therapist tell her that the kids could benefit from it will do one of two things; 1) shut her up, or 2) insist on having a second opinion.

BM has done her typical BM thing. She beats things up and manipulates and wears it all down so that any benefit that may have been had is now lost. I cannot fathom a person who DEMANDS to be included in the therapy sessions intended for her kids. How does she not realize that this is not the point at all?