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anonymous1306's picture

If you have a partner and you both have kids, do you expect your partner to babysit your child as though it's their own? My other half offered to work saturday morning, in which case he asked his mum to have his daughter for the night before (he leaves at 4am) and until he came back from work. He now texts me asking can his mum drop her off to me at 2 (bearing in mind i have my daughter 12/14 days and i wanted to spend some time with just my daughter this saturday morning/afternoon) and that he won't be long after. My reply was 'as long as you aren't long' (this is purely because he used to ask me to look after her for an hour and then be 3 - something i called him out for very soon into our relationship). The reason i dont particularly want to have his daughter is because her behaviour and attitude is disgusting and i won't tolerate it. He'll offer to have my daughter fairly often however i know that this is because she's a distraction for his daughter as she is extremely well behaved and will do as she's told without being told twice. If you ask his daughter to do anything, you get a NO and a tantrum. We've just had his daughter solidly for a week as her mum is ill, and he had to work from home so why had he planned to go into work when he can finally spend some time with her? We normally only have her every other weekend and a few nights during the week for tea. If she was well behaved i would have no problem having her at all, but i spend most of the time arguing with her and she spends majority of the time on the naughty step as my tolerance for bad behaviour is zero just as it was with my daughter and it paid off. Does it make me a bad partner for not particularly wanting to babysit his daughter when we should be a team? But then why plan to go into work when it's your weekend for your daughter?

tog redux's picture

My guess is that he went in to work because he doesn't particularly want to deal with his daughter, either - and no, you aren't wrong to refuse to watch a poorly behaved child; nor are you wrong for wanting to spend some alone time with your daughter.

He agrees to watch your daughter because she's well-behaved and entertains his daughter, so he doesn't have to parent.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

My SO would do this too. Agree to watch his brother's kid. It made my SO look good to watch the  nephew, but it also helped because the nephew was better behaved than SO's son and like in this situation, provided a distraction for the son so SO didn't have to deal with him.

If OP's DH is using the fact that he watches her daughter to guilt her into watching his poorly behaved one, he is being manipulative. It is basicaly punishing her for teaching her own child to behave. It's a win-win for him and a lose-lose for her. 

anonymous1306's picture

I couldn't agree with this more! I then feel guilty that i wouldnt necessarily return the favour even if he offered to do the same for me! Ive worked hard to discipline my daughter and it's paid off and I barely have to discipline her at all anymore.

Focused_onourlife's picture

No you are not wrong. This was my DH 20 something years ago for the DD27 he's now estranged from due to her behavior he finally realized after I removed myself from her existence and their relationship. Some of these DH's know their little poopsie's have behavior issues well before we do but choose to be in denial and hope the SM's will turn the blind eye and deaf ear like they do or do the heavy lifting for them while they get all the glory of being they best daddy. 'Eye roll'