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Biological mum / mother in law

anonymous1306's picture

This is slightly off topic to stepparenting but is still relating to the whole blended family issues.

i've been with my partner for almost 2 years, i have a daughter (5) from a previous relationship and my partner has a daughter (3) from a previous relationship.

my main reason for posting is i keep seeing things being posted on facebook by my partners mum - she tags my partner and his ex in things together, she tags his ex's mum in things about loving their grandchildren and i've just seen a comment to someone with her gushing about how well his ex is coping with their daughter and how 'proud' she is of her for coping so well. Considering im also in the same boat as my partner works away all week so im alone with my child all week on my own. Their was also a 'family photo' of my partner, his ex and their daughter left on display in the front room for well into a year in our relationship to the point where i'd mentioned it to my partner so many times that its not nice to see that i refused to go round as it immediately pissed me off. we've recently had a conversation on whether we'll ever have any more kids and he said he doesnt think so... so because we wont ever have a child together - i wont be thought of as fondly as his ex seems to be. Despite the fact that she has also caused nothing but trouble since they split up with kicking off and hacking into my partners app, getting people to screenshot my social media to then post it and slag me off all over hers (she blocked me so i couldnt see obviously).

i want to remove myself from his family as i'm sick of the sun shining out of his ex's arse when she's a manipulative cow at the best of times.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

If MIL isn't a friend to your relationship, you can put her on fb snooze for a while.

I'd also be tempted to make lots of posts of you, SO, and the kids with YOUR side of the family; laughing, enjoying FAMILY life. Create your own Cool Kids Club, and don't let her in.

momjeans's picture

This. So much this, because play b*tch games, win b*tch prizes. 

Because that’s what she’s doing. Playing games.

SteppedOut's picture

Do you want more children? Honestly? 

If you do, you are not properly matched and should reconsider this relationship. 

BethAnne's picture

A great partner can be ruied by the company he keeps, especially if he cannot ask them to show some consideration for his current partner. Sadly love is not always enough, we have to take context into consideration too. 

Rags's picture

If your partner won't put his foot up both his X's and idiot mother's asses then I would say that yes, move on. Live a great life and do not subject yourself to this ball-less non man and his squad of harpies.  That he tolerates his X to invade his family and does not shut his idiot mother down on this crap is just incredible to me.

I had a similar experience when I ran in to my former ILs years after the divorce from their cavern crotched adulterous skank whore of a daughter was final.  At that time I had moved offices and my new office was not far from my XIL's home.  I ran into them at lunch one day.  They invited me over to their home for coffee.  The wedding pics from my marriage to their daughter were still prominantly displayed in their home. Her huge wedding portrait was on the fall of their family room, several framed pics of she and I were displayed on shelves. This was about 10 years after the divorce.  It was surreal.

That is the only time I returned to their home after the divorce.   My DW and I had been married for about 6 years at that time.

I found that alter to a crappy marriage to be odd to say the least.  At that time my XMIL explained that their daughter had not had another wedding though she had married again.  As it turned out... as of 2012 she had been married twice and had three all out of wedlock children by both of her cheat partner subsequenct husbands.  She was knocked up by her geriatric Fortune 500 sugar/baby daddy when we divorced and he did not marry her until their second son was born.  While married to him, she got knocked up by a boyfriend and her DH#2 booted her ass when that adulterous spawning came to light.

strugglingSM's picture

Many families never move on from the "first family". My MIL has a tendency to do this, too, but BM is terrible to DH, so DH won't stand for any of it. If MIL had a picture of him and BM together hanging in her house, he would probably take it down and burn it. 

Instead, MIL goes behind DH's back to stay friendly with BM and her family. When DH calls her on it, MIL claims she "has to so the children know they are loved!" But really, I think it would be better for the children to see that DH's family supported him and didn't conspire behind his back with BM. They are old enough now to see how BM uses DH's family against him. 

The moral of the story is that just because someone shares DNA with you or because you grew up in a home with them, that does not mean they have your best interest at heart or even that they care about you. Families treat one another poorly all the time and they get away with it, because society convinces us that if you don't have a good relationship with your family, there is something wrong with you. It's sad really...

CLove's picture

The altar to the holy first family thing is creepy. You should be the numero uno. You should be protected from all that.