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This article is a good read.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

And the sources for the study look credible.

https://www.healthaffairs.org/doi/full/10.1377/hlthaff.26.2.549

 

Are there any therapists here that can tell me if they actually change expectations of blended families based on the data?

I mean, the article is telling us something we all knew already, but with evidence.

It just doesn't seem like anyone's actually looking at the evidence and making policy to actually help children.

AlmostGone83's picture

Well in my case it rings true. All SD’s life, BM was the primary parent. She never worked, her second husband had a low-paying job and they were always scraping by. The CS DuH payed out was hoarded by the Skunk ape to pay for fake nails and cigarettes. This, SD never received proper nutrition. I see now that she probably was starved and not just naturally thin. When she came to live with us for a year she gained a significant amount of weight, in strange areas. It all went to her rear end. Up top she was thin and flat but with a bubble butt

tog redux's picture

What do you mean by "change expectations of blended families"? 

It makes sense - if you have two biological parents who care about you, you are going to do better. I'm most interested by the fact that kids do better with single fathers than single mothers. That makes sense to me, given that a man who is seeking custody of their children alone is likely to be a good parent who is interested in parenting, vs single mothers who might have many kids and no choice about parenting them. 

 

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

I've been to a counselor, and the counselor more or less attacked me.

It sounded like a broken record, "You should be working with Mom to resolve the child's behavior", "You should be understanding of the stress of the situation". A lot of YOU YOU YOU, that frankly didn't even almost work.

I went once, because I felt that the counselor was being more or less permissive of my current wife and SD's actions. Is this how it's taught, or is this just one specific counselors bias?

Rags's picture

Also, keep in mind that far too many counselors come from a group of people who can't get a real degree or value added job.

Be wary when engaging a counselor and tolerate only one who demonstrates actual intellect and capability to participate in improving your life rather than guiding you to tolerate toxic bullshit.  The behavior of others is not your fault and you owe them nothing but confrontation of  toxic crap.

Good luck.

Ispofacto's picture

Correlation does not equal causation.

I could see the court system saying, "We should throw more money to poor single mothers."

I our case, as many on here, BM is poor because she's batsh!t crazy, and that is also why she is such a bad parent.

So instead I hope they award custody to more fathers.

 

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

A good counsellor will get you to reflect on your own behaviour eg

”could you have done that differently, and how would you go about that?” 

Or do things such explain boundaries if you are finding it difficult to say no to people “ie every human has the right to say no, every human being has the right to change their mind etc”

a biased counsellor tells you what you should do. (a bit like a parent that can’t let go of their adult children)