Baby Steps backtracking
Well, I mentioned Friday that DH was taking baby steps as far as parenting SD15. However, he still doesn’t “get it”. He spent the weekend with SD15 because “they needed some time just the two of them”. Whatever. Anyway, this morning he says to me “SD really thinks you don’t like her at all. I mean, she really does think that”. My response was “She only thinks that because I don’t do things for her anymore or go to every single softball game. I still have conversations with her when she’s here”. What I really wanted to say is OMG, watch yourself, she can READ MINDS!!! Then I got to hear the “I hardly ever see you talk to her. I’m sure it doesn’t matter what I say because it won’t change anything anyway.” My response to that “I talk to her whenever she is here and deems it necessary to come out of her bedroom. I think you telling me that will change about as much around this house as me telling you for the past 7 years that I didn’t appreciate how you 1) let SD treat me and 2) made it obvious to SD that what I think/feel/say doesn’t matter by undermining me did”. WTF!!! So, I’m supposed to jump and kiss her ass because she thinks I don’t like her??? Uhm, NO.
And we know that 15-year-old
And we know that 15-year-old girls are never manipulative, especially with their fathers, right?
My SD is only 12, but last night, after I told her she couldn't have something, I heard the "Pleeeeeaase, Daddy," stuff coming from the kitchen. DH held firm - nope. DH and I have a rule of no TV during the day, but, of course, she marches up in front of me - "Daddy, can I watch TV tomorrow," while giving me the daggers because she thinks I came up with that on my own. Alas, her triumph was not to be because DH, twice in one day, kept to the plan.
Without being familiar with all of the specifics of your situation, it sounds like she doesn't really care whether you like her or not, she just wants your DH think you don't. And he's falling for it.
No - Why should you? That she
No - Why should you?
That she can read you r mind made me smile -- and she might be right - you don't like her. Why should StepMums automatically love a hormonal teenager... its difficult enough when they are bio's!!
Maybe you and she should sit down and use that as a start point with you saying ''I hear you think I don't like you" and get her to tell you directly all the reasons why that might be. Don't answer all the list or react to anything,,,,,,,but let her get it off her chest .... all of it -- and keep probing for more and you will be surprised what comes out. She will feel a lot better for venting and once it is all on the table you may be able to pick on 2 or 3 things that you can either both do or do individually to build a better relationship...... tell your husband that you need his full backing on this too
Here's an appropriate
Here's an appropriate answer:
"I'll like her a lot more when she's 18 and out the door."
Here's what I really don't
Here's what I really don't understand about dads...why they think they *know* their daughter better than a woman?!?! There are certain things that SD does that I clearly remember doing when I was her age, but DH thinks it's different for SD because (insert your choice of excuse - 1) she's only 9, 2) BM is BSC 3) she had a rough week....)
OMG yeah! This is what I keep
OMG yeah!
This is what I keep hearing lately!!
"I know my own kid, and she just wouldn't behave like that..."
(ummmm so ok, that means *I* am lying?)
She's not like that, I bought her up better and she doesn't behave that way...
She's such a sweet kid...
She's always happy, always smiling, she loves everyone...
She's so honest, she never lies...
She just wants everyone to be happy...
She would never do anything mean or hurtful..
She doesn't swear...
She's so innocent... (LMAO at this one) "She even asked me 'Dadddyyyyy.... what's a virgin?'" (three times now she has asked him that, with an attemped cutesy demure look - the first time I thought ok, innocent kid. The second time I was like WTF - you asked that 2 weeks ago? He didn't remember that... The third time I laughed in her face and said "your memory is really bad huh sd12?"
We have also had variations on the theme - Dadddyyyyyy what's an orgasm? Dadddyyyyyy, what's a wet dream? Daddddddyyyyyyyy what's a clitoris?
But dadddyyyyy doesn't see the manipulation, the attempts to be sexual and womanly or to embarrass her dad with sex talk. I shut her down on most of those as the younger kids were all there (ss9, dd10 and dd7)
But no, I see nothing of how she is, he KNOWS his daughter...
Ewww.
Ewww. :sick:
I know, really! DH just
I know, really! DH just doesn't get that...I was a teenage girl once too, you know...lol.
My SD12 is the opposite -
My SD12 is the opposite - she's a complete know-it-all and loves to give her brother her worldly advice. We were watching a movie once - it was rated 15+ but DH lets them watch certain movies.. in this particular one there was a scene where someone commented on having a "woody". SS-10 asks "whats a woody, Dad?" before DH could answer, SD pipes up with: "it's an ERECTION..!" as if he ought to have known that already. I about fell off my goddamn chair.
LOL - those are the times we
LOL - those are the times we get the "strange" questions from her, usually watching TV or a movie and something will come up (and we sit there cringing sometimes as we didn't realise the movie wasn't as PG as we thought!!
Having said that, BM takes them to see M and MA15+ movies all the time. SD often tells me "Oh, I've seen that!" and I'll be shocked!