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BM and DH's Wedding Anniversary?!?!?!

hornet64's picture

Has anybody ever had this happen to you?

Last week, my DH's ex-wife texted him asking him if he remembered what the significance of the day was... Obviously, it was the "anniversary" of the day they got married, but let me set the stage... They were married for only 11 months before their official separation date and only got married in the first place because she told the fateful lie, "Don't worry... I can't get pregnant."

So, needless to say, they really never HAD a wedding anniversary and yet, she is texting my husband to remind him?!?!?!?

As a side note, she has dropped a few comments lately that she and her husband might be separating... but not me, only to my husband. She just smiles at me like she's miss perfect.

My husband's reaction??? He said that he called her and told her that the day had no significance to him, to never bring it up again, and that it was disrespectful to her current husband and me.

I have to admit that I am SO ANGRY at her for doing that. Seems like she is having marital problems and she's reaching out for my husband because she may be alone soon again.

What do you guys think? Should I let this go? BUT I'M SO ANGRY AT HER! She really crossed the line this time and I hate to be disrespected and have my life interrupted by a bitch who was running around with her legs spread without birth control just so she can trap a poor guy into marrying her.

secondplace's picture

I say "let it go". Your DH handled it very well.

Why would you want to start a pissing match with her? Your husband is obviously on your side!

purpledaisies's picture

I agree let it go. your dh did what anyone would expect him to. Nothing more anyone can do.

so confused's picture

Wow!
Can't say i have ever had this happen to me but if i did she better watch out! In my relationship my DH doesn'tspeak to his ex! we have a communication book. So she dosent have his cell number ect. she has a number she can call to communicate emergencys! (only cuz she violated our phone ect) On the brighter side however at least ur DH put her in her place asap! Really as much as i understand how you feel what good will it do to say anything to her cuz she is winning when she knows she pissed you off!! I have lashed out on BM many times but she continued to do stupid stuff and when i ignored it she stopped!

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Let it go. If your marrige is solid (seems so by dh's response to her) then who cares?! How lonely and miserable she must be. What gives you reason to believe she is Interrupting your life? Had dh not stopped that conversation then yeah, but he nipped it. I am very secure with mine and dh's relationship. If bm were to tell dh something like that and he reponded the way yours did then I would laugh it off.

Persephone's picture

You could always have him send a text on the anniversary of their divorce date... }:) J/K, sorta.

Our BM called, ranted and sent an "I'm-so-hurt-how-could-you do-this-to-me" email when she found out that DH proposed to me on her birthday... they were divorced for 8 years.

I'm thinking: Get over yourself chick... the rest of the country calls it Valentines Day!

skylarksms's picture

Hahaha - love it. Oh, my son's father's birthday is on V-Day as well!

BTW, BM just so happened to be at the restaurant that my DH proposed to me at and started screaming at us as we were leaving. THAT coincidence really sucked.

purpledaisies's picture

Dh and I got back together on bm's birthday. I didn't know it was her birthday. Dh also filed the paper work for their divorce on that day too. Dh and I didn't run into each other till that night after he had filed and was moved out of their house for over a month. We really did run into each other I mean I hit him with my body at the store by accident while looking for something. lol

iwishyouwould's picture

I think you should ignore the annoying woman and that what your husband said was *fabulous*.

Rags's picture

Don't let it go. Beam in the glow of how awesome your DH is for handling it the way he did.

Who gives a shit if BM is an idiot? Enjoy her idiocy and enjoy the quality of your marriage even more. Why would you let "(your) life (be) interrupted by a bitch who was running around with her legs spread without birth control just so she can trap a poor guy into marrying her"?

I learned long ago to enjoy barring the asses of the SpermIdiot and SpermClan as a sport. I am the perennial gold medalist and I truly enjoy it. There is nothing more entertaining than barring the asses of an entire gene pool of toothless morons.

Don't let it go, but don't let it bother you either.

Enjoy!

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

*laughs*
DH and Mother Russia’s “anniversary” (they had a literal shotgun wedding at the jp... she was 8 months preggers and he was sweating bullets trying to keep her and his unborn child in the country. Their “ceremony” took place in between two DUI trials) is Guy Fawkes Night… and lord help me… every time the date rolls around I can’t help but elbow him in the ribs and say “Remember, remember the Fifth of November!”

If only I could burn the traditional “guy” effigy in her honor…

Happyhippos242's picture

I love that your DH handled it the way he did! You have a right to be angry about it but since DH did the right thing I don't think you should say anything further to BM.

Similiarly, my FDH was only married for 6 months to his ex before they seperated and the divorce followed several months later. Their wedding anniversary just happens to be MY birthday so when the ex did the same thing asking FHD "Do you know what today is" He replied "YES, my baby's birthday!" That was the ONLY year she pulled that one. Smile

wriggsy's picture

BM has been known to do things like this. Right after DH completely remodeled the kitchen a couple years ago, SS was so excited, he asked BM if she wanted to come see. She did. Shortly thereafter, DH (bf at the time) received a text message from BM "I miss you". She had no problem trying to get back with DH every time she was "between" relationships. Right before DH and I got married earlier this year...SD told us that BM was asking if they (SD and SS) thought dad would take her back if she asked him. The suck part? BM was married at the time (now going through another divorce)

Something for giggles. BM got re-married (now getting divorced) a year before DH and I did. When I started planning our wedding, I struggled over the date. It had to line up perfectly with the kids being out of school and my best friend being available (she is currently pursuing a degree in another city), I wanted spring/summer. The first date I came up with was at the end of the school year. I don't remember what got me thinking, but I eventually called my honey and asked him if he remembered the date he and BM got married. He didn't, but his sister did. The exact same date I had picked out. I was like "Oh Hell NO...I'm not getting married on that day!". So, I went through a couple more and finally settled on a Saturday that the kids were going on Spring Break, my best friend was available, so I set the date. We started letting people know the date. A couple weeks later, we were at dinner and SD says "You know..the day you picked...that's the same date that BM and her husband got married last year" I got so upset with myself! I couldn't believe it! Well...DH and I discussed things and we decided to keep the date because--being completely honest--BM doesn't stay married to one guy for very long, so we won't have to share that anniversary date for too long. She was actually already separated from that husband by the time our wedding rolled around!!!

hornet64's picture

I see all of your points... but let me throw a wrench into this... Found this out later...

The text actually came through when I was in the room. When he didn't respond, she sent another text message asking if he was alone to which he promptly replied, "no." She said, " oh, okay, ttyl."

I did not know of the text at the time it was happening and I went up to bed because I was feeling very sick... allergies, etc. I thought I heard him talking... found out later that he waited for me to go to bed so that he could call her and tell her what he told me he told her.

Now, why couldn't he have that conversation with her when I was in the room? Or did he say something else entirely to her and he's telling me something else?

My friends here at work say that he was trying to protect me from the drama of the actual conversation and that it took courage for him to even tell me about the text in the first place.

Anybody feel differently now?

Rags's picture

Yep, DH's story no longer passes the smell test. Something is definatley rotten in Denmark.... so to speak.

Happyhippos242's picture

I hate secrets. When conversations need to happen behind my back I get a weird feeling... thats just me.

stormabruin's picture

Our BM did this for the first 4 years DH & I were together. She'd call & leave a message on his voicemail...the "Happy Anniversary" song. Her & the kids would all sing it together, & then she'd leave a message about how he'll always be the one for her, & she loves him. The rest of the world didn't call that day Valentine's Day, but rather it's known as April Fools Day. Yeah...the irony. She's a tool.

cbeckwith's picture

Oh I can still remember the day my dh now then he was my bf and I talked about the fact that we never had been on dates or he had never gotten me any flowers just b/c or anything. So he had only been divorced for 11 months and he decided to bring me flowers on his and his ex wives anniversery! Are you kidding me I was so ill. Even I knew it was his anniversery she had made it clear to me what that day was. He said that he did not know and how did I expect him to know he did not do it on purpose. We still laugh about that now. You will make it through it!

cnd62107's picture

i havent had to deal with anything like that lately, but my bf and i got together just a month after he and BM split and he wanted to keep us a secret at first as there was no custody order in place and he wanted to keep the peace. early in our relationship we were on our way to a date on sweetest day and she called to wish him happy sweetest day. i was right next to him and it was very awkward...it really pissed me off when he said you too. he said he was just playing along but the secret wasnt kept long after that!

VAStepMom's picture

I would be upset, yes, but I would wallow in my glory over it.

Nice of DH to tell you what he "says" he said. Not nice, that he called her back after you went to bed. I would check the phone bill to ensure that did indeed happen, and then I would see how "long" he actually talked to her about it.

Then I would "file" that away for later.... and keep my eyes open, including monitoring the cell bill.

BM is playing games. Yes, the happier she sees you two, the more she will want what YOU have. Thinking, she made an error in judgement back in the day.

The same thing happened to me once. But... DH would NOT take her back. Yay!

Couldawouldashoulda's picture

OMG. some of these are hilarious!!! Seriously though Hornet: The DAY that my BM texted personal things was the DAY I had a talk w/then FH explaining that conversations w/BM should be about skid only!!! Not personal problems or life stories and since we have went to e-mail only because of these very same issues. I totally understand you being hurt and worried.

IMHO: The ex's will try every chance they get to screw up your relationship, regardless of the fact they are the ones that ended their relationship, etc. It's just their nature and you can't change that, but you can limit their access and chances to do this.

(Hugs)