Ok, so I'm new here. Just found this site today and have been reading up trying to find ways to deal with my step/blended family.

Some background. I am engaged to a wonderful man. This is the happiest I have been in a relationship, ever!  About a year after he started living with me, his ex wife decided to move out of state. His children, a 14 yr old girl and 12 yr old boy decided to stay here. Therefore, my future step children moved into my house with their father, me and my biological kids

I was accepting and welcoming of this. I love this man and realize he is a package deal. What I am not accepting of is these step children acting like total brats and their father's lack of discipline. 

With extra kids in the house, it was decided that SD14 and BD16 will share a room. SS12 was given his own room instead of having him share with BS17. The girls got along great at first and every thing seemed fine. Until summer vacation from school started. 

I always knew these kids had a tendency to stay up late on weekends and during summer vacations. They were living with BM and other than an occasional late night phone call, it didn't effect my life. 

Now with this kids living in my house this is a huge upset to the entire house. My kids had strict bedtimes since they were little. Only since older are they allowed to stay up later. My BD16 still goes to bed during the summer at a reasonable time, as I have instilled the importance of schedule and a good night's sleep. My step children think nothing of staying up all night sometimes still up when we are getting up in the morning. Frequently staying up until 3 or 4 am. Of course they sleep all day and repeat again the next night. My children 16 and 17 have summer jobs. The 17 yr old often works at 6am and 16 yr old at 9am. 

My issue is not so much their sleep schedules, it is the repeated lack of respect and quiet for my kids trying to sleep at night. SD14 thinks it is just fine to be face-timing her friend at 3am in the same room my BD16 is trying to sleep in. SS12 stays up half the night on Fortnite hollering into a mic with the friend he is playing with online.

I have had my daughter repeatedly complain about being kept up at night or woken up by this repeated behavior. BD16 shares room with SD14 and SS12 is just a thin wall away. BS17 room is on same floor but other side of the house. He also complains but is not as effected as BD16. It is to the point my bio kids hate the step kids because despite repeatedly being told to shut up at night it keeps happening again and again. 

It is to the point BD16 has kicked SD14 out of the room several times during the night. SD14 then spends the rest of the night in SS12 room, with both of them continuing to be loud and up most of the night.

FH and I have both repeated told his kids they need to be quiet at night. It quiets down for the rest of the night or for a night and then repeats. I have threatened to unplug them completely at night but FH refuses to take phones and electronics away. 

I refuse to continue to put up with this! It all hit a head about a week ago. It was 1am and they were being loud. I went downstairs and blew up. I told them I was tired of repeatedly telling them to shut up at night. I told them I don't give a crap anymore, I will take phones until morming. I will switch off the breaker to the bedroom and I will unplug the damn wifi. Enough was f*^&ng enough.

This started a shit storm with FH and he said that night he and kids are moving out. FH doesnt see this as a problem. His kids have always stayed up late when no school and I am making a bigger deal of this than it is. I quickly snapped back that last yr it was appropriate for a 11 and 13 yr old to stay up all nite. And the yr before for a 10 and 12 yr old. I'm sorry but in no way is that proper parenting, sorry BM. I also pointed maybe that's why the oldest two boys were locked up in correctional institutions when I met him. There has been a general lack of proper parenting for years from both bio parents.

His kids are always complaining they have to walk on eggshells in my house. That I'm to strict, pick on them, etc. His kids have wanted it to be just them and dad again because then they basically can do whatever they want. I told FH that is their plan, they are manipulating him and with his guilty father syndrome it always works. In general his kids are spoiled brats, don't have to work for anything and get whatever they want with a little whining and manipulation.  My kids were not raised that way and flat out say step kids are a couple of spoiled brats and frankly they are right.

Anyway, back to the night he said he is moving out. I said ok that's your choice and I don't expect you to choose me over your kids. However if you move out, we are over! He said I love you and I don't want that, We can still be together. I said well we are engaged, you think I'm going to marry you, but not live with you?! I'm not! I want more than that and if you can't then I would rather be alone. 

This got him to back down from his we are moving out stance quickly. I basically told him either discipline the kids or move out and let them do whatever the hell they want. He has finally agreed to start seeing things from my point and how disruptive this is to the house. That his kids have brought on their own feeling of being unwelcome by repeatedly refusing to be quiet at night and have basic respect for other people. 

I'm not even going to go into detail on how difficult it is to get them to do anything around the house or that they live like pigs.

I've been reading up on disengaging and have partly been doing that for the last month except for when I blew last week. 

About a month ago SD decided she just hates living with me and wanted to go back to BM. This is both step kids go to any time they are disciplined. They still act like it's just a weekend drive and can repeatedly change their minds on which parent to live with. It's a 14 hour drive! I guess we are guilty of giving in some cause SD has gone twice to live with bio mom for a month and SS once. And this has been since January when she moved across the country.  It's to the point if they go again they damn well better stay cause I am not taking them back. They always decide they really want to be with daddy but it takes a few weeks of being with BM to realize it's not that great. 

It was at that point that I decided to disengage. I basically give him the bad report card and let him deal with it. However I have only done it with discipline.  I'm considering doing it with everything.

Another solution we are considering is making SD and SS share a room and switch them to BS17 room on the other side of the basement.

I guess I'm wondering are these kids really brats or am I being an evil step mom?