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Biodad, if you are out there, give me your thoughts on this

sheila's picture

Actually, any male input would be great. I am very curious and also concerned about my b/f's "intimate" relationship with is 17 year old daughter. This SD exhibits NO boundaries of any kind, but I don't believe she has been taught any. However, being 17, there are some things she should be better at.

Short background...she has lived with her dad since she was 7 and biomom left. Biomom attempted a relationship with both daughters but for whatever reason could only "connect" with the older daughter. This left the 7 yr old to wonder why. I am not sure just how much to believe from this now 17 year old as she lies about absolutely everything and has nothing to do with her biomom OR her sister at this point. I'm not sure if she would want one ever, but she won't learn how to because she seems more hellbent on pleasing daddy and remains loyal to him. He has always been worried about her self esteem and has way over compensated for the missing mother. By this i mean she is never reprimanded, if she is, it is a short time later when he is trying to make it up to her, he feels guilty for upsetting her etc. At this point in her life, i do not see ANY self esteem issues, but rather a conceited, in love with herself, brat.

The issues i would like input on are (keep in mind she is 17), she never closes the bathroom door when she is in there, exhibits not need for privacy and does not care WHO witnesses her doing her business or preparing to shower. She snoops thru everything, involves herself in his personal business, and behaves more like a "partner" than a daughter. His behavior towards her concerns me as well. I am absolutely certain there is nothing sexual in nature, however, sometimes they act like b/f - g/f towards each other. They kiss on the mouth at all times, not a good bye kiss, but walk by each other and she makes kissy noises at him and stands there until he kisses her. He runs his hand down the lower part of her back and rests it on her butt while patting her there, not a slap on the butt like you see athletes do, but actually "holding" her butt, like you would do to a g/f. WHen she walks by him she consistantly has to rub up against him, runs her hand thru his hair as she walks by the couch, grabs his hand, rubs his arm while he sits at the computer, basically touching him more than I have ever seen a teen with her dad or a teen son with his mom. I really would like an honest input here from the male point of view. Is this something you would engage in? B/F doesn't see anything wrong with this constant physical contact but when I asked him if he thought his male friends behaved like that with their daughters, he could not answer me. He has been much more aware of things since i brought it up and I think he sees her "flirting" with him as well. He has changed his behavior towards her to some extent and i can see the frustration from her. She becomes more obvious and demanding for this kind of attention. The contact is initiated by her for the most part, and i wonder if it is done for my benefit. As I stated in another post, she appears to be in competition with me and acts like women act when they want someone else's man. I am totally confused by all of this and to be honest, it all makes me very uncomfortable.

Please, any males out there, tell me your views. Any of you have teenage daughters?

Any input is welcome here. I am just wondering what another male would have to say on this.

SympatheticBioDad's picture

Wow. First off, sorry it took me so long to get around to answering you. I've been really busy lately and haven't had the time to visit here as often.

Uhm, well, it does sound like she is having some jealousy issues. I'm not an expert on teenage girls, but aren't they still going through a lot of changes at that age? You know hormones and all. Or maybe she's having separation issues with her Mother and that's how she deals with it?

Your B/F was probably enjoying the attention he was getting and didn't even realize how it looked from the outside. I bet it really opened his eyes! Smile

Has anybody talked to her about what she's doing? I would think B/F would probably be the one to talk to her unless there's another female in the family that's close. I would think it would be an embarrassing situation to talk about. I wouldn't bring it up to her yourself; I think you're asking for a confrontation if you do.

happy's picture

BUt if anyone else seen this behavior they would probably go to social services.. That is very strange.. All girls want privacy by, mostly by the time they are like 10/11 or so.. My daughter is very open with me but I am her mom and my son too he is 7. But I cannot see them being open with there dad. My daughter cringes at the very fact that I told her dad she was starting to get breasts..
Your B/F needs to stop this behavior now before it gets way out of hand? Does she have a boyfriend? At 17 you normally see a girl with a B/F of her own. I think she may be in competition with you as well, but I think the saying is that most girls when they marry, will marry someone just like there dad.. So I think this is very strange.. How could they just kiss all the time? WOW.. I am freaked out by this.. I cannot imagine the feelings you are feeling.. Keep us posted.. and really push for him to talk to her.. As there whole relationship is not normal.. Best of luck..

sheila's picture

for your input. Sometimes i feel like i am going crazy with all of this and felt for a long time like iwas overreacting. This past weekend, i mentioned this situation to b/f again. He was very receptiive this time and the conversation only lasted a couple minutes, but i think he's aware of a few more things. I am fortunate that i am able to talk with one of his friends about this and he "goes to bat" for me when the opportunity comes up. He too mentioned what you said Happy, about social services. I think that is an eye opener for b/f. Like biodad said too, i agree that i don't think he was even aware of things being odd until it was brought to his attention. He has changed his behavior quite a bit with her but i do not know if he actually has talked with her about this. I don't think he has, as she continues to seek out this unusual contact. As far as a female that can talk to her about this, i know of no one. I will not confront her as I know it will blow up in my face. I make a point of not saying anything to her outside his presence as she makes a point of twisting things when she runs back to him. She did have a b/f, without her dad's knowledge, but i don't know if she still sees this kid. I can't imagine any relationship lasting long for her because she is so self centered and cares about no one but herself. Not even another 17 yr old will put up with that for long. It helps so much to be able to come here and talk and get others viewpoints and suggestions. Thank you all for being here.