Behavioral Disorder or Brat?
I get that there are kids with serious issues out there, but it seems like alot of them are also just the product of crappy parenting. Although out of my life for the present (thank goodness), I have been thinking back on all the issues with SS13. When I met DH, SS13 was 11 and was literally running the show. He would routinely absolutely LOSE his mind and scream obscenities, call the other parent to "tattle" and scream, bang doors, etc. for hours on end whenever he was upset or didn't get his way. BM had DH convinced that it was "bi-polar" disorder that needed to be treated with drug cocktails that seemed to change about 10 times. After about six months of watching this, I quietly asked DH to watch SS11 around other people, including me. He NEVER acted this way, was usually fine to get along with, smart, and funny. He ONLY did this with DH and BM. Once DH acknowledged this and started calmly telling SS13 that he would hang up/send him home, etc. if there was any yelling or name calling and actually followed through, it was like night and day for us, at least while we are around (he is a two faced little brat). Not for BM however, he continues to act this way with her CONSTANTLY and she continues to pump him full of meds. Her reasoning is that he can act himself with her because he knows that she loves him unconditionally and thats why he acts that way with her- huh?
I realize that I am not a doctor, but the kid is involved in NOTHING. No sports, activities, and has very few friends as an outlet. He spends almost all of his time on the couch watching the Kardashians, Pregnant Teen Mom, or Jersey Shore. Maybe take away his TV for an afternoon when he screams cusswords at his mom or put him in track and field to get out some energy? Am I crazy here or is "bi-polar" and "behavior disorder" just another word for "little shit" nowadays?
P.S. he is learning consequences through me at this point. He called me the "c" word to his dad twice and so he is no longer allowed at my house for 8 months and then after that only if we can talk civilly. That assumes DH and I even continue in any kind of relationship - the divorce is almost final. We'll see.
Yep - BM's family is a bunch
Yep - BM's family is a bunch of lunatics so it definately is in his genes. However, if it was uncontrollable, then how is he able to control himself around everyone except BM and DH and now just BM once DH put his foot down?
He sounds like a brat. I'm
He sounds like a brat. I'm surprised he hasn't been "diagnosed" with Autism - that seems to be the go to thing these days.
It can be SO hard to tell
It can be SO hard to tell what is happening in these kinds of situations. From what you said, your SS is aware of what he is doing. But, like the other poster said, the doctor is the one who needs to make the final decision, and often, they even disagree. The fact that BM is putting all these meds into her son is SCARY. She could be creating a problem(s) in doing that.
This child is in for a tough road with BM acting like this, and allowing him to live and act like this. He will never get better or change unless SHE changes-majorly!
What is he like in school?
I feel for you, and you have every right to establish consequences and rules. My adult steps are not allowed in my home, so I understand. They are the result of BM's horrendous parenting, and lack of morals and values.
Sounds like it has taken such a huge toll on you and DH, but YOU have to what is best for you.
I agree - DH is really
I agree - DH is really concerned about it too. The combinations seem to constantly change and its always pretty intense meds like Wellburtrin mixed with something else.
He was getting all F's in school - which is almost funny since BM works part time and is on the school booster club. Thats her selfish, look at me, attitude in play. Look how INVOLVED I am and how much I VOLUNTEER, but my own kid is failing 7th grade. What concerns me is that he has no male friends that I know of and only a few girls that he occasionally spends time with. He seems to be very isolated and not get along well with others.
The funny part is that he and I used to really like each other. He and his sister used to come over and spend the weekend with me even when DH wasn't here. We'd all curl up together and watch movies, cook, shop, etc. I was one of very few people that he really liked. And then BM decided she hated me, got him involved in every discussion, problem, and action she had with DH and it all hit the fan. He still wants to come over, but I've made it clear that there is no unconditional, treat me however you want, and then be accepted back in the house with open arms policy here. You want to alternate screaming about how I am the "c" word and DH better divorce me and then try to come over and have a fun little vacation in my house? Not happening. He doesn't have to like me, but he will be respectful and if he wants to be nasty, DH can visit him in his town. Not here.
What ticks me off most of all is that DH and I have a very solid "no talking about or badmouthing BM" policy in front of the skids. I have NEVER said anything bad about her to him and he admits that. However, I will no longer take crap off BM and let her have it if she wants to get nasty. She then tells him all about it and gets him totally emotional and upset to get back at us. Who does that if the kid is bipolar - actually who does that at all? Leave the kids out of it.