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Bio makes stepkids call their father so she can get on the phone

101Stepmom101's picture

Bio makes step kids call their father 3 times a day ~ at least. On their drive to school. After school on the drive home. Goodnight call.
This is so BIO can get on the phone with him.

There is rarely a call that doesn't end up with her talking to DH after the kids are done. I don't see how she has that much to say to him everyday... multiple times a day. I think she is just trying to stay relevant in his life and keep an emotional relationship with DH by using the kids to do so.

DH agrees it is her just hooking him and she has them call so BIO can get on the phone to talk with him.

How do I get this not to bother me. I think they can effectively co-parent without talking several times a day. He says it's always about the kids.. but she can make ANYTHING about the kids. I've asked him to speak to her once a day at goodnight call and hash out any details about their lives they need to discuss. He does it for a few days or a week ~ until BIO gets pissed and feels ignored and kicks and screams about not getting her attention fix. Then he goes back to answering her calls and texts. Then I get upset because he's giving her attention again. It's a vicious cycle.

Am I asking to much? I think they could co-parent without acting like they are still married and talking several times a day.

ESMOD's picture

My DH's EX would always have the kids call on speaker phone. He would just cut the call short when he could hear that. Kids learned to call when mom wasn't around.

stepmominflorida's picture

If he is aware of why she is doing it he can simply say, OK kids, I have to go, talk to you soon. Get off the phone before she gets on. Or when she gets on say, I've already talked to the kids so I'm going to go.

My kids step mom set up their dads phone that when I called his phone it rang hers, or if I texted him it went to her as well. Crazy as*

101Stepmom101's picture

My fear is he wants to and enjoys talking to her.
Sad

I can just hear it now in my head... "GOOD MORNING ~ HOW ARE YOU? I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY."
BLAH BLAH

She sent a picture of Step Daughter last week in the morning with
"I hope this makes you smile" text

101Stepmom101's picture

It's not her job to "make him smile" and just made me think she's either flirting and/or he told her he was sad... or something. IDK.. maybe just her trying to stir up trouble. Like usual...

DaniAM73's picture

I could be wrong about this but I think she is trying to break you two up. She is doing it to get under your skin.

For three years in a row DH's ex would text him "Happy Anniversary". The first year I was ready to rip DH's throat out because, well he was there. The second year, I texted her the number of the guy she cheated on him with and said perhaps he should know she still isn't over DH. That last year she did it I think we just ignored her. She eventually got the message.

BM's can be devious and annoying when they want to be.

101Stepmom101's picture

LOL

Oh she tries to get under my skin.

I don't think she wants him ~ but ~ she has always wanted what she can't have. She went after MANY married men during her marriage with my DH. He never deserved that. He is a good man. She would love to break us up and tries her hardest to say stay relevant in his life with no respect for our relationship or me.

stepmominflorida's picture

That pic shit would red flag me. Maybe he likes talking to her? Maybe he wishes they weren't ever divorced? Being on good terms for co parenting is great, but you can't overstep the boundaries especially when he has a wife already.

101Stepmom101's picture

And she has a husband. She has two more kids with the new guy since their divorce. (the guy she cheated on my DH with)
SO MOVE ON LADY!!! Leave mine and us alone...

IDK ~ if it was her just trying to stir the pot and upset me. I wouldn't put it past her. She is one evil B.

Dovina's picture

That's the part that irks me the most, when they are remarried. The BM in my case is all over SO like a bee to honey when her current DH is not around, and makes sure she marks her territory. Yet when her DH is around she either ignores SO or makes jabbing comments. Makes the dreaded dysfunctional family events so uncomfortable. Luckily SO just ignores her, and I just smile. LOL

101Stepmom101's picture

I questioned him about it... he just rolled his eyes like I'm over reacting. But, I've heard her say to him at pick up "How was THE REST of your day?"
Like she had already talked with him about the earlier part of his day.

AS I'M WAITING IN THE CAR for the kids to get in and for him to be back from having covo with her. She's rude and having a conversation with him about his day. He says she's just trying to be nice and be friendly. URM K...

hereiam's picture

The question isn't whether or not you are asking too much, the question is, why do you even have to ask?

He should be taking it upon himself to limit his conversations with her. If he knows she is using the kids calling as a way to talk to him, he needs to shut that down as soon as she gets on the phone.

BM over here used to start talking to DH about her personal life, which he did not give two f^cks about. I did not have to say a word to him (because I really didn't care, she's pathetic), he just told her that he would hang up on her if she changed the subject from their daughter to herself. She tested it, he hung up on her, the needless phone calls stopped.

101Stepmom101's picture

Thank you all for the advise. He makes me feel like I'm over reacting at times.

In the end it's HIM that needs to control the communication and HE has to want to do it for me and us.

strugglingSM's picture

Many counselors would say that if divorced parents feel the need to talk daily, one or both of them has not moved on from the relationship.

Maybe you should ask your DH if he's the one who hasn't moved on or if it's his ex wife.

I don't think it's uncommon for divorced parents to talk daily, but I do think it's more about not letting go than it is about the children.

When I met DH his ex was calling him daily, but rarely sharing any real information about the kids. She was mostly yelling at him, complaining about her life, or occasionally trying to flirt with him. DH was so used to it that he just took her calls out of obligation and maybe fear over her saying bad things to his kids. I pointed out to him that by taking her daily calls, he was continuing to provide an emotional outlet to her and maintaining pretty much the same relationship they had when they were still married. This was three years after their divorce and she was already remarried.

After I said that, and after I told him that I wasn't interested in being in a relationship with a guy who was still maintaining an emotional connection to another woman, he stopped talking to her. I think he was surprised by how much better he felt when he didn't have to listen to her complaints and abuse on a daily basis.

DaniAM73's picture

By no means are you asking too much. You have every right to feel bothered. My MIL even told DH to stop answering text and phone calls. In my situation SSons are old enough to communicate with DH without their mom as the go between. It's so bad in my situation that DH even gives a detailed report of his day. I had to tell him you two aren't married anymore. It worked for an hour and then his excuse was he doesn't want her blowing up his phone and,answered her text. Last time I checked cell phones have a wonderful feature that you can silence your phone.

My point is you have every right to feel bothered and DH needs to stop being manipulated. I know easier said than do.

101Stepmom101's picture

DH and I discussed and we came up with a solution of him contacting the children in the morning on their own devices (Ipads) to wish them a good morning. Problem Solved. Cut BioWhore out of the Morning communication. No need for him to talk to her every morning! She's not going to like that at all... Wink She might actually have to focus on the road instead of having someone to talk to on her drive to drop kids to school. Boo hoo

mommadukes2015's picture

My SO went over to SD's mom's house to visit with her for quite some time. There is no real reason other than BM & BM's parents baby the shiznit out of SD6.

Sometimes BM would be there, sometimes she wouldn't. SO would attend SD's t-ball games over the summer and would sit with BM & Family which sometimes included BM's boyfriend.

If your SO wanted to be with BM what do you think the benefit of being with you would be? A lot of problems are rooted in insecurity. The only way to fix that is work on yourself first.

101Stepmom101's picture

Bio called DH 12 times yesterday. She spoke to him 5 of the 12.
Plus they texted. I would call that harassment ~ not co-parenting.