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Apple Pie and Excuses for BM

CLove's picture

It was a weekend of growth, and love and apple pie. We have some fruit trees in our backyard, and every season - nothing. Until this season a bumper crop of apples. This was our weekend with Munchkin SD13, and while we clean and organize and prep for painting the house, she has been on her phone and practising on her ukelele. Then she piped up that she wanted to try baking apple pie, and we have so many apples they are all just falling to the gound.So, I had her pick them (so many questions on how to pick apples!!! lol. Then the inevtiable "oh theres spiders!!!!") Off to store for flour and baking supplies. I told her, "find a recipe, and you are on your own!" She pummeled that dough like a champ and persevered through her frustration, and is so proud of herself! From scratch, and no Clove helicoptering overhead.

frequently she and I would have a quiet moment together, and start talking about "things" and "life", and the conversation would inevitably move towards her sister, Feral Forger SD20, and how all she wants to do is party, she doesnt work, she mooches off her friends and makes messes that are never cleaned. The same ol crapola. And INEVITABLY Munchkin follows each descriptor with "mom asks nicely and my mom is doing her best..." with eyes all wide and trained on me, as if shes waiting for me to hit on a trigger and make a criticism, causing tears to well, and stamping off to room.

But, having learned where the triggers are (anything critical of Toxic Troll BM), I sit there staring back. I REALLY want to say "on what planet is she trying her best? Because it isnt this one!" I also really want to say "well giving birth isnt where the parenting stops, theres actually a lot of follow through that needs to happen, you know like parenting..." But I dont. I grab my eyeballs to keep them from rolling to the back of my head, and calmly deflect with something like "well, my parents would never allow us to disrespect them like that", or "it takes a strong parent to stand up and say no and follow through on repercusions". So  - no crying! No tears!

That is until we started discussing how Toxic Troll is now considered a "high risk renter", all because of the evil Feral Forger her sister (see how that works, now? Someone has to be the reason Toxic Troll isnt able to get ahead in life and why she has all these DIFFFICULTIES, its because she has a SOFT HEART FOR HER CHILDREN) Feral Forger is addicted to hair dye. She is now drinking alcohol, but no, this is for hair coloring. I still have to look at the carpet stains from when she lived with us and would dye her hair bright majenta or bright blue or purple. Because of carpet stains at the knarly apartment, they will be "kicked out soon", when contract expires (shes telling all this to her 13 yo!)

So, at the end of the year Toxic Troll is hoping to move. I will put my foot down - Dh is NOT moving her crap, I dont care what excuses she uses. She is hoping to move to a town that Dh and I want to move to, where he grew up and where his mother and some relatives and friends all live. I do NOT want her to move there!!!! Heck no - we plan on someday living there! Well, if her mother moves there it will be her always around the corner with no escape...much like now, but no looking forward to end of dual custody...just always there lurking. Munchkin cried because if her mother lives near her school in that town, there will be less time with us and no dad transport time, which she enjoys as father-daughter time together even on days with her mother. Because she is in school in this town as well.

So - I wait to see and cross fingers that she will stay in that knarly apartment, in our knarly town. Chances are that they want to upgrade and charge more, so hopefully she can slide into something nearby.

So - not many clouds on my blue sky. Pie tasted delicious and weekend went without incident.

fedupinwa's picture

It's so hard to hold your tongue!  Hearing all about the victim BM and having to play nice.  You did good!  Hopefully they won't move where you are hoping and you can get some end to the drama.

CLove's picture

In the past I spoke my mind and SD13 Munchkin (I do love her dearly!) would cry, to her sister SD20 Feral Forger or her mother Toxic Troll, I would get nasty textings and DH would get nasty textings, so I have since learned my lesson about saying anything to munchkin about her precious MOTHER.

But, I have held her sobbing self when her MOTHER shuts her out to play with her many dudes, or flakes on getting her cosutme for halloween, or sais something that hurt her feelings.


ndc's picture

I think it's great that you can comfort her and love her in spite of all the times she's "gotten you in trouble" by reporting what you say to her mother and sister.  I couldn't do that - once she bit the hand that fed her a few times (I give the benefit of the doubt at first), it wouldn't be feeding her again.

CLove's picture

I told her the last time that "I was done with it all", meaning her going behind my back with something she was upset with. I told her that if she has a problem with me, she should care enough to address it with me directly.

She hasnt done it since. And there have been opportunities!

didn'tsignupforapunk's picture

Why even gma's place? She can figure out where she's going to go for herself, like a big girl.

CLove's picture

This JUST got hammered out last night - Dh doesnt think straight when cornered. so that was just to put people off our house, which is a hard no.

Nope - Feral Forger will live with her mother Toxic Troll in her new apartment.

tog redux's picture

I once read that kids with crazy mothers are the "first to know it and the last to admit it".  It's a survival mechanism that allows them to keep loving this parent that they are so dependent on, but who has hurt them. My SS19 still has his head in the sand in regard to BM and I think he will until he's not so dependent on her.