Yes, I love my SD5 very much. I can't wait for her to grow up so we can go out shopping, get our nails and hair done, and all the stuff I would do with my future daughter, that i will be having in about 4 years with DH
There are differences because obviously she is not my daughter and I can't give her everything I would give my daughter (for instance, a tiffany engraved bracelet/necklace combo with the picture of her dad and me, and I can have a matching one) and mommy-daughter stuff like that.
Also, I cannot do whatever I want with her because she is not my child, I can't do her hair, or cut it or put her in ballet lessons or anything like that because she already has a mother.
SD5 is a really good kid and I think we will definitely have a good relationship. She has some lying issues going on as well as following instructions and stuff but overall, well behaved. I can assure you that in the future when i get a good job and all, if she is good to me, she will be able to get a LOT out of me, because I want her to be girly, and always have her hair done, and wear makeup, and have nice clothes and go out and have fun with friends, lol. So I will definitely buy (if I can) all of that for her.
The guess to sum it all up, my answer is : Yes, I love her very much and want nothing but the best for her, but is a conditional love. If she becomes bratty, mean and all that I would not want her to be around me. Let's say she is disrespectful to me when she is a teenager, I am not her mother, I don't have to put up with that, I would not want her around me at all, if DH does, I guess I'd just leave... lol
Absolutely love them with all my heart. After almost 10 years, I feel like they're kinda "mine" in some weird way. Not like MINE, mine, but "mine" all the same. Yep, I'm sure THAT makes sense. LOL I love them when they're being their best and I love them when I want to knock their heads together.
Makes perfect sense to me! SS is "mine". In my heart he is my son. Who's tag line is it that says "she grew in my heart, not in my belly"... or something like that?!?!? That is exactly how I feel.
No I do not. Most days I barely like her, but I respect that my dh loves her very much and I respect that they have a good relationship and for that reason I care about her welfare and her future.
She is not a bad kid, she has just been taught to emulate what I consider to be unfortunate behavior.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Absolutely! He is my Son and I am his Dad. When I asked his Mom to marry me, I agreed to be his Dad no matter what.
Not that being his Dad is not without it's challenges or periods where I want to strangle him (in a loving way).
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
No, I would say the word love is not quite how I would describe it...Maybe caring and empathizing, knowing what it feels like being young and powerless about what happens in your life. In other words I can feel her on an emotional level, yet I do not have the same bonding and deep "I would give my life for you" feeling that biological parent might feel.
This might offend some people, but for right now I have more "heart-string" moments with my cats. I find myself having to constantly detach, pull back and disengage in order to protect myself and respect her and my bf; this constant dance makes it difficult to establish a deeper connection for me.
But seriously, I do love them in my own way. It is not the unbridled, enthusiastic, throw yourself in front of a bus to save them kind of love that I have for my darling little nephew, but I do care for them deeply and definitely have their best interests at heart. I had such a hard time, early on, coming to terms with my complicated feelings about them, but now I have settled in an emotional place that I am comfortable with. I couldn't stand them at first and went through a phase where I actively hated them, but once I took the pressure off myself and didn't let anyone else pressure me either, I warmed up to them and genuinely bonded with them.
They both have pretty severe emotional and behavioral problems and are not easy kids to like or love. My husband loves them with all his heart and is a completely devoted dad and even he struggles with them because they are just so damn messed up. I was actually discussing this with my mom this past weekend to analyze them and try to figure out if their issues are mostly genetic or environmental (ye olde nature/nurture debate). The oldest has been officially diagnosed with Autism in the form of Asperger's and the youngest has something serious going on, but he hasn't been officially diagnosed. My mom is a psychologist and a counselor and although she can't ethically treat or diagnose him (conflict of interest), she unofficially, as his step-grandmother, has her own opinions about what is going on with him and thinks he probably has a form of OCD. I was diagnosed with Asperger's as a kid too and grew out of it with the help of counseling, so I understand and relate to my older skid and see where he's coming from a lot of the time. He is very awkward looking and gangly and unattractive and lisps, but he means well and is kind and loving with little kids and animals. When he's not irritating the hell out of me, I genuinely like him and get a huge kick out of some of the funny stuff he says. I am definitely his favorite parent and he confides in me rather than either of his bio parents. His social skills are his weakest spot and I am working with him a lot and he is improving by leaps and bounds. My younger skid is harder to like and his behavior and mental issues are becoming worse as he gets older. A lot of stuff wasn't noticeable before, but now it is way more obvious that he is very low intelligence and way behind developmentally. He is also not very nice as a person and is sulky, manipulative and depressing. His face is losing the cute toddler look that made him cuter and easier to look at and now his face is round and he has the same blank stare BM does and has his face in a perpetual frown. He's just a really ugly kid without many redeeming features. Hopefully he will improve as he gets older, but I just do not like his personality and I feel sorry for him that he is so stupid and lacking in talent and social skills. SS11 is ugly and awkward too, but at least he is a pretty nice kid and is more appealing because he cares and tries to be a good kid and is outgoing. SS5 just acts like he feels sorry for himself, he can't speak properly and learns about five times more slowly than other kids his age. No matter how irritating or repulsive they are to me though, I keep in mind that they have genetics against them (unfortunately they didn't inherit H's intelligence and wit) and resemble BM in a lot of ways. On top of just being genetic unfortunates, they also have their environment going against them. We try to provide them with the best environment possible and are raising them contentiously, they are strongly influenced by BM and have her horrible, trashy influence and an unstable home life when they are with her. So, yes, I do love them in a way, but it feels a lot like the love I felt for one of my child hood dogs that we rescued from an abusive family. He had been so abused and neglected that we almost had to put him to sleep, but I fought to keep him and worked with him for hours to get him to trust people and become friendly. He was always damaged and ran the risk of biting people he didn't like or trust, but in general he was great and I loved him a lot.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde
i would have to say that NO i dont love them. its really sad and i feel ashamed to admit it, but if i were to split up w/their dad, i wouldnt miss them what so ever. it would actually be a big load off my back and an instant pressure reliever. you know, in my situation being a step mom has been nothing but a battle. everyday is like an awkward, challenging, questionable day with them. i think my own bitterness about how much pain, anxiety, and heartache my situation has caused me has really lead to this huge wall i have put up to protect my own feelings.
I do love SD9, not like she was my own, though. It's more like a love that I'd have for a niece. But, she doesn't love me like a mother either.
One thing I've been thinking about lately and that others have brought up is the double standard that we're supposed to love our skids like our own but they don't even have to like us... what's up with that?
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
you hit the nail on the head when you said " the double standard that we're supposed to love our skids like our own but they don't even have to like us" It is sooo real"
Our family, friends and society expect us to love this "child' unconditionally, as if he/she was our own. But it is OK for the child to NOT even consider the stepparent as part of the family and even hate him/her to an extent.
My case is not that extreme, but DH has shown to get somewhat upset upon me expressing how I feel about SD5 because I have mentioned that I do not have the same feeling for her as for my son(2) and if one day I want to go out with my son and not her, it is ok, because he is MY SON. He now understands, but the thing is that it was ok for SD5 not to consider me her mother, but yet I had to consider her my daughter? Sorry, it doesn't work like that.
I care about their well being. But I dont love them yet. This is why:
To love anyone who is not biological to you ( mother , father siblings), takes time. I never instantly loved my husband or my inlaws. So why should I be expected to love my step kids instantly? Because their kids?
I have not had the chance or opportunity to spend a lot of time with them at once. It's going to take time, it's going to take me to grow more, to become more wise and more experienced.
But I think its stupid for anyone to expect anyone to love just because they are kids. Kids can be little terrorists and very upsetting. And kids can cause very negative feelings in the household and within yourself, so it takes a lot to even like the little buggers from time to time. Like they say love grows and loving step kids is no exception. If you force yourself to love skids...its not real, and if you dont feel love for them right away, your putting pressure on yourself for something thats not natural at that time. Just my opinion!!!
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore
It is one of the top questions in a blended family because it is a sore issue with a lot of bioparents who expect sparents to love their children and allow those children to treat them badly.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
A very relevant question IMO. That is one of the biggest challanges of being a step parent. Loving kids that aren't ours... the topic of many many blogs on this site.
I love my SD6! She is an amazing little girl who deserves the best in the world. When her dad and I first got together, I wasn't really sure if I would...could...should love her like my own, but over time (4.5 years together), I've come to a realization. I would rather fight to have sole custody of her than let her spend one more waking second with her deadbeat, lazy, selfish mom. Once I realized that, I realized I loved her like my own. ...that's not to say though, that she doesn't drive me up the wall sometimes when she's acting bratty or wrapping her dad even farther around her finger. I think every kid does that though, so I can't hold it against her becasue she's not my "blood".
I can tell you that I really do love my Skids, SD included.. But I don't alway like my SD... And unfortunately the BM bad mouths me when she has not gotten her way over the last 12 years... It is only since my SD went back at 18 to live with BM that we have had problems with her she is now the Magic #21. Bad age I thought 16 was the worst...
If we don't agree to for example pay for braces for the 2nd time in her life. Or she does something both my DH and I disagree with I, not he is the bad guy.... Since my own son now 34 did not have a father around his father left when my son was 6 weeks old and I saw him to sign divorce papers when my son was 2. Other than that we never saw or heard from him.. So I don't know if it is normal for the child to blame one or the other if they don't get their way. I would assume that it is.. But it does hurt that it is always me.
I don't like my BIO kids sometimes, that is to say I don't like their actions at times, their attitude, their ungratefulness. But I LOVE them more than life itself, just as I do SS. Kids will be kids. I have 3 pretty good kids in all actuallity, but I still don't like the things they do sometimes! And it hurts me when they act that way. Because I know that THEY know better! Ugh... parenting, who's idea was this anyways?
No don't love, don't even like most of the times. Shameful I know, but the truth. Not sure I ever will see him anything more than a burden, but that being said I hope one day I can say that I love him (that would be great!) Of course I hope he is always safe & protected, just like I pray for the safety of all children. Totally cracked me up "In a way, but I love my cats way, way more..." SOOOO true for me as well!!!
Cant say that I do. I agree with what others said that I try to respect that my SO obviously loves her and I hope for her well being. That being said she is very much stubborn and spoiled and that’s on BD and my SO. I’m starting to give up trying to help change her behavior for the better.
My skids are aged SD age 38 and SS age 36. The skids lost their mother this past spring. DH's ex was caring for the SS like he was a child! He has not worked in over 10 years and she supported him like he was a school age child. When her money would hit the bank SS would go off on a bender for days. When DH's ex died SS didn't know his mother was dead for 2 days because he was off getting high! The SD, wait for it, has married the man who almost shot her and her son in a fit of rage! He was a felon in possession of a firearm and she did everything to keep him out of jail and has lost custody of her three minor children. We had two of her children and the father of the youngest was awarded given custody of his son. The 15 year old step granddaughter was a horror show. Instead of going to school her boyfriend would Uber to our house and they would have sex and she got pregnant. The boyfriend's mother (who I never met) came to our house to deliver, no pun intended, the news that granddaughter was pregnant. Step GD gave me attitude, eye rolls and touge smacking! I call the social worker and told her that GD had to go and I reminded the social worker, guardian ad litem and the children attorney that DH is not the person to raise anyone's children. GD was manipulative and my DH and GD acted like I was merely here to support them. DH and GD learned the hard lesson that I rule my home and what I say goes or I will make everyone's life miserable.
DHs eldest GD tried me and caused her grandfather to get a #1 cuss out becuade she thought I had a place and that I didn't stay in my place!
SD, mother of DHs grands, who didn't have the proverbial pot tried to complain about my movements in my own home! DH got the business from me for 2 solid hours and SD was moving out of our house 5 days later!
SS was homeless once and was sleeping wherever he could. He stayed with us for one month around 2005 and proceeded to #1 not work, #2 sleep all day, #3 talk loudly on his cell phone all night and #4 drink every ounce of liquor in the house and replace it with water. SS was not allowed to stay in our house when we went to work. One morning I told my husband that his son was not to return to my house (it was my house at the time).
I know my husband loves his kids and grandkids but I can not and will not be their door mat like he is.
There is one grandkid that I didn't mention. The 15 year old grandson. Yes, there are 15 year old twins. One girl and one boy. The 15 year old grandson is a gem. He's smart and is enrolled in a talented and gifted program in school. He maintains a 3.8-4.0 GPA and he's into extracurricular activities. He's planning for college and we engage each other in meaningful conversations. This young man is here only because the gun that was pointed point blank at him misfired! He does not want to live with his mother and has minimal visitations with SD.
loving their father. My aunt used to always say, "A chicken can't raise a duck." It's the truth. It's engrained in us, and who we are.
Adult offspring (one in particular who is pushing 50) have been so vile and nasty, through no fault of my own. She doesn't love herself , which is the first necessary trait to love others. So perhaps that's why she's like a venemous snake. I have tried, and went into this wholeheartedly. I wanted to love what DH loved, and waht found him joy, however, DH's private convos with her and their back and forth has created such a misery of triangulated enmeshment that I'd never wish to be thrust upon my worst enemy.
What the heck, this thread has been raised from the dead (2010!) so I'll keep it going, too!
I.....do not love my step children. But, if they were trapped in a burning building, I'd make sure my children were out first, and then I'd run back in and get them. I do care for them- I feel bad if they feel bad, I am genuinely happy when something good happens for them, I make sure they have what they want/need, and that they have as good of a life as I can give them.
However, as someone else posted earlier (and several years ago!), if I actually went through with leaving their father, I would not miss them in my life. I don't have the same patience, unfiltered love or compassion for them as I do my own, and I do not care for the people they are becoming- they have a lot of external influence, and their own unique personalities, and I cannot find a common bond with either one of them.
Oh well, I truly believe that we can't make anyone fall in love with someone else, and I guess I'm proof of that. I also truly believe, from their actions and our vibes, that they don't love me either. We have been a "family" for almost 9 years, but we are basically connected because my partner/their father = the same person!
Yes, I love my SD5 very
Yes, I love my SD5 very much. I can't wait for her to grow up so we can go out shopping, get our nails and hair done, and all the stuff I would do with my future daughter, that i will be having in about 4 years with DH
There are differences because obviously she is not my daughter and I can't give her everything I would give my daughter (for instance, a tiffany engraved bracelet/necklace combo with the picture of her dad and me, and I can have a matching one) and mommy-daughter stuff like that.
Also, I cannot do whatever I want with her because she is not my child, I can't do her hair, or cut it or put her in ballet lessons or anything like that because she already has a mother.
SD5 is a really good kid and I think we will definitely have a good relationship. She has some lying issues going on as well as following instructions and stuff but overall, well behaved. I can assure you that in the future when i get a good job and all, if she is good to me, she will be able to get a LOT out of me, because I want her to be girly, and always have her hair done, and wear makeup, and have nice clothes and go out and have fun with friends, lol. So I will definitely buy (if I can) all of that for her.
The guess to sum it all up, my answer is : Yes, I love her very much and want nothing but the best for her, but is a conditional love. If she becomes bratty, mean and all that I would not want her to be around me. Let's say she is disrespectful to me when she is a teenager, I am not her mother, I don't have to put up with that, I would not want her around me at all, if DH does, I guess I'd just leave... lol
No I do not love her. I
No I do not love her. I don't like her either. That being said, I deeply care about her welfare.
Very very much so. What's
Very very much so. What's not to love? He is a great little boy, and I am blessed to have him in my life!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Absolutely love them with
Absolutely love them with all my heart. After almost 10 years, I feel like they're kinda "mine" in some weird way. Not like MINE, mine, but "mine" all the same. Yep, I'm sure THAT makes sense. LOL I love them when they're being their best and I love them when I want to knock their heads together.
Makes perfect sense to me!
Makes perfect sense to me! SS is "mine". In my heart he is my son. Who's tag line is it that says "she grew in my heart, not in my belly"... or something like that?!?!? That is exactly how I feel.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
No I do not. Most days I
No I do not. Most days I barely like her, but I respect that my dh loves her very much and I respect that they have a good relationship and for that reason I care about her welfare and her future.
She is not a bad kid, she has just been taught to emulate what I consider to be unfortunate behavior.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Absolutely! He is my Son
Absolutely! He is my Son and I am his Dad. When I asked his Mom to marry me, I agreed to be his Dad no matter what.
Not that being his Dad is not without it's challenges or periods where I want to strangle him (in a loving way).
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
I love but do not like,
I love but do not like,
No, I would say the word
No, I would say the word love is not quite how I would describe it...Maybe caring and empathizing, knowing what it feels like being young and powerless about what happens in your life. In other words I can feel her on an emotional level, yet I do not have the same bonding and deep "I would give my life for you" feeling that biological parent might feel.
This might offend some people, but for right now I have more "heart-string" moments with my cats. I find myself having to constantly detach, pull back and disengage in order to protect myself and respect her and my bf; this constant dance makes it difficult to establish a deeper connection for me.
In a way, but I love my cats
In a way, but I love my cats way, way more...
But seriously, I do love them in my own way. It is not the unbridled, enthusiastic, throw yourself in front of a bus to save them kind of love that I have for my darling little nephew, but I do care for them deeply and definitely have their best interests at heart. I had such a hard time, early on, coming to terms with my complicated feelings about them, but now I have settled in an emotional place that I am comfortable with. I couldn't stand them at first and went through a phase where I actively hated them, but once I took the pressure off myself and didn't let anyone else pressure me either, I warmed up to them and genuinely bonded with them.
They both have pretty severe emotional and behavioral problems and are not easy kids to like or love. My husband loves them with all his heart and is a completely devoted dad and even he struggles with them because they are just so damn messed up. I was actually discussing this with my mom this past weekend to analyze them and try to figure out if their issues are mostly genetic or environmental (ye olde nature/nurture debate). The oldest has been officially diagnosed with Autism in the form of Asperger's and the youngest has something serious going on, but he hasn't been officially diagnosed. My mom is a psychologist and a counselor and although she can't ethically treat or diagnose him (conflict of interest), she unofficially, as his step-grandmother, has her own opinions about what is going on with him and thinks he probably has a form of OCD. I was diagnosed with Asperger's as a kid too and grew out of it with the help of counseling, so I understand and relate to my older skid and see where he's coming from a lot of the time. He is very awkward looking and gangly and unattractive and lisps, but he means well and is kind and loving with little kids and animals. When he's not irritating the hell out of me, I genuinely like him and get a huge kick out of some of the funny stuff he says. I am definitely his favorite parent and he confides in me rather than either of his bio parents. His social skills are his weakest spot and I am working with him a lot and he is improving by leaps and bounds. My younger skid is harder to like and his behavior and mental issues are becoming worse as he gets older. A lot of stuff wasn't noticeable before, but now it is way more obvious that he is very low intelligence and way behind developmentally. He is also not very nice as a person and is sulky, manipulative and depressing. His face is losing the cute toddler look that made him cuter and easier to look at and now his face is round and he has the same blank stare BM does and has his face in a perpetual frown. He's just a really ugly kid without many redeeming features. Hopefully he will improve as he gets older, but I just do not like his personality and I feel sorry for him that he is so stupid and lacking in talent and social skills. SS11 is ugly and awkward too, but at least he is a pretty nice kid and is more appealing because he cares and tries to be a good kid and is outgoing. SS5 just acts like he feels sorry for himself, he can't speak properly and learns about five times more slowly than other kids his age. No matter how irritating or repulsive they are to me though, I keep in mind that they have genetics against them (unfortunately they didn't inherit H's intelligence and wit) and resemble BM in a lot of ways. On top of just being genetic unfortunates, they also have their environment going against them. We try to provide them with the best environment possible and are raising them contentiously, they are strongly influenced by BM and have her horrible, trashy influence and an unstable home life when they are with her. So, yes, I do love them in a way, but it feels a lot like the love I felt for one of my child hood dogs that we rescued from an abusive family. He had been so abused and neglected that we almost had to put him to sleep, but I fought to keep him and worked with him for hours to get him to trust people and become friendly. He was always damaged and ran the risk of biting people he didn't like or trust, but in general he was great and I loved him a lot.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde
i would have to say that NO
i would have to say that NO i dont love them. its really sad and i feel ashamed to admit it, but if i were to split up w/their dad, i wouldnt miss them what so ever. it would actually be a big load off my back and an instant pressure reliever. you know, in my situation being a step mom has been nothing but a battle. everyday is like an awkward, challenging, questionable day with them. i think my own bitterness about how much pain, anxiety, and heartache my situation has caused me has really lead to this huge wall i have put up to protect my own feelings.
How are you putting up? You
How are you holding up? You words describe the exact situation I'm in. Has it changed for you in any direction? Hopefully for the better.
I do love SD9, not like she
I do love SD9, not like she was my own, though. It's more like a love that I'd have for a niece. But, she doesn't love me like a mother either.
One thing I've been thinking about lately and that others have brought up is the double standard that we're supposed to love our skids like our own but they don't even have to like us... what's up with that?
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
you hit the nail on the head
you hit the nail on the head when you said " the double standard that we're supposed to love our skids like our own but they don't even have to like us" It is sooo real"
Our family, friends and society expect us to love this "child' unconditionally, as if he/she was our own. But it is OK for the child to NOT even consider the stepparent as part of the family and even hate him/her to an extent.
My case is not that extreme, but DH has shown to get somewhat upset upon me expressing how I feel about SD5 because I have mentioned that I do not have the same feeling for her as for my son(2) and if one day I want to go out with my son and not her, it is ok, because he is MY SON. He now understands, but the thing is that it was ok for SD5 not to consider me her mother, but yet I had to consider her my daughter? Sorry, it doesn't work like that.
I care about their well
I care about their well being. But I dont love them yet. This is why:
To love anyone who is not biological to you ( mother , father siblings), takes time. I never instantly loved my husband or my inlaws. So why should I be expected to love my step kids instantly? Because their kids?
I have not had the chance or opportunity to spend a lot of time with them at once. It's going to take time, it's going to take me to grow more, to become more wise and more experienced.
But I think its stupid for anyone to expect anyone to love just because they are kids. Kids can be little terrorists and very upsetting. And kids can cause very negative feelings in the household and within yourself, so it takes a lot to even like the little buggers from time to time. Like they say love grows and loving step kids is no exception. If you force yourself to love skids...its not real, and if you dont feel love for them right away, your putting pressure on yourself for something thats not natural at that time. Just my opinion!!!
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore
But it's obviously the
But it's obviously the biggest question for the blogger.
StepChicka, I agree with you
StepChicka, I agree with you there,, And I did think it was a very good question myself....
It is one of the top
It is one of the top questions in a blended family because it is a sore issue with a lot of bioparents who expect sparents to love their children and allow those children to treat them badly.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
A very relevant question
A very relevant question IMO. That is one of the biggest challanges of being a step parent. Loving kids that aren't ours... the topic of many many blogs on this site.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Do I love my SD? Yes I do
Do I love my SD? Yes I do which means she givess me the same frustrations as my own kids...lol
I love my SD6! She is an
I love my SD6! She is an amazing little girl who deserves the best in the world. When her dad and I first got together, I wasn't really sure if I would...could...should love her like my own, but over time (4.5 years together), I've come to a realization. I would rather fight to have sole custody of her than let her spend one more waking second with her deadbeat, lazy, selfish mom. Once I realized that, I realized I loved her like my own. ...that's not to say though, that she doesn't drive me up the wall sometimes when she's acting bratty or wrapping her dad even farther around her finger.
I think every kid does that though, so I can't hold it against her becasue she's not my "blood".
I can tell you that I really
I can tell you that I really do love my Skids, SD included.. But I don't alway like my SD... And unfortunately the BM bad mouths me when she has not gotten her way over the last 12 years... It is only since my SD went back at 18 to live with BM that we have had problems with her she is now the Magic #21. Bad age I thought 16 was the worst...
If we don't agree to for example pay for braces for the 2nd time in her life. Or she does something both my DH and I disagree with I, not he is the bad guy.... Since my own son now 34 did not have a father around his father left when my son was 6 weeks old and I saw him to sign divorce papers when my son was 2. Other than that we never saw or heard from him.. So I don't know if it is normal for the child to blame one or the other if they don't get their way. I would assume that it is.. But it does hurt that it is always me.
I don't like my BIO kids
I don't like my BIO kids sometimes, that is to say I don't like their actions at times, their attitude, their ungratefulness. But I LOVE them more than life itself, just as I do SS. Kids will be kids. I have 3 pretty good kids in all actuallity, but I still don't like the things they do sometimes! And it hurts me when they act that way. Because I know that THEY know better! Ugh... parenting, who's idea was this anyways?
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
No don't love, don't even
No don't love, don't even like most of the times. Shameful I know, but the truth. Not sure I ever will see him anything more than a burden, but that being said I hope one day I can say that I love him (that would be great!) Of course I hope he is always safe & protected, just like I pray for the safety of all children. Totally cracked me up "In a way, but I love my cats way, way more..." SOOOO true for me as well!!!
No, not at all.
No, not at all.
Nope
Cant say that I do. I agree with what others said that I try to respect that my SO obviously loves her and I hope for her well being. That being said she is very much stubborn and spoiled and that’s on BD and my SO. I’m starting to give up trying to help change her behavior for the better.
Absolutely not
My skids are aged SD age 38 and SS age 36. The skids lost their mother this past spring. DH's ex was caring for the SS like he was a child! He has not worked in over 10 years and she supported him like he was a school age child. When her money would hit the bank SS would go off on a bender for days. When DH's ex died SS didn't know his mother was dead for 2 days because he was off getting high! The SD, wait for it, has married the man who almost shot her and her son in a fit of rage! He was a felon in possession of a firearm and she did everything to keep him out of jail and has lost custody of her three minor children. We had two of her children and the father of the youngest was awarded given custody of his son. The 15 year old step granddaughter was a horror show. Instead of going to school her boyfriend would Uber to our house and they would have sex and she got pregnant. The boyfriend's mother (who I never met) came to our house to deliver, no pun intended, the news that granddaughter was pregnant. Step GD gave me attitude, eye rolls and touge smacking! I call the social worker and told her that GD had to go and I reminded the social worker, guardian ad litem and the children attorney that DH is not the person to raise anyone's children. GD was manipulative and my DH and GD acted like I was merely here to support them. DH and GD learned the hard lesson that I rule my home and what I say goes or I will make everyone's life miserable.
DHs eldest GD tried me and caused her grandfather to get a #1 cuss out becuade she thought I had a place and that I didn't stay in my place!
SD, mother of DHs grands, who didn't have the proverbial pot tried to complain about my movements in my own home! DH got the business from me for 2 solid hours and SD was moving out of our house 5 days later!
SS was homeless once and was sleeping wherever he could. He stayed with us for one month around 2005 and proceeded to #1 not work, #2 sleep all day, #3 talk loudly on his cell phone all night and #4 drink every ounce of liquor in the house and replace it with water. SS was not allowed to stay in our house when we went to work. One morning I told my husband that his son was not to return to my house (it was my house at the time).
I know my husband loves his kids and grandkids but I can not and will not be their door mat like he is.
There is one grandkid that I didn't mention. The 15 year old grandson. Yes, there are 15 year old twins. One girl and one boy. The 15 year old grandson is a gem. He's smart and is enrolled in a talented and gifted program in school. He maintains a 3.8-4.0 GPA and he's into extracurricular activities. He's planning for college and we engage each other in meaningful conversations. This young man is here only because the gun that was pointed point blank at him misfired! He does not want to live with his mother and has minimal visitations with SD.
I don't even like the little b@$tards....
Never mind love them.
NO! They are adults, and loving them is not a pre-requisite to
loving their father. My aunt used to always say, "A chicken can't raise a duck." It's the truth. It's engrained in us, and who we are.
Adult offspring (one in particular who is pushing 50) have been so vile and nasty, through no fault of my own. She doesn't love herself , which is the first necessary trait to love others. So perhaps that's why she's like a venemous snake. I have tried, and went into this wholeheartedly. I wanted to love what DH loved, and waht found him joy, however, DH's private convos with her and their back and forth has created such a misery of triangulated enmeshment that I'd never wish to be thrust upon my worst enemy.
So, in a word NO!
What the heck, this thread
What the heck, this thread has been raised from the dead (2010!) so I'll keep it going, too!
I.....do not love my step children. But, if they were trapped in a burning building, I'd make sure my children were out first, and then I'd run back in and get them. I do care for them- I feel bad if they feel bad, I am genuinely happy when something good happens for them, I make sure they have what they want/need, and that they have as good of a life as I can give them.
However, as someone else posted earlier (and several years ago!), if I actually went through with leaving their father, I would not miss them in my life. I don't have the same patience, unfiltered love or compassion for them as I do my own, and I do not care for the people they are becoming- they have a lot of external influence, and their own unique personalities, and I cannot find a common bond with either one of them.
Oh well, I truly believe that we can't make anyone fall in love with someone else, and I guess I'm proof of that. I also truly believe, from their actions and our vibes, that they don't love me either. We have been a "family" for almost 9 years, but we are basically connected because my partner/their father = the same person!