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Birth mother trying to keep me away from my stepdaughter

ShadowAthena's picture

So my husband's ex girlfriend is trying to tell him that I'm not allowed to be involved with their daughter. Which I think is stupid. Their daughter and I get along really well. Her mother is just a controlling, pathetic piece of shit. This is her attempt at keeping some form of control over my husband, she doesn't even care about what their daughter wants. Its not fair on her, me or my daughter, husband is natural father to my daughter. 

Can she legally keep me out of their daughter's life? My husband is taking his ex to court, for 2 years he's tried to get some sort of arrangement in place but his ex has said no every time.  That or posted the letter on Facebook with our address attached. 

What do I do about this crazy, vile human being? 

Kes's picture

I see you are in the UK, like me.  As far as I know, in this country, (or in any, come to that) there is absolutely no way that a BM can legally prevent their child from seeing their stepmother, other than as a result of some sort of abuse by you.  What to do about her is less simple!  Almost all the members here would advise you to have zero contact with the BM yourself, make sure she is blocked on phone, social media and email, and for your DH's contact with her to be minimal, and only on practical matters relating to the child.  My own DH eventually took my advice and stopped taking calls from NPD BM - the few calls he did take, he'd end the minute she raised her voice.  Over time she gave up calling.  I can't promise this will happen with you, one can but hope!  

Harry's picture

You will have a life time of this.  It's important that DH goes to court and gets visitation schedualnin writing.  With every T crossed and every dot in place.  Once in place you must followed it to the letter. 
BM May make it's her life's work to break you two up. Using her DD as a weapon for that.

Just get ready for BM to call CPS on you.   Make sure you are never alone with SD. 

ShadowAthena's picture

My husband has sent off his application to court, legally he had to tell his ex about it, and send her a part of his application, the C1A form. 

BM is so controlling she won't even let my husband have his daughter for any length of time, they live in another town so if he wants to spend time with her we've got to go up there. It's expensive and we're mostly on benefits now. I've got another baby on the way and BM is just so stressful. All I want is for my SD to be happy. 

I hope court happens soon. 

Rags's picture

No she can't.  Dad can do what he wants with whoever he wants on his time with his kids.   F BM.  He needs to beat the snot out of her (figuratively of course) with a rolled up copy of the CO and keep those beatings fresh unto she gets and stays in line.

Your child is SD's sib.  BM gets no say in that. Or anything else on your DH's time.

ShadowAthena's picture

Sadly there's no court order in place yet. We're waiting to hear back from the court about a hearing date. He's tried, unsuccessfully, over the last 2 years to set something up and BM has basically laughed in his face every time. 

Rags's picture

Time to escalate the urgency with the court.  Get a lawyer to push it so that DH can get a visitation CO pronto.

ShadowAthena's picture

My husband and his ex have come to an agreement, finally, but until we get the paperwork back we won't withdraw from court. 

Funny part, bio mum is taking her time sending the agreement back, they've both signed it we just need our copy. If we don't get it then court will go ahead. 

Rags's picture

Not an uncommon manipulation tactic.  My SS's SpermClan was notorious for the surge and delay tactic.  Their goal was to draw things out and cost my DW (before we married) more than she could afford.  Their goal was for her to sign custody of her son over to "them".  The SPermidiot never has had any interest in any of his 4 all out of wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas.  SpermGrandHag was the one who was the driver.

They failed. My wife tolerated none of their bullshit, took out extra school loans to fight their cusotdy effort, and ultimately burried their useless pathetic manipulative toxic asses and protected herself and her son.

You are doing the right thing.  Do not give BM any ability to delay. She coughs up the signed agreement or smack the shit out of her in court.

Good luck.



shamds's picture

Its a common thing here where they try to dictate the terms of your household or how you run it when they have no authority to. 

My husbands exwife demanded sd22 (at the time) to message my husband and tell daddy he can only see the daughters if i was present.

3 visits in and i said screw this!! Sd’s are intolerable and disrespectful and so was ss. I was wasting a whole weekend day on them ranting about bio mum and stepdad.

i guarantee you that bio mum is allowed to move on with her life, get a boyfriend or husband without needing approval from your partner. Its complete hypocrisy:

my husband told his daughters that they were rude disrespectful and they are never to talk back to me or do inappropriate things to my kids or make executive decisions on my kids. One time we were in a 2 bedroom serviced apartment on holiday. I went to our bedroom to go to toilet and come out sd’s had bought a princess dress for my daughter that they care nothing for and had stripped her naked to change her original clothes into a dress so hubby could gush on what awesome sisters they were.

it didn’t matter they’d cut off contact for the usual 4.5 months. That what i say regarding my kids goes and they do not ever answer back and this goes when hubby isn’t around too. Hubby would 100% back me up. Sd was 24 when hubby finally manned up and told her off as he realised i would never be on another trip with his shitty 3 kids from the had the nerve to apologise and say she didn’t do anything wrong.

the way they behave they are completely brainwashed by bio mum and you just see alot of the things they do are just to cause issues in our marriage but it’s perfectly fine for mummy to marry her high school sweetheart that she cheated with whilst married to my husband