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Another Christmas Break From H*ll...Enough Already

mamas1gurl's picture

So as always, my DH and I made the 400 mile round trip to pick up my SS(12). My BS(6) accompanied as usual and he was head over heels about seeing his SB(12). The pattern never breaks, we called when we were about 30 miles out to find out that his bags are not packed. My DH and the BM are still not on speaking terms so they talk through the child. We arrive, and as usual, they are frantically packing his bag. She tells my DH that he needs new clothes and shoes, the shoes he has on are about 2 years old, so I know the kids feet are crammed into the shoes. Do I believe her cry for help? Hell no. She just moved into her second home, is driving a luxury vehicle, and has a maid that comes and cleans her house, all on a teacher's salary. Of course my DH falls for it everytime and turns into "Super Dad" and decides to save the day by proclaiming that when he returns he will have a new wardrobe and toys. I get so aggrevated because he knows we are struggling in our own household. He just barely got off of unemployment. He owes her back child support, and on top of it all he wants to buy his son the world. Don't get me wrong, we have the responsibilty as parents to want to take care of our children...but if you don't have it, you just don't have it. But I do admire my DH because he is a great dad, he makes sure his son is well taken care of - heres a man who sends child support, furnishes all his sons clothes and pays for all before and after school programs (I can't say that for my XDH). I admit it makes me jealous that he springs into action for her, he doesn't do that for our home.

So this Christmas, she didn't send any of his medications, no toothbrush or toothpaste. Its cold outside, she sent 4 short sleeve shirts, 3 pair of pants that were obviously too small and no jacket. My DH goes into panic mode because he says he can't believe she has their son walking around like this. I told him to snap out of it and realize what she is doing. My SS(12) later informed us that his BM didn't have time to wash his clothes, so she just put his old clothes in the bag. Last year, when he was bringing home unemployment, she still expected him to purchase his Christmas gift, which was a very expensive gaming console, and she wanted him to pay his regular child support payment. I argued him down not to do this because then we wouldn;t have any money. When he did not pay her the money, she threw a tantrum and told him she was expecting that money because she needed a new hot water heater. She threatened him, and sure enough, she finally went and legally put child support on him. But she screwed herself because she doesn't get nearly the money she was getting when he was just paying her out of the pocket, which he has done faithfully for 12 years.

I'm fed up with her games, I'm fed up with him being in denial about the whole situation (not recognizing her for who she really is, not taking the time out to work on our relationship and sticking to the ground rules for the home when his son comes down to visit, morphing into "Super Dad" and forgetting about my son and I when SS comes into town) and I have just had enough.

So this Christmas, things went a bit differently...his son went to his GM and my son went to his GF because we both had to work. It has been pleasant, but he announced that he took off all of next week. So I am not looking forward to seeing SS(12). He allows him to do whatever he wants, when he wants...he allows him to drink and eat all times of the night, knowing good and well he has a "bedwetting issue" (because he has a chronic disease). I caught the kid walking on my kitchen counters, and I told DH and he brought up something my BS(6) did. We have pretty serious arguments about this. SS(12) antagonizes my DS(6) so when he comes down to visit, my son asks can he go somewhere else to stay. It breaks my heart. This kid is a terror. My DH and the GM are so overprotective of him because of his chronic disease, they still talk baby talk to him, and he responds in the same voice. Yuk!

I do feel guilty for feeling this was towards the man I love's child, but when the kid is away we get along great, he will interact with me and my son, but when SS(12) comes, its all down hill, it's like we don't exist. Don't get me wrong, I do not demand his time, I allow him to spend it with his son, but then he will come and accuse me of not trying to bond. So I'm at my wits end. I have finally decided to just do me, and see what happens from there.

I'm sure I will have more to share as the week progresses. Thanks for letting me get it all out.