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Anyone else Resentful of their life???

Jillstepmom65's picture

For the MOST part people are here because of rotten spoiled step kids and/or ball less Significant other. Safe place to vent. I've discovered "step parent life" can be a wonderful Memorable experience. Jesus NOT mine but others. My friend Stacy is a step mom and LOVES it. They call her mom and her DH would NEVER allow the kids to disrespect her not that these kids would. They get her Mother's Day gifts. She goes on weekend trips ALONE with the kids. Thier bio mom treats her like a human and equal very little drama if anything. Stacy talks about "her kids" all the time and the wonderful things they do together. 

How I wish I had step kids that would want to hang out and go shopping or even watch tv. I would love to help with HW or teach them to cook.  I would love a step kid that would even just be happy to see me or give me a hug. My step brats at best don't even Acknowledge me at worst will be down right Disrespectful/rude. They will be laughing and non stopping talking to DH but won't even say a word to me. DH would have to drag them out to get my a Christmas gift but he's given up as they outright refuse.  I really love kids but my step brats have got me hating even the thought of them coming over. 

Sorry about venting but so missing the life others have. 


JRI's picture

I dont think your friend's experience is the norm.  On a bell curve, I'd say she's way out to the right with the SM who has been physically assaulted by the SKs way out on the left.   I'd say the norm is SKs who have a little resentment, DHs who usually correct them and SMs who are so-so about the SKs.  Most of us on ST are a little to the left of norm, depending on how bad it is.

I'm happy for your friend but I dont know any others who are so happy, if they're honest.  About all we can do is about all we can do.



Bettysmith00's picture

I was unable to have my own kids but always loved kids from a teenager. I loved babysitting from the time I was 12 and worked in a daycare center through college. I was the teen/ adult  at parties that would want to play with the little kids.  I Actually purposely sought out men with kids. I pictured myself reading bedtime stories, putting cookies out for Santa, throwing bday parties, having kids friends over for a sleepover. You know the NORMAL stuff family's do. Plus I worked with a co-worker that had step kids and it was a wonderful experience for her.

Well I got my wish a guy with step kids BUT not my dream of being a family. What I got was a spoiled rotten brat who wanted "daddy's" attention 24/7 and treated me like a Piece of garbage. A bio mom who hated me for no other reason than I Exist and tried to drive a wedge between my DH and I. I got a DH who was a Victim of daddy guilt from Manipulating step brat. 

Sadly the whole experience has left me sour and Resentful for all kids. Now I can't stand any of them. Sad as 30 years ago I would never in a million years think I would ever feel this way

caninelover's picture

I started this journey thinking how nice, SD was 18 at the time and off to college.  We could have a friendly relationship and she would see how cool I am LOL.

Reality took some time to flesh out Bratty's resentment and it turns out I dislike immature entitled young adults, go figure.

It is what it is.  Happy for your friend and those like her but it just isn't my life (though I haveany great things going on in my life, including SO, so I don't really resent my life).

Little savages's picture

But being a SM simply reminds me that families of any type are in many ways a social experiment. Some people - including kids - are just not my cup of tea, just like not all pets are cute and adorable 100% of the time. I do resent the time and energy I waste feeling annoyed and frustrated though! As skids live with us full time, I'm constantly reminded how different our values are, and how really unlikeable I find them.  It's against my true nature to not care for and nurture a child. So I resent not living my 'true' life. I've done it for 3 years and have an open mind whether I would carry on doing it much longer.  

step-out's picture

I'm a SD and a SM. I prefer being a SD, though my S Dad is rude and barely speaks to me. Then, both my skids goop over daddy which makes me pretty much sick. I would never recommend SMothering as it causes almost daily anxiety... AND, we're working towards the holidays! Yikes! 

CLove's picture

Its been up and down. I started out strong doing "mom" kinds of things, but am right now disengaging little by little.

They are starting to understand how much I actually did, because I no longer do THAT.

The holiday "family" photo cards. The presents. The shopping trips.

Now I just hope that things will change.

Mostthanklessjobever's picture

Yes, I feel resentful but mostly cheated.  Cheated of a peaceful life because my DH is afraid to speak up to adult SD's.  17 years in and it sucks.

ladybug1974's picture

I dread when mine come over too, every other friday to sunday. i cry in my car on my way home sometimes knowing whats coming, not really from thw 8 year old ( even though thats hard too. but more for the 15 year old ass. never says hi when  he comes INTO MY HOUSE, just rude and a know it all. i cant stand it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!