Being put under pressure
Forums:
Does anyone else get pressured to develop feelings for there stepchildren that they don't have? I have only known mine for 6 months, and get made to feel like I'm a nasty person for not loving them like a mum. Would like to add we aren't actually married, but have one of our own on the way!
He's a nasty person for
He's a nasty person for expecting you to love any child like a mother, except for your own.
Feelings
For a long long time he didn't seem to understand the fact I had no maternal instincts towards them. And even when they were poorly I would actively avoid them, being pregnant was the main reason, just never seemed to understand and still doesn't to a degree.
They all want they
They all want that " Happy Family " They did not have it with the ex the other parent. But think you are going to just fill in on all the thing they missed by marriage the wrong person. They don't want to blame them selves so they will start blaming you. Don't get trapped in this
Staying?
If you want to stay in this partnership start placing boundaries now. There is absolutely no reason why you should feel 'maternal' to the skids. Let DH know that the more he 'orders' you BE maternal, the less you will have a desire to be. As far as those boundaries: Make a list of everything you want in a relationship and a husband. For instance, the marriage has top priority, DH presents a united couple to the skids and supports you in the equal role as his wife. Believe me - it is easier to do it now - BEFORE you get married and have to work on damage control.
Likely, this will not get
Likely, this will not get better. You are only 6mo in, not much time (or hopefully money) invested yet.
My advice? Move on to someone more compatible.
Dont feel that way
Life is short make yourself happy first. These step monsters are forced upon us
Add in
Weekend vacations alone or with bio only. No SK. One vacation a year with bio kid only. Somewhere where bio can have fun as time goes on
IMHO it takes a very special
IMHO it takes a very special type of person to love the child of someone else as your own. That does not mean that those who can't or don't are bad people.
Sparents have the most difficult role in all of human existence. The incessant strain of Sparenting makes it even less likely for a SParent to love their Skid(s) as their own than the the rare person who can love an adopted child as their own. Adopting is a choice, Sparenting rarely is a choice when advancing a relationship with a prior relationship breeder. SParenting tends to be a slap in the face once a relationship has moved to a status of commitment.
Do not Beat yourself up over this. Your DH needs to look at his parenting of his prior relationship children objectively and change how he parents. Maybe then his children will earn your love. Until this happens, don't worry about it. Adress their behaviors and keep your feelings insulated.
Bears Repeating
SParenting tends to be a slap in the face once a relationship has moved to a status of commitment
Well said, Rags.