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The best way to deal with conflict?

caitlinj's picture

I find whenever I approach my boyfriend about something that concerns me he either gets angry with me but it eventually blows over or he will do something like take a trip out of town with his kids or do an activity with hsi kids and not include me, which doesnt bother me like it used to, I atcually anjoy the free time although I feel lonely to be abandoned by my significant other emotionally and this is not good. I had come to the conclusion a while ago that my boyfriend whom I love dearly has many great qualities however he is very immature for his age escially when dealing with conflict. How do I get this to change as I have many concerns about us and issues such as parenting, etc that we do not agree on.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You can't change another person. That's what causes a lot of women a lot of unhappiness - thinking they can change aspects of their partner's personality.

Life is hard, and steplife is much, much harder. It's basically problems and solutions, every day. So if you're recognizing serious character defects now, in a guy who has some serious baggage, good for you! Maybe his immaturity and poor communication skills helped torpedo his previous relationships, too.

Onward and upward, Caitlin!

ndc's picture

In this particular case, I'd suggest counseling.  I think you and your BF are on different planets as far as this relationship goes, and I would hope a professional counselor could either get you into the same orbit or get you to see that you need to move on.

Eastfacingwindow's picture

Like ExJ said you are ahead of the game for recognizing that this doesn’t feel good. You don’t want to live the rest of your life like that.

Kes's picture

I am currently working on trying to get my DH to react differently when we have an argument.  Now and in the past, he goes into attack mode (verbally) and just tries to score points rather than working with me to try and resolve the issue at hand.  I find this tiresome and childish.  His other trick is slamming off into his office which is similarly tiresome and childish.  It's a slow process trying to get him to see that this is not productive, but he is starting to.  

Like you I used to feel lonely when he did stuff with his kids, but that has now stopped.  I won't tolerate that any more now that they are in their 20s!  

If your man won't even try to change you will just feel lonelier and angrier as time goes on.  Not a good way to live. 


hereiam's picture

Your boyfriend is immature in A LOT of ways. And selfish.

He's a momma's boy, he can't handle his own finances, and can't handle grown up discussions. He's not affectionate and never makes you a priority.

I'm having a hard time understanding what you are getting out of this relatinship, and why you are trying so hard to hold on to it, when it's obviously not working.

Rags's picture

This seems to be the precursor to the usual. An amazing man who the OP is madly in love with.... who isn't so perfect after all.

Why do people insist on remaining in relationships with people they are trying so hard to change?


Not to be hard on you caitlinj. But this is a fairly common scenerio on STalk.  I hope you can navigate through this effectively and that  your BF can step up to be the man you want him to be.  But please, don't wait too long for that to happen.


Take care of you.